Diary of a dishonest husband...

gallygirl

James I hope all goes well for you. As others have said, I would be more upset that you had gone to your mother than about the debt so please tell her first (or maybe the 'radio silence' indicates that you have?)

If you haven't - as to how she will react - try to imagine her coming to you and saying she was 10k in debt. How woould you react? Would you be angry & upset about the debt? Or more angry & upset about the fact she had been keeping it from you and worrying herself sick over it? You sound a lovely, caring man nad I am sure your wife will support you. Team work in this could make your marriage stronger.

Good luck.

gg x

tabby_cats_mum

I'm obviously a lone voice here but the OP's mum will always be there for him his wife may not especially after he tells her of his debts. I don't think he should be castigated for telling his mum first.

OP your wife must take some responsibility anyway as I'm sure the expensive wedding wasn't all of your doing. You sound a lovely bloke, it's only money and people on here have dug themselves out of holes twenty times bigger than yours, emerging smiling and wiser.

I wish you all the best.

mr2jay

Wow, first off fair play for coming on board for advice - when it has a deeply personal undercurrent, it is never easy, trust me, been there, done that, learnt lessons the hard way..

As the other posters have said, £8k isn't that bad (look at my sig and you'll see what I mean). With careful planning and a determination it'll disappear quicker than you realise.

Don't hide it from the better half. I have done that, it pushed us into arguments and still I held my tongue about the issues and that led to part of the reason my first marriage failed (only part of the reason, main reason and part of the reason I held my tongue and tried to fight alone was she was particularly violent but that's another story)

Involving family is fine if they can offer good advice and help in keeping you on the straight and narrow but, and I can't stress this enough, come clean and do not leave her out of ANY decisions.

You are an official team now, work together to beat this demon and you'll have a REALLY strong foundation for the rest of your lives

Choc-addict

Hope it went well speaking to your wife x

eyeopener2

Hiya

Been in your position and it is very difficult but hopefully she will forgive you. I racked up £24, 000 before telling all and it was tough.

Expect anger, tears and maybe even worse but once she calms down things should settle.

The main thing is to have a plan to action, and in future to be honest about money, and to stick to it.

£8k isn't that much in the big scheme of thngs, its the breach of trust you have to repair and that will take time.

Good luck.

E2

JamesBa

Thank you so much everyone! You have given me some amazing support and advise!
I am a nervous wreck this morning. I am going round my parents at 11.30 this morning to discuss my finances with my mum. This is going to be the first time ever that I have revealed all and faced up...
I hope that she gives me support and encouragement to go home afterwards and sit down with my wife.
When I get back home, this will be it. The hardest thing I have ever done... I can't tell you how much worry and pressure I am feeling about telling her...

Something that I stupidly failed to mention in my OP is that I have told little white lies about things in the past. (eg telling her something was cheaper than what I bought it for, saying I was going to give up smoking when I really hadn't)
She has always forgiven me for small things like that and our relationship is just as strong as it was from day one.... I fear that this is why I am finding it ten times more difficult to tell her this.
It's just another massive lie to add to the pile...

Wish me luck.
Results later

X

bouncydog1

Er James... why haven't you told your wife before you go see the parents? Lots of the posts advised this course of action first, in case

a) your wife doesn't want your parent's help;
b) she wants to come as well.

She is going to be really cross that you got all of the advice to tell her first and then went to your parents.

ragstobasics

You're not protecting her with those kinds of lies, once the debt is in the open, look at it as an opportunity to start again and be open and honest with her about everything in your relationship, and rebuild the trust.

As been mentioned, looking at your salaries, don't panic - you should have this sorted in a year if you're careful.

You're newly married, you guys are a team and have your whole life ahead of you - enjoy it and each other.

kelpie35

Good luck James Hope all works out well for you :beer:

macpumpkin

Well done on starting your journey, I'm sure once the dust settles things will work out fine with your wife, I have subscribed your diary to give you encouragement from the sidelines...