Real life MMD: Should I ask her to buy curtains?

Littleb

Nadi7 -Thanks for the heads up. I have two young children and after reading your post will now start writing down everything they break/every time they have wasted my money on toys they don't play with/lessons I buy kit for then decide after a few weeks they no longer want to go/money which they will ineveitably borrow in the future and never pay me back/money which I will undoubtedly give them to buy things which they can't afford when they first leave home/money for concert tickets/parties/holidays with friends/clothes which they ruin with paint or grass stains or ink etc...oh my list could go on.

Then, when I offer (or have been asked to make) curtains by either of them I will get out my file, which by that point will no doubt be 856 full pages long, (each) - tot it all up and start deducting my mistakes as a hapless mother. I would hate for them to go through life thinking they had a get-it-from-Mummy-free card.

I just hope and pray that I am raising my children in a manner that will not be as ungrateful as you or the OP and instead will laugh at my silly mistakes.

I would hate to think how much I would owe my Mum by now, one instance springs to mind when my brother and I were having a cushion fight and we managed to smash 75% of the ornaments in her display cabinet - cunningly hiding the smashed pieces in the bin next to the cabinet and rearranging the rest. Clearly we were masters of deceit as she is yet to ask us for the money...

Itsajoke_2

Give your mum a break!! The only thing she has been neglectful of is to bring you up to be more gracious!! Live with the curtains, you will probably tire of them long before your mum will get over your ungratefulness.

BlueAngelCV

I'm shocked by some of the comments.

This isn't just something the OP's mum's given her and she doesn't like it. the OP paid for the curtain material and that is now wasted money because her mum didn't do what she wanted.

If mum made a mistake that is one thing but if mum did it deliberably that is quite another.

I think whether or not you ask for money depends on the relationship with your mother and your relative financial situations. However, I think the reasons for/against asking for money are to do with not wanting to cause trouble and wanting to keep the relationship, on a strict and unemotional reading of the facts she should pay for the material.

milvusvestal

Good heavens, what kind of a person are you?

Curtain material is notoriously expensive, and having them made to measure professionally costs as much again. You should have stipulated precisely the measurements you wanted for every window, so that there could be no misunderstandings.

Put it down to experience, go and buy enough material to finish the job properly, and ask your Mum kindly to put in a bit more of her FREE time to re-do what's needed.

SandraDJ

This reminds me of a problem that I had with my MiL after I got married.

We lived in a small flat, so she offered to wash our blankets in the summer. She must have put them on a very hot wash, because they were so small that they wouldn't tuck in when I next used them.

It was a shame, as they were good blankets, but I learned not to accept any offers like that again.

I did have an issue when I was a teenager when I paid a local woman to knit me a pullover (which was fashionable at the time). I told her what size I wanted and provided all the wool. She didn't think that it looked big enough so knitted up a bigger size. It was far too big for me so I went back to her. My mum was horrified that I had done that, but I had paid for the knitting, and hadn't got what I asked for. I would never have been able to wear the pullover the way it was.

DickieSK

Hello MSE Debs,

Wow - I don't imagine you expected some of these responses.

You absolutely should be able to ask your Mum to pay for the curtain material she used.

Comments along the "she raised you and you cost her money" lines are purely emotive, flawed nonsense; the cost of raising a child until they leave uni is over £200,000 - are these people saying that parents didn't know that children cost money?; that it's somehow the child's fault?; and until the balance is redressed the child will always 'owe' the parent?

Comments along the "it was a favour, stop being ungrateful line" are similarly gibberish; consider this:
I'm a keen gardener and my mate asks me to turf his lawn and put in a flower border. I agree and he gives me £500 for turf; flowers, etc. I decide to spend his money paving over his garden and putting in a small vegetable garden. It's two days' back breaking work and I think it's much better than what he'd asked for. Is he justified in asking me for his money back? Of course he is - I wasted his money on something he didn't want; the fact that I did it as a favour with the best of intentions is irrelevant.

Unfortunately, this is a dilemma that comes down to your relationship with your mum - how sensitive she is, how well off she is, etc.

Good luck and please ignore the ranters on this thread.