Real life MMD: Should I ask her to buy curtains?

Middlestitch

Simple answer: of course not.

rinabean

I don't think it's that her mum means well. If her mum just made a mistake, then she would have seen the curtains, said something like "Oh, they're lovely, but they're too short!" Mum would have been dismayed and embarrassed by her mistake and offered to pay for more fabric. She would have of course said no, don't be silly, but asked if there was any way Mum could lengthen them. And Mum, being good at sewing, could have worked something out that the daughter liked, even if it wasn't what she'd originally wanted.

If this woman either feels unable to tell her mother she made a mistake, or maybe she did but she's acting like it's not her problem, then her mother probably didn't mean well - but asking for the money back won't make a pair of curtains, and it won't improve the already fragile relationship.

ladybird25

No, no and no.

She's your mum, so you should know her better than anyone, it's your fault for trusting her with the measurements. If she's a bit scatty surely you would have known that?

If she just likes things her own way and did as she pleased, then surely you would have known that too! Therefore your own fault again.

Maybe this will teach you to sit down next to her in future and learn a thing or two from her, rather than just taking advantage.

Sounds like she did a mighty good job. You didn't have curtains, now you do. Buy her flowers, give her a hug and say thank you.

DustD

Its interesting to read many people instantly jumping to the defence of mum, just because she is 'mum'. While family loyalty etc is very important, it doesn't give a member, even mum, 'carte blanche' to make any mistake they like without consquences. Curtain fabric can be very expensive and mum hasn't done what you asked - or has she?.

I think before you even consider this a dilemma though, it is essential to establish if this is your mothers fault (i.e. she has ignored your wishes) or whether there has been some miscommunication on your part. If there is any inkling of the latter, then its your problem.

Hopefully there has been a misunderstanding (!), rather than an outright disobeyment of your request (if thats the case, then I feel there is an issue...). Its also important to remember that it was nice of mum to do your curtains for you, as you do at least have the majority of them as you want.

So on the basis that it is a misunderstanding, its a case of accepting what you have or purchasing more fabric (at your expense) and being VERY specific with your requirements in future.

silverswan

As they are shorter than you wanted, why don't you keep them for the Spring/Summer months, and get a professional to make you your long dream curtains for the Winter months.Problem solved, but asking your own Mum to cough up when she's done you a favour is definitely a no no.

dibuzz

ladybird25 wrote: »

If she just likes things her own way and did as she pleased, then surely you would have known that too! Therefore your own fault again.

My mum is just like that.
Everything she made was nothing like I asked for because she always decided she knew best, often with disastrous results as she doesn't think things through properly.
I bought myself a sewing machine and although I'm no expert, at least any mistakes I make are my fault and I don't get annoyed looking at them.

ioscorpio

You asked your Mum because you did not want to pay to have them made up. So in future do them yourself, or pay some one to do them. Nice to see you appreciate the effort your Mum made to help you.

nadi7

How old is Mum? If she's not old enough for this to be dementia, then I'd absolutely have her pay for it, or at least make them again with her own material.

It was nice of her to offer, sure, but offering to do something out of the kindness of your heart and then messing it up so much that it's not possible to use the finished "gift" stops being kind and is either plain silly or "this is what I like and you should like it too."

After all, you didn't really get this for free, you bought the material, and now it's been wasted. Show your mum that the curtains don't fit your window, thank her for her hard work, but say you can't use them and what a shame you wasted your money and her time. Hopefully just from that she might offer to do it again. If not... well, you could be polite, not mention it, and buy new curtains. Or you could flatly ask her if she would buy some more material, as she ruined yours. Maybe even give her the curtains she made, if they're the right length for her windows!

Personally, if I'd done a "favour" for a family member and they were unhappy with the result because I'd got it wrong after they'd made it clear what they wanted, I'd be ensuring I did it again or fixed it for them, especially if they'd invested any money in my DIY.

Also, the poster below and DustD have very good points re: the maternal relationship. If Mum offered the help, then got it wrong, why shouldn't she do it again? Giving birth is not a get-out-of-jail-free card for every future mistake, if it was there would be a lot more (poorly raised) children and adults in the world!

skittycat

I agree with DustD - being a relative does not grant more rights to special consideration. I've known too many people who have/had mothers with narcissistic personality disorders, aggressive tendencies or who have been almost criminally neglectful to defend all women who have given birth without knowing more of the relationship dynamics. Not all are blessed with wonderful nurturing mothers and not all mothers deserve love and respect.

A lot of responders are also not reading the original post - the mother *offered*, the OP did not *ask*. So with that in mind is it the OP's fault for not being able to say no thanks to the offer? Perhaps, but thats a relationship issue as well and couched in the same guilt that is demonstrated by those who say you must respect the woman solely because she has familial links.

Yes, I think the cost of the fabric could be requested (but not the cost of curtains because that tales it too far) but I think that would difficult for the OP to ask. My best recommendation is that the OP learns to say "No" to her mother.

andthatmakesone

I can't believe you haven't called the police yet! She's clearly vandalised your home and should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!