son in tears this morning

TheConways

meer53 wrote: »

Don't want to depress anyone but my son is 25. Nowt changes. He's back home now after leaving for Uni at 18, if he speaks i nod, if not, everything is fine.

BUT, he is far better than my 11 year old daughter. I've decided to stop nagging, it winds me up more than her. Lets just say she's not a morning person It's a good job i am !

Come to think of it, my father is 63 and he is also difficult to get out of the door in the morning. He wakes around 6am, and if he and mum had planned to be somewhere at 10am, I can guarantee you he's still pottering around with his coffee and dressing gown on with the electronic circuit boards he designs for a living.

By the age of 63, you can get away with being mildly eccentric; this usually doesn't wash for a 9-year-old

GobbledyGook

Re getting things ready the night before - have you tried having everything near the door in the morning?

My elder daughter is a pain in the mornings. So the night before her bag, shoes, coat, jumper, lunch bag and gym/swimming bag get put near the door. Then after brekkie as we're abot to leave the jumper, shoes and coat get put on, the perishables get put in the lunch bag and we leave with very little opportunity for things to get left behind, but without the need for the battles of "where is X".

balletshoes

j.e.j. wrote: »

The trouble is, if the child doesn't get to school on time, or hasn't got their lunch with them, or whatever, mum feels she will be the one who gets the blame for it.
So she prompts/nags (depending on your viewpoint!). She's then criticized and made to feel guilty for being the shouty, nagging woman. Can't really win, can she :rotfl:

not this mum, I'd have no problem explaining to a teacher why DD hasn't got her lunch with her if she's the one who's forgotten to take it with her. She has never been late for school, even if she's still brushing her hair in the car on the way.

missile

I feel sorry for OP. Brings back memories of when my kids were young.

I had to laugh and hope OP will be able to, one day soon.

System

Bet you all now think I am the worst parent on earth.

No i think i must be the worst parent on earth as once i called my kids to get up and get ready for school once that was it. I repeatedly had to make allowances for my brothers bad temper and moods on a school morning and it made me grow up resentful.

If i had to go up to my kids twice they were grounded. If they were ill and had to have time off school i made them stay in bed all day.

Bad behaviour always has to be challenged or they will think they can get away with it.

As for yelling at your kids, if your not supposed to smack them and you cant yell at them what on earth are you supposed to do to correct them? If you take something away from them for a period of time they will just play with something else.

System

like this morning when we were walking to school everything was my fault, I'm the reason she's unhappy, she's shouting at me because I'm stupid (:eek:) and then when I asked her why she said I don't care about her, then she called me a fat blob :mad: at which point I just switched off, ignored her and spoke to the other two.

Words fail me

Sambucus_Nigra

They only go to school once in their jim jams.

I'd sit him down, get him to write a checklist of everything he needs [this may take some prompting], get him a clock in his room if he hasn't already got one and tell him you aren't going to nag him anymore, you are going to leave it up to him to get ready at [whatever time you leave], and if forgets anything; including getting dressed - he will be taken to school as is at the time you usually leave - even if he is still in his pyjamas.

All you are going to do is to wake him up and remind him at x oclock that it's x oclock and he has 30 minutes to go.

McKneff

I used to send them up to their room (remember no extra tellys, xboxes or anything in those dasy) but then i realised that it was exactly what they wanted to do.
After that I hit them where it really hurt, in their pockets, not ever no pocket money, but on a sliding scale.
£1 a week contract often ended up in being 20p. Till they learned.

pollypenny

When my son that age we had his hearing tested! He seemed to be in another world; it wasn't that he didn't do as he was asked - he didn't hear!

All fine, though. His mind was elsewhere - what ever sport was in season. Got his Master's degree last Summer while holding down a full time job.

pink68

Golly my daughter was like that when she was 9/10.

Once i'd gont beyond the shouting stage I once just drove off to take my son to school without her. I only went to the end of the close then turned round and went back. She got the point that day as if she'd had to walk she'd have been an hour late!

Also speak to the school and tell them the problem and that you are at your wits end. Tell them that in future if he does not bring x/y/z to school they can punish him. I remember one friend having trouble getting son to do homework so she said fine, school then made him miss breaktime to do it. he soon started getting it done on time!

Also try and spend a bit of time with him on his own every few evenings , perhaps go for a walk round the block and just explain why it makes you cross when he behaves like that. But this must be done calmly, let him explain his viewpoint then tell him you will bear his opinion in mind. Perhaps he actually feels genuinely put out about something in the mornings.

My daughter is now 14 and most days is now pretty damn perfect (but not all!)