Frump to Fab - Sizzling Summer Solstice to Awesome Autumn Equinox

podperson

Dropped kitty off at the vets this morning - have to wait until 2 to ring them. I hate the waiting

lessonlearned

Hope Kitty is ok.

Will you excuse me whilst I vent.:mad:

I've just had the mother of all rows with my father.

I'll try not to give you too many gory details:rotfl: I went to look after my mum for a few hours to give my dad a break.

He hadn't been out of the house for more than a couple of minutes when mum asked for the downstairs commode. Well she didn't quite make it. An hour and half later when he came back I was just cleaning up again after her second bout of explosive diarrhoea.

No rubber gloves, no personal care cloves. no disinfectant, nothing.

I asked my dad could he get some gloves for the future. He screamed at me they are in the cupboard (upstairs). I suggested that it would be a good idea to keep a small supply of everything needed on hand near the downstairs commode.

He ranted and raved. I continued cleaning up. All the while he kept yelling at me - apparently I used the wrong cloth to clean the excrement of the floor. He wanted me to use a dry cloth, I insisted on hot soapy water. You get the general idea.

I noticed that the Zimmer frame was caked in days old excrement. I cleaned it off. Whilst I was getting rid of everything in the outside dustbin I accidentally let the door slam behind me.

He yelled at me again for locking myself out. He started on one of his lectures. Every word was venom, bile and sarcasm.

That was it. A red mist descended- after 60 odd years of his bullying and unreasonable behaviour - I let him have it with both barrels.

In my tirade I pointed out that the filthy bacteria laden zimmer frame was most likely the culprit of mum's stomach upset.

He bluffed and blustered and was about to start screaming again. I gathered up my stuff and in a last parting shot I said "I have just spent one and a half hours shovelling sh*t and this is the thanks I get".

I kissed mum goodbye and walked out.

Whilst I was tending mum I noticed she has two rather ominous looking marks on her bottom - the skin is showing signs of vulnerability - pressure sores waiting to happen. Also that one of her leg veins is bleeding - varicose ulcers waiting to happen. She is not being being moved or made to walk. He lets her sit for hours on end in a chair, no pressure cushion.

What the hell am I supposed to do. If I go and try and help out I get nothing but abuse. If I leave him to it my mum is going to be at risk.

Sorry - but I'm just so p*ssed off.

I'm going to take it out on the weeds.:rotfl:

Thanks for "listening".

podperson

LL - vent away hun, hope you're ok x
This may not be what you want to hear but perhaps you need to involve social services in this (have they put any plan in place for her at the moment)? Your mum is in a vulnerable position and needs to be getting the proper care - would he take advice/help any better from an outside source or would he just think they were interfering? If they even had someone coming in once a day to give him a break and to make sure that she's being looked after properly then it wouldn't all fall on you and your sister.

Madrabbitgirl

Podperson - I hope your moggy will be ok. I know what it's like waiting whilst your pet is at the vets, not knowing how they are doing. I'm sure your kitty will be fine. Is it just dental work it's having? It might just be a little tender for a few days and you'll just have to make sure it is eating, drinking ok.

LL It seems you have had a tough day. It doesn't sound like your dad is able to cope looking after your mum. Outside help might be the only option. You are doing your best to help but shouldn't have to be treated like that.

Had my tooth removed at dentists this morning and one of my fillings done. Feeling a bit self conscious about my gap in my teeth, but at least it will only be for a little while. Back to dentist in 2 weeks time.

Not feeling very fab today. Didn't get much sleep as my partner was working on computer until 4.30 in the morning (helping out a mate). Have appoint with nurse soon (as I changed to local doctors surgery, just a check up) and then might just take it easy (if I can!).

WelshWoofer

LL - I thought I was having a traumatic day until I read your post. Vent to your heart's content. You're in an extremely difficult position and it must be heartbreaking. Does your dad treat your sister in the same way?

