Wherediditallgo’s ‘path to enlightenment’ bankruptcy diary

wherediditallgo

3 Nov - Thanks, Blind, for thinking of me! Sorry everyone, for the lack of contact. I've been busy at work, & spending a lot of time in Brighton & Hove. I've met some great musicians, & have been singing every other weekend (only got back late Sunday from another couple of days away) since end September. The pull to move down there is getting stronger with every visit - there's so much music stuff to do & so many places to sing in, & I hate being so far away from it all. If ever there was a time for my lottery numbers to come up, this is it - money is very stretched, but somehow I'm managing to find enough each time to get myself there. Anyway, it's after 3am & I've got work in the morning, so time for bed. Night all.

fermi

Thanks for the update.

Sounds like you are having a busy but wonderful time.

monkeymonkeymonkey

wherediditallgo wrote: »

We sometimes draw straws for who's going to sit next to her because she bores us rigid & can't strike up a match, never mind a conversation, yet she thought I should listen to her opinion on my behaviour. Well, I'm more aware of where my money is going than she is of hers, the cloven-footed miserable creature that she is, because I am spending hard cash. I'm aware of almost every penny that has come out of my purse since I went BR, because I have no way of replacing whatever I spend. Meanwhile, she's waving a credit card about like she's doing semaphore, & will probably be paying for that gift long after I've moved on to something else. I'm going to treat myself to a bag of Minstrels on my way home & will savour every one while mentally sticking two fingers up at her.

I've really appreciated your thread, but this is quite upsetting that you can be so unkind. No wonder she made comments to you if you and your work-mates picked on her in such a childish way. I understand that at this point you were very stressed, but you still make sure you are nice to others, no matter how boring they are.

blind-as-a-bat_2

monkeymonkeymonkey wrote: »

I've really appreciated your thread, but this is quite upsetting that you can be so unkind. No wonder she made comments to you if you and your work-mates picked on her in such a childish way. I understand that at this point you were very stressed, but you still make sure you are nice to others, no matter how boring they are.

Maybe

But if you take that full post in context

22 April - Grrrrr. Some people really do irritate me! I'm at work today (going home hopefully by 4pm), & we were having a gossip about Friday night's do. A member of staff who was also there has spent ages commenting on how much money we spent, & that she thought I was mad to spend almost £30 on drinks. I pointed out to her that (a) I'd budgeted for the do, as I'd known about it for almost 3 months, (b) some of the money had gone on food while I was there, & (c) she'd bought a present for the person for almost that amount on her credit card. Unless she paid it all before interest was charged, she'd probably end up spending more than I did in the long run & soon won't even remember what she spent the money on.

Why do some people feel the need to lecture others about how they spend money? It's one thing to offer advice to people you know well & who appreciate your wisdom on other things, but it's quite another to stick your nose into other people's business when they never normally discuss it with you. And why do those same people that you never usually discuss your business with & don't even particularly like suddenly think they've got a God-given right to voice an opinion just because they happened to be there when you spent the money? Having a credit card doesn't make you a don in terms of all things financial, yet some people are so critical of other people's decisions, it's as if we're not allowed to breathe without their say-so.

We sometimes draw straws for who's going to sit next to her because she bores us rigid & can't strike up a match, never mind a conversation, yet she thought I should listen to her opinion on my behaviour. Well, I'm more aware of where my money is going than she is of hers, the cloven-footed miserable creature that she is, because I am spending hard cash. I'm aware of almost every penny that has come out of my purse since I went BR, because I have no way of replacing whatever I spend. Meanwhile, she's waving a credit card about like she's doing semaphore, & will probably be paying for that gift long after I've moved on to something else. I'm going to treat myself to a bag of Minstrels on my way home & will savour every one while mentally sticking two fingers up at her.

One could argue they asked for it by there atitude.

strange you should pick this thread and that post

Waspeze

Glad you're doing ok WDIAG ..

Took me a while but I couldn't resist the urge to move down here .. been here quite a few years now and have never looked back!!

wherediditallgo

monkeymonkeymonkey wrote: »

I've really appreciated your thread, but this is quite upsetting that you can be so unkind. No wonder she made comments to you if you and your work-mates picked on her in such a childish way. I understand that at this point you were very stressed, but you still make sure you are nice to others, no matter how boring they are.

As someone else has pointed out, you should have read my post in context, then you would have understood why I wrote what I did. It wasn't childish at all. If I'd really wanted to be childish, I would have sat on her lap & wet myself or thrown up over her shoulder to teach her a lesson, as I don't do anything half-heartedly. :cool:

I'm rather taken aback (in an "Oh well" sort of way) that, out of a thread that's almost 8 months long, going through my experiences of having to face my debts, dealing with them, & trying to live after going BR, you chose to select part of that particular post to make such an ill-advised comment on. It's as if the rest of the thread has passed you by, so I suggest you're not actually getting the best out of the thread that you could. I started this diary, my diary, to help me get through what was a very distressing time, in the hope it would also help others do the same. The whole point of a diary is that it contains the person's thoughts over a long period of time. It's not meant for other people to judge or meet someone else's particular code - the only person living the life the diary relates to is the person writing it, so only they know all the details though others are welcome to ask questions, which is infinitely preferable to making assumptions. The next time you read a diary (mine or anyone else's), it's worth you bearing that in mind & taking the time to read/check/ask about the background before assuming the person writing the diary is just being unkind for the sake of it. If I wanted to be really unkind, I could have done far worse, not least totally embarrass her by giving her what for in front of a room full of other people.

