Diary of a dishonest husband...

faerie~spangles

Well done you for taking ownership of your debt.

You tell us that you and your 'new' wife have been together for 8 years.

I suspect that although the debt is in your name, the monies borrowed have been spent on both of you.

Do an SOA and post it here. Others more knowledgeable than me will be along to show where cuts can be made.

bottleofred

Hi James and welcome to the forum,

I think you should own up to your wife ASAP and work out a way of dealing with this together. Yes, it's a lot of money, but if you had let it go, it could have been much more and taken you longer to get out of it. If you post a statement of affairs, you'll get loads of tips and advice on how to save money, which can then go towards the debts. Get rid of the payday loans people as quickly as you can though, as it will probably be costing the most. Always pay off the debt that's costing the most. Well done on starting to tackle your debts.

Good luck

Red

FireWyrm

taren wrote: »

Wow... Tell the truth and be honest, your new wife who has been with you alreay for 8 yrs,. will be shocked. And it will be a blow she didnt see coming.,

Or maybe she will...you'll be surprised how psychic wives are when it comes to husbands being furtive. Chances are she at least knows something is up and she'll be bracing for an announcement that you've been having an affair and youre leaving...trust me, this little lie is nothing compared to what she will be imagining.

As for the debt, some words of advice. Deal with the PDLS first, your parents are last in line and they'll wait I'm sure. Follow standard advice on steps to take and move your money to an unrelated account before you give any creditor the bad news. You can find more than enough advice on PDLs with a quick search of the forum so I won't bother going into it again.

GTAction99

Tell your wife first, before you do anything.

bouncydog1

I would start with the "I have something awful to tell you that doesn't involve anyone else, but I have a few issues with money" to your wife.

In one sentence she knows bad news is on the way, but is reassured that infidelity is not part of that news. Then sit down with her.

Personally I would be up front and tell her that you have spoken to your parents as you were so desperate you didn't know where to turn. If it comes out later that you spoke to them and didn't tell your wife she will think "that's another lie". I would be a bit economical with the truth though, using parents rather than "my mum". Women see MIL's as competition!

Then tell your wife that your parents have offered to help, if you both feel you need it. Your wife might want to do this on her own - I wouldn't have wanted in-laws knowing about our finances - and as you are adults you can't always run back to mum and dad.

I would also insist going forwards that you both share the responsibility of your finances rather than one being left to do everything.

Good luck - and post back for help with everything.

pleasedelete

How Did she imagine that the wedding was being funded? You earn almost the same as each other- in reality she can't have thought for a minute that you had lots of spare money.

Was there a reason her family didn't pay for the wedding?

JamesBa

Thanks everybody for your support in this matter. It really is comforting to know that I can now talk openly about my dreadful scenario to far more experienced people.

@pleasedelete - this was all a part of the big lie I guess, telling my wife that my end of the saving over the course of two years had been going well, when I was knee deep in credit and got lazy because of it.
I always thought I was very bad at telling lies when to my dissappimtment it turns out I am very good at it.

Such a fool I am.

badger_

The fact you're posting here is a positive step

Are you able to do a SOA Link

pleasedelete wrote: »

Was there a reason her family didn't pay for the wedding?

Maybe they couldn't afford to help out? I know if/when OH & I get married I wouldn't expect my parents to pay for it, not only because they couldn't afford it but I think they did enough for me in the 23 years I lived with them.

Bravehearted_2

Obviously have to come clean asap. Never a need for lavish weddings but I guess that's too late now.

Choc-addict

I am newly married (2 months) and if it were me i'd be more upset that you couldn't come to me with your worries rather than the debt itself.

Speak to your wife, i'm sure you are a strong team and just explain that things spiralled. I am sure she'll understand and even more sure that she'll want you both to work as a team to get it sorted.

Like someone else said these costs weren't you being lavish and spending it on yourself it was you trying to plan and pay for a beautiful wedding for you and your wife (which I know is what any husband wants to do!) and you lost your way.

I would also echo telling her before you see parents, i'd be so upset if my hubby went to his parents with a problem (no matter what) before speaking to me first.

Be 100% honest and you won't look back - i'm sure it's scary but she loves you and you guys will work this out.

Choc xx