By comparison my drama is nothing....
After an early finish I was on the way to the park to take the dog for a walk when I got flagged down by a lady in the road. Of course, I stopped and found her flapping around a baby pet rabbit on the road, scared stiff and not moving. The silly moo wouldn't touch it and just didn't want to run it over. I picked it up (its a pet rabbit) and talked to her about what we should do and she promptly said she was late for the dentist and drove off!:mad:
I managed to get it home after asking around the local houses if its was anyone's and phoned the RSPCA who were useless. Then phoned the local animal sanctuary who said they didn't take animals on a Weds (???!!!:mad:) and eventually asked my neighbour if she had a box for it. We both have dogs and so it was frightened to death, poor thing, and we can't keep it until we find its original home or a new one.
Next, I rang the vet who was lovely and said to bring it in to see if it was microchipped - its not. The vet gave me a number of a rabbit rescue place that's miles away and they said to insist that the RSPCA come out. Just rang them again and am waiting or the local branch to ring back. Meanwhile the rabbit is in my downstairs loo in a box with some rabbit food donated by the vet and water. Its driving the dog demented and he still hasn't been walked.

Why isn't life simple?
The poor little thing wouldn't move out of the way of the cars and would just get run over, I couldn't leave it there to die.

Just hoping that they ring soon - the main office couldn't tell me when it would be.......

lessonlearned

WelshWoofer wrote: »

LL - I thought I was having a traumatic day until I read your post. Vent to your heart's content. You're in an extremely difficult position and it must be heartbreaking. Does your dad treat your sister in the same way?


Why isn't life simple?
The poor little thing wouldn't move out of the way of the cars and would just get run over, I couldn't leave it there to die.

Just hoping that they ring soon - the main office couldn't tell me when it would be.......

No he doesn't treat my sister the same way:rotfl::rotfl:

She is and always has been his darling baby girl. TBH it doesn't bother me - I'm not even remotely jealous. It's not my imagination - loads of friends and relatives have noticed and commented. My sister gets really upset on my behalf but I tell her it really doesn't matter. I'm so used to it now that it's water off a duck's back.

To be fair he's been giving my sis a hard time too just lately although not nearly as bad as the way he treats me. I'm afraid it was ever thus - that's why I left home at the tender age of 19 and never looked back. I made damn sure that I never had a boyfriend or married anyone remotely like him.

My darling OH is and always was sweetness and light. He gets sick - the bullies and b*****ds of this world get off scot free. Go figure.

We know it's stress that's making him worse but to be brutally honest - he's always been a bully. He's hardly likely to improve now.

He does actually have lots of support. They have morning and evening carers in, my sister and BIL have been doing all the shopping, running errands and running around after them, they have a cleaner who goes way beyond the call of duty doing all sorts of little favours. They have neighbours who have gone out of way to give Dad lifts when he couldn't drive, they have a fantastic medical centre on their doorstep, home visits from GP's, district nurses, prescriptions delivered - you name it. They have a great handy man who cleans the windows and does all sorts of diy jobs for a pittance and of course yours truly to help deal with "officialdom" and sit with mum to give dad a few breaks.

It's hard to see what more outside help they could get - apart from a nursing home. I honestly don't think dad appreciates any of it - all he does is moan about everything - the medics, the carers, the cleaner. He hasn't got a clue and has no idea just how fortunate they are to have so much help. Most of it free.

Poor baby rabbit. Hope it's ok, what's wrong with
Wednesdays:rotfl:

I clipped a pheasant's wing the other day - the daft thing hurled itself straight into my car. It sort of flew off - don't know if it survived.

