Diary of a dishonest husband...

tifnstav

My DH used to ask his dad about purchases before we actually made them, that used to drive me up the wall!

In this situation, I would be fuming if he went to his dad before speaking to me, as they are our finances, not his parents'.

So speak to her first - definitely.

As someone else said, post your SOA but looking at the debts you need to get rid of the payday loans first, then the cards and then your parents (who I don't expect will be charging you interest, unlike my parents!)

£7900 is doable, definitely. It might not seem it, but it is - I (we) got rid of £8k on less than you're collectively earning and it took less time than we expected.

And someone above said you might need to cut down on nights out etc - you have to cut back on non-essentials but you're newlyweds so you have a fabulous excuse to have nights in and decline invitations on nights out. (We have a 9week old baby as a result of moneysaving nights in without a TV so you need to be careful, he's very expensive!)

So get rid of the payday loans asap, agree a plan together about how you'll reduce the debt and you'll feel so much more in control sooner than you think.

I use a lot of brackets, I apologise!

reallyAnnoyed_2

taren wrote: »

Or maybe just give his wife access to his bank account, so she could see what's going on, or transfer all the bill payments etc etc to his wife's account. reason why I said do something like this is to give his wife transparency on what is going on with their money.

Yes, that would be the ideal solution (giving her access to online accounts). James' main problem was trying to hide it from his wife. It's a recipe for disaster - as there is no way he can make any significant repayments towards the debts WITHOUT her noticing a chunk of money going into a hole (hence the payday loans to keep-up with repayments).

Once it's all out in open, making these repayments should not be a problem. Together Mr & Mrs James are on 41K annual salary - taking home £2500+/m. With this income (assuming there are no other debts) paying £600-800/month towards debts is very much possible.

tifnstav

Don't do the joint account. Stay as you are but make sure you both know what is going on by having access to view each others accounts.

DH and I have separate accounts and pay into a joint account from which all direct debits are paid out, but we didn't have bad credit so this wasn't an issue.

Why don't you have a "pot" that you both pay into to? For instance a separate account in her name to pay the essential bills?

Any surplus left over in your individual accounts (or the pot) can be used to pay the priority debts.

msrisotto

Hi, I'm newlywed too.

Be open and honest wiht your wife. Just tell her that you felt embarrassed that you let this happen, you went to your parents to get advice but realise now that you need to be open etc

I don't know if having a joint account with her would damage her credit rating, you'd need to ask the bank about that but personally, my husband and I find it easiest to have a joint account for bills only. We both pay in a fixed amount each month and we both keep an eye on it to make sure there is enough money in it etc.

Fae

I agree with the other posters on here who say tell your wife first, I would be so upset if my OH talked to his Mum about problems before talking to me. It's likely she will be upset at first, but then will want to help, and you will need her help and support to get this sorted, but together you will be able to do it. Good luck with your debt free jounery.

Fae

MoneyMission

Hi James

Good luck for when you tell her. To be honest, if it comes across half as well as it does in your original post, she will understand and be on your side.

MM

DVardysShadow

JamesBa wrote: »

But if she suggests moving to a joint account, then of course I will.

Warn her of the consequences first. Make statements of your account available to her. A joint account will not give her any more control - it will just make her even more vulnerable to your financial issues than she is right now.

Why is it that people think that giving control to someone else will solve things? This si only going to get sorted when you get yourself in control of your own finances

thebillet

Start talking and keep talking, failure to do so by one of my kids led to them ringing us up for help. Having got into debt it came to the month payments couldn't be made so one partner asked the other and guess what they were in the same position hence the phone call to us. I remember it well, my wife guesses at 2-3000, I thought about 12000 it turned out we lent them 30000, just to cover the credit cards!! Yikes!

Get talking and get stuff on paper so it is easily tracked and shared.
Well done for taking the steps you have.

Finshopefulmum

Hi James

First of all, just want to say what a well written post!

I have been in exactly the same boat as you, but our debts were ten times the size of yours. I had also hidden it from my husband and spoke to my parents before I told him. In fact I'd been speaking to my parents for some time before I confessed all.

Telling him was the best thing I could have done. I was deeply uncomfortable, we both cried. He understood why I spoke to my parents first, I desperately wanted to resolve the issues without having to burden him, but it finally dawned on me that was never going to happen. As as some of the other posters have said, he had an inkling things were not as they should be.

Best of luck speaking to your wife, I hope that she is as understanding as my lovely husband turned out to be. The advice and tips you pick up from this site will be invaluable.

FHM

reallyAnnoyed_2

JamesBa wrote: »

But if she suggests moving to a joint account, then of course I will.

You need to put your emotions and guilt aside. She may suggest a joint account but under the circumstances, when you have debts, IMO doing so would be unwise. The debts are from your wedding, it's not like you blew it on booze or table.

Worst case scenario : it does leave a scar on your file. Now fast forward 5 years were you two have saved enough for a mortgage (if you don't have mortgage already). Your wife's clean history will payoff at that point.


Trust me when I say; with your combined in-comings, it will not take more than 8 months to pay this off - if you hang on to tight budgeting just for few months. I had 15K debts in 2008 and I paid them off in 13 months. Stop beating yourself up over this, it can be done within your means and with your wife on-board.

Cheers :beer: