Diary of a dishonest husband...

NewLeaf_2

good luck james

GTAction99

very nice!

mummytogirls

Hi James,

I just wanted to pop by and offer my support. Well done on facing up to everything, I too hid debt from my DH was a few years and it all came out in Dec 2010. After everything was out in the open I felt like such a weight had been lifted and DH was cross but upset that I felt I couldnt tell him sooner.
I hope your wife is understanding, im sure she will be. These things quickly get out of hand but I you have caught it before the figure could have been a lot higher, so well done on that front .

Mummytogirls x

JamesBa

**UPDATE**

It's out in the open. I've finally done it.

I told my mum yesterday she took it really well. I did expect her to as she has been in this situation in the past.
To my surprise, she has decided to give me her full support in lending me the money to write off my entire balance!!

This morning my wife had gone out. I sat in the living room and prepared for her to come home and finally confront it.. I had that sick nervous feeling churning inside all morning.
She got in and I told her to sit down.
I told her everything. She was distraught when I gave her the figure of my debt. We both cried and hugged each other as she told me that we'd sort it out together. I felt massively relieved!!

It's now about 4 hours since I had told her and the mood has changed slightly. She doesn't seem to want to talk and I can sense that the trust has vanished! It's an awful silence....

I hope this gets better soon.

Thank you again to everyone who has supported me throughout this hell. You have made me feel comfortable talking about it and given me the strength to move this weight off my shoulders!

kelpie35

My heart goes out to you JamesBa.

You have done what many people have not had the courage to do and can only be admired for that.

I am sure that the silence will stop soon, just give your wife some space at the moment. She has had a big shock.

You will have to take small steps in gaining her trust, but I am sure that when she sees you are truthful and trustworthy thing will move on.

I can only wish you well in the future try to keep your chin up x

HeadAboveWater

Well done for getting it out in the open. It will be a huge weight off your shoulders.

It's great that your mum is fully behind you and you have her support. You've made a mistake and learned the hard way. Don't let it happen again!!!

JamesBa wrote: »

I told her everything. She was distraught when I gave her the figure of my debt. We both cried and hugged each other as she told me that we'd sort it out together. I felt massively relieved!!

It's now about 4 hours since I had told her and the mood has changed slightly. She doesn't seem to want to talk and I can sense that the trust has vanished! It's an awful silence....

So glad that you got the courage to tell your wife. That must have been nerve wrecking. I can imagine she's in a state of shock and thinking things over which is why she's been quiet. But she did say you would work together to sort it out

If there's no trust in a relationship, what have you got? My partner hates lies. No matter how much it hurts he deserves to know the truth. Honesty is hard, but it is the best policy

How have things been since you posted yesterday evening?

mr2jay

Well done

Opening up and letting the full extent of the problem be aired is only the beginning but it is probably the hardest part of the journey...

Dishonesty, no matter how small, in a relationship is never a good thing. A relationship is built on trust and that isn't a god given thing, it is earnt. Unfortunately it is far harder to rebuild it once it has been lost but it isn't impossible, you just have to realise that it is 100% down to you to rebuild it.

As I said before, you need to be honest about EVERYTHING, no matter how bad it is. As some of the others have said, lying about it isn't protecting her from the truth, it is only building a rift between you. Remember that and things will get better.

I wish you luck but it isn't all lost yet

wiggles01

Well done you that was a brave thing to do.. i'm in a slightly different situ in that im not married and we don't live together, but I still feel like i'm living a double life at the moment

put yourself in her shoes and I'm sure her reaction is just natural.. my best friend was in a similar situation with her husband she was more annoyed at the fact he didn't tell her because she saw their finances as joint and she'd go and buy stuff for the house that they didn't really need, luxuries I guess because she thought they could afford it

Chin up xx I totally admire you for owning up x

JamesBa

Cheers guys

She sent me a reassuring message yesterday whilst I was at work saying that we are in this together and that we can battle through things like this as we are a team now.

I feel on top of the world right now

JamesBa

I look back at my OP and I see more clearly the state I was in and how I couldn't let it go on like it anymore...
I would suggest to anyone in the same situation that coming clean is by far the best thing you could do, no matter how much you think that it is solvable doing it on your own.