If this part of a post out of nearly 600 struck such a chord with you that you felt the need to comment on it, maybe you're the sort of person who doesn't feel included by others & maybe it's caused you to wonder why, maybe you've felt only tolerated by others & this post has made you think about that some more. Maybe you're the sort of person who gives their opinion without it being asked for, & without thinking how it feels to the other person having to listen to you. If any of that resonates with you, it's a good thing you read the post at all if it's caused you to look at your own behaviour & your relationships with other people. I'm not making judgements or assumptions about you by the way, just raising the points given your post here. I also don't want this to be something that you answer or debate in this thread, as it's my diary - for all the "down" times I've had, the diary has become increasingly "up" & positive, & that's the way I want it to stay.

Anyone who's gone through the stress of debt & going BR will tell you that people like the person I wrote about seem to expect you to listen to their opinions, regardless of whether they actually know what they're talking about. It's both unreasonable & unrealistic to expect someone to be nice about such a person, especially when you find them difficult to get on with in the first place because they're so opinionated. Them opining about how you spend your money in particular, knowing little or nothing about your situation, when they've already shown themselves on a day-to-day basis generally to know little about even less, just adds salt to an already irritated wound.

dalip

way to go girl:T .


It must be getting close to that all importent trip,i take you are still going?.Dx

PS. Is the jazz festival still on????

philnicandamy

monkeymonkeymonkey wrote: »

I've really appreciated your thread, but this is quite upsetting that you can be so unkind. No wonder she made comments to you if you and your work-mates picked on her in such a childish way. I understand that at this point you were very stressed, but you still make sure you are nice to others, no matter how boring they are.

Hmm my response gets pulled yet your drivel stays.....i've had enough of this

monkeymonkeymonkey

wherediditallgo wrote: »

As someone else has pointed out, you should have read my post in context, then you would have understood why I wrote what I did. It wasn't childish at all. If I'd really wanted to be childish, I would have sat on her lap & wet myself or thrown up over her shoulder to teach her a lesson, as I don't do anything half-heartedly. :cool:

I'm rather taken aback (in an "Oh well" sort of way) that, out of a thread that's almost 8 months long, going through my experiences of having to face my debts, dealing with them, & trying to live after going BR, you chose to select part of that particular post to make such an ill-advised comment on. It's as if the rest of the thread has passed you by, so I suggest you're not actually getting the best out of the thread that you could. I started this diary, my diary, to help me get through what was a very distressing time, in the hope it would also help others do the same. The whole point of a diary is that it contains the person's thoughts over a long period of time. It's not meant for other people to judge or meet someone else's particular code - the only person living the life the diary relates to is the person writing it, so only they know all the details though others are welcome to ask questions, which is infinitely preferable to making assumptions. The next time you read a diary (mine or anyone else's), it's worth you bearing that in mind & taking the time to read/check/ask about the background before assuming the person writing the diary is just being unkind for the sake of it. If I wanted to be really unkind, I could have done far worse, not least totally embarrass her by giving her what for in front of a room full of other people.

If this part of a post out of nearly 600 struck such a chord with you that you felt the need to comment on it, maybe you're the sort of person who doesn't feel included by others & maybe it's caused you to wonder why, maybe you've felt only tolerated by others & this post has made you think about that some more. Maybe you're the sort of person who gives their opinion without it being asked for, & without thinking how it feels to the other person having to listen to you. If any of that resonates with you, it's a good thing you read the post at all if it's caused you to look at your own behaviour & your relationships with other people. I'm not making judgements or assumptions about you by the way, just raising the points given your post here. I also don't want this to be something that you answer or debate in this thread, as it's my diary - for all the "down" times I've had, the diary has become increasingly "up" & positive, & that's the way I want it to stay.

Anyone who's gone through the stress of debt & going BR will tell you that people like the person I wrote about seem to expect you to listen to their opinions, regardless of whether they actually know what they're talking about. It's both unreasonable & unrealistic to expect someone to be nice about such a person, especially when you find them difficult to get on with in the first place because they're so opinionated. Them opining about how you spend your money in particular, knowing little or nothing about your situation, when they've already shown themselves on a day-to-day basis generally to know little about even less, just adds salt to an already irritated wound.

Well, for someone that doesn't like opinions, that was a very long opinion you just gave me!

Just don't like bullying, that's all... And by the sound of things, you've had a fair bit of it in this thread, which is a real shame.

You'd do well not to get so irritated by people or get on the ultra-defensive... just walk away! Better than stooping to their level. And that can include me and my opinions.

No hard feelings; as I said, I enjoyed the rest of your posts. It is on the whole a positive thread, but you CAN get something positive out of an opinion that isn't your own, you know...

Bye!

blind-as-a-bat_2

monkeymonkeymonkey wrote: »

Well, for someone that doesn't like opinions, that was a very long opinion you just gave me!

Just don't like bullying, that's all... And by the sound of things, you've had a fair bit of it in this thread, which is a real shame.

You'd do well not to get so irritated by people or get on the ultra-defensive... just walk away! Better than stooping to their level. And that can include me and my opinions.

No hard feelings; as I said, I enjoyed the rest of your posts. It is on the whole a positive thread, but you CAN get something positive out of an opinion that isn't your own, you know...

Bye!

But in this thread http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=15647927#post15647927 you defend bullys that work for a DCA,s Why is it acceptable for them to bully debters