Bye for now x

Savvy_sewing

LL. Vent all you need to!.
I suppose your Dad feels better if he passes the blame to someone else. Its not easy doing that job. Not that I am condoning him being a bully etc.
Perhaps you should get on to Adult Social services. It may not seem something you would do, but I do suggest that if you have a camera on your mobile, take a picture of the mess in the house and the sores on your Mum and actually SHOW them to the Adult care. They will take more notice then.
Finally I am getting some care organised for twin1 who is a vunerable young adult and she cannot care for herself. etc. I took pictures and waved them under thier noses. Its started to make them sit up.
Now its time to do it for twin2!!. DS went to stay at the weekend, and he walked out and went to my parents as the place was a "bacteria heaven", and he wouldnt stay there. It really must have been bad for him to say that, or even notice it!.

On the Fabbing side, I went to get my hair have its weekly wash and blowdry. Feel so much better after it. I had another 3 minutes in the sunbed machine. Biggest of Mooloo came over, and she had 6 minutes in it. Yjou could actually see a difference on her, but I was too scared to do any more than the 3. I will wait and see how she progressed through the day and whether it was too much or not.

I wore a grey dress, jersey one with a scoop neckline that has black fabric swirls around the neck. I felt quite smart.
I bought a few things in the charity shop. Some for DGD to wear, and some for my sewing, but I did pick up a lovely Purple jersey dress thats an ATOS. Not sure what they sell at but I got it for £1.50!!!! bargain or what. I will try and get a photo of it and put it up for you to see. I am so thrilled to get something bright for such a low price!.

On the weight issue, as said before I dont have any scales, but I was very aware of my stomach starting to overhang from my hysterectomy scare above. I dont seem to have ever had much control of those muscles! But for the first time, I am really conscious of my figure!. So I think I will have to see about getting a secondhand slendertone or something, as I cannot do the exercises for stomaches, without my back problems getting worse! alas.
I am going to Portugal next month, so I want to be a bit more beach beautiful so perhaps its time I was more conscious of my food intake and what kind of exercising I can do with my ailments!.
I also want to make sure that the clothes i take will be dual perpose, and not frumpy!! So its time to sort the wardrobe out again, and the accessories I think. Thats the way to make something simple dressed up or down isnt it?

By the way, the Yellow jumper did help me. I got on to doing some sewing and really enjoying myself. Being dressed brightly gave me the little umph to get on.

verynewmoneysaver

LL my father is quite similar and has been a bully to my mother all his life. He's trying to get her out of Abbeyfields now,and said to her "You've had it easy the past year and now you don't want to do any housework". This to a woman with heart failure and chronic airways disease. Trouble is she colludes with him and is still willing to try to look after him if she can! I am trying my best to keep them there now but it's a struggle! Social services won't do much I also find. Hope you can get the rabbit sorted WW. It's a good job that there are some kind people about.

lessonlearned

verynewmoneysaver wrote: »

LL my father is quite similar and has been a bully to my mother all his life. He's trying to get her out of Abbeyfields now,and said to her "You've had it easy the past year and now you don't want to do any housework". This to a woman with heart failure and chronic airways disease. ]Trouble is she colludes with him and is still willing to try /B] after him if she can! I am trying my best to keep them there now but it's a struggle! Social services won't do much I also find. Hope you can get the rabbit sorted WW. It's a good job that there are some kind people about.

This is the problem isn't it. The Victim often colludes with the Bully. My mum has done this too. However I absolutely refuse to allow him to bully me.

I first started standing up to him when I was about 14, whilst mum continued to allow him to get away with blue murder. By the time I was 19 I had had enough and left them to it.

Now of course he is not going to change the habits of a lifetime.

I have to say all the teams looking after mum have been very very good - yes even Social Services:rotfl: Some carers are better than others obviously but on the whole my parents have been extremely fortunate with the care package that's been put in place.

It's just that dad will not or cannot (most likely) step up to the plate. His constant whinging, complaining etc and temper tantrums will only alienate them all.

I've learnt to ignore him - they won't. She'll be taken into care, he'll be heartbroken and it will be his own fault.

verynewmoneysaver

My sister and I left home early too because of Dad. I think Dad would be heartbroken too if anything happened to my Mum. He would be lost without her, even though he treats her as he does.