son in tears this morning

meritaten

some people are just not 'morning persons' - tbh it takes me two cups of strong coffee before I am Compos Mentis - and I have always been the same. Despite having my eight hours of sleep.
BUT, it can also be a symptom of other problems. My niece is a morning hater and her twin is the exact opposite. My grandson is Aspergers and mornings are always a challenge - but not so for his sister who also has Aspergers. one granddaughter who is ADD is very 'challenging' in the morning! extra time is needed to allow for the 'dreamy' phase that GD is in.
Whatever the reason, if son doesnt function well in the morning you need to put 'coping strategies' in place.
such as making sure all items needed for school are got ready the night before - that perhaps his 'chore' of feeding the cat could be made easier by putting cat food and bowl ready. A timed routine is also good. (Think time and motion studies hun).
Yelling and shouting only stresses everyone out (tho gawd knows I have been there too) - its far better to try to work out how to make things easier - if it means getting up even ten minutes earlier it's worth it to reduce stress.

Savvy_Sue

BTW, I don't know if this would help, but I use timers and alarms on my phone a LOT. So if I have an event to get to, I'll set a reminder for, say, an hour beforehand, even if I only need half an hour. When the alarm goes off, I know I need to start getting my act together - last cup of tea, finding my bag, keys etc. When it goes off again, I know I've got to get serious about this. Would that help at all?

SingleSue

balletshoes wrote: »

not this mum, I'd have no problem explaining to a teacher why DD hasn't got her lunch with her if she's the one who's forgotten to take it with her. She has never been late for school, even if she's still brushing her hair in the car on the way.

I now have brushes in the car as well as in the house because they kept forgetting to brush their hair before leaving the house (accidently on purpose), they would say "Aww what a shame mum, we don't have time to go back to do it now".....they don't have that excuse now! :rotfl:

jackieb

My daughter is 16 (a young 16). She has always been like this. I agree, it's a nightmare. I have left her in the past when I have just got fed up trying to cajole her into getting out of bed. She would honestly stay there all day if I didn't nag her. I hate nagging. My Mum is a bit of a nagger and I try not to be, but sometimes there's no other way. I always wake her up with a cheery hello - it's not like I go in all guns blazing. But there have been several times where i've lost my voice trying to shivvy her on!

The school knows she's bad at motivating herself (she seems disinterested in so many things - she won't even brush her hair without being asked to) and her guidance teacher told me than rather keep her off the whole day if she's going to be late, it they'd rather see her in school, even if she is late in going in. So, she's quite often up to 10 minutes late. I feel drained.

She was only diagnosed with Asperger's last year but at least now I have some explanation for her behaviour over the years.

jellyhead

Nan63 wrote: »

Good lord! If my daughter had spoken to me like that she would have been grounded for life! I know as parents we are expected to ignore some actions but seriously, you let her speak to you like that with no repercussions??

We don't know if there were any repercussions. I thought Delain was saying that just to let the OP know that hers is not the only child who isn't a pleasant morning person.

Anyway, it sounds as if completely ignoring the daughter worked, as she stopped being bratty and started to speak normally. This is what we want for our children really - to work out for themselves that if they are nasty they will be alone and friendless, and for them to adjust their behaviour without us having to threaten or punish.

rachbc

I used to hate mornigns like that with my son. He was a nightmare - |I felt that if ididn't ask nothing woudl ever get done. But then I relaised - he knows what he needs to do, he knows when he needs to have done it by - hand over the responsibilty and let him do it. Trust me it onyl takes marching them out of the house is socks and pants once for them to realise why they need to get ready!

delain

Nan63 wrote: »

Good lord! If my daughter had spoken to me like that she would have been grounded for life! I know as parents we are expected to ignore some actions but seriously, you let her speak to you like that with no repercussions??

No, I don't let her speak to me like that with no repercussions, and there is a long back-story with DD1 that many posters on this site (though obviously not you) are aware of. She has complex emotional problems (not caused by me) and is very immature for her age, and has put us through hell over problems mainly caused by her dad and his side of the family, as Jellyhead has said I was teaching her that that sort of behaviour isn't getting the reaction she's after and I won't be goaded into an argument.

At no point did I say her on occasion horrendous behaviour isn't dealt with, just that when she is being screechy and everything is my fault I ignore it, I could get into a slanging match with her but everything I say just feeds it and all I can do is ignore and deal with it later, when she is going to listen and has calmed down because on the way to school safety is my main concern as we walk along a very busy road and it's almost 3 miles, the last thing I need is her running off in a strop and getting run over on a 50mph road!

BJV

I really feel better.

It is hard as I am sure you all know when you have problems with the kids to talk to anyone about it. If you admit that you are not super woman with an immaculate house, and sweet heart children it is always looked down on.

Strange it is only when I had children myself I realised what an absolute madam I was when I was younger. I really hope it is just a phase after all I grew up okish? I think ! So I can only do by best and stop beating myself up about it.

Last night I went home after reading some of the posts and when DS tried his normal tricks I could not help bursting out laughing. Poor thing did not know what to do? Went to bed like an angel!

So if nothing else thank you to everyone for helping me get at least one good bedtime!

Taadaa

Hmmmmm maybe you should take action the second or third time you have to tell him? Rather than leaving it until you reach your wits' end then bawling at him leaving both of you feeling awful afterwards.

Ask him to do it; give him a warning; then comes a suitable punishment. Watch Supernanny, she practically invented it. He needs to know in advance 'this is what the consequences will be' if he doesn't do as he is asked. It's important for him to learn cause and effect as well. Then afterwards he must apologise. I still do this with my 14 year old, he is much better behaved for it than he used to be.

pink68

BJV wrote: »

I really feel better.


Last night I went home after reading some of the posts and when DS tried his normal tricks I could not help bursting out laughing. Poor thing did not know what to do? Went to bed like an angel!

So if nothing else thank you to everyone for helping me get at least one good bedtime!

I think with mine once they realised I wouldnt rise to it anymore they gave up themselves. Sometimes their hormones set them up for confrontation without them knowing it.

The other night my son came out of the shower asking for a plaster as he 'had cut my thumb on the razor my sister left out on the shower'. I was already to blame his sister for being careless but she is away. then i noticed some hair on his cheek and realised he'd picked up the razor himself and been waving the razor around his non existent side burns.

I burst into laughter, he burst into tears with embarrassment.

He thought'd i have a go but i was just disappointed he had lied. Could have all got nasty very easily but really wasnt worth it!