Dad is refusing to give my daughter back

Confusednfrightened

Thank you clearingout, My mum has come over to sit with me for a bit, she has even tried to call to speak to her grandaughter and been refused too (he told her she was asleep)

Its just a nightmare i never thought he would do anything like this.

Confusednfrightened

Just_Plain_Jane wrote: »

Let's hope he's misguided enough to think that the girlfriend will be allowed to collect her. That's one scenario you can put your foot down about.

I have told nursery that she isnt to collect her, they have only been together 6 months and he has during this 6 month period dropped his visits here and there, the new girlfriend has only met our daughter twice, but has recently moved into his house.

GobbledyGook

You need to get yourself on a legal footing even if you do get her back today. For as much as you can pick her up today then he can pick her up tomorrow or next week. Equally as you have equal responsibility and rights (who pays the bills is neither here nor there) then as often as you say the girlfriend isn't to pick her up he has the right to say that the girlfriend is to be added to the list of people allowed to pick her up.

Pulling a stunt like this from nowhere will not go down well with a court. I hope it's all sorted soon for you.

clearingout

you'll be fine. You've looked after her since birth, worked, managed a household and made sure she has good contact with her dad. There is no reason there to remove her from your care. You have to go some to have a change of residence ordered by the courts - drugaddictedalcoholicseriouslymentallyillprostitute kind of thing!!!!

Is the girlfriend new? does she have children herself? have they recently moved in together? My starting point for all this was totally different to yours but I can say with some certainty, that the girlfriend in my situation wasn't encouraging my ex to go ahead with silly behaviour over residence (she couldn't stand our children!). However, new partners are notorious for getting involved and helping make mountains out of molehills, although they often believe they are helping out rather than causing problems. Finding where the boundaries are can be very difficult for all concerned.

Presumably he too is now getting legal advice - please ask your solicitor to get into court today or first thing tomorrow on an ex parte hearing. This is where you basically pay your money and go and sit and wait till a judge has 5 minutes to speak with you- it is done without notifying the other side. It may not be possible (essentially it's for 'emergencies' and assuming you have no concerns about your ex's care, I guess it isn't strictly an emergency) but worth a shot. Your ex has the potential to do the same.

Has he family you get on with ? his mum or a sister with children might make him see sense? whatever you do, don't go threatening legal action - keep quiet about that. Just ask for their help.

Gigglepig

If your OH and his girlfriend is willing to provide free childcare then in principle that is not necessarily a bad idea, and if he is a good dad perhaps it would be nice for your daughter if he had more custody...

BUT - to refuse to return her with no warning, and then refusing you to speak to her, is clearly not the right way for him to go about changing a custody arrangement. This makes him seem almost unstable and I bet his behaviour will backfire on him when you discuss custody in court.

Has he raised the idea of taking your daughter out of nursery before?

You mention that you never thought he would do anything like this. If this behaviour is out of character for him, and the only reason he gives is the nursery arrangement, it also makes me wonder if there could be something else that made him concerned for his daughter?
For example, if you have a new partner he dislikes, or he for some reason suspects smoking/drinking/drugs, health issues...
On the flip side, could he have any such issues? Or financial issues (sadly some estranged parents seem motivated to change custody in order to avoid CSA payments...)

Confusednfrightened

His girlfirnd is new and doesnt have any children of her own so i dont see her willingly wanting to have a ready made child at home if you know what i mean. They have been together 6 months and she has just recently moved in. But then i dont know what goes on behind closed doors so she could be behind this for whatever reason.

I get on with his mum and she phoned this morning to find out if he had been in touch, she doesnt know what hes playing at either,

Confusednfrightened

Gigglepig wrote: »

If your OH and his girlfriend is willing to provide free childcare then in principle that is not necessarily a bad idea, and if he is a good dad perhaps it would be nice for your daughter if he had more custody...

BUT - to refuse to return her with no warning is clearly, and then refusing you to speak to her, is clearly not the right way for him to go about changing a custody arrangement. This makes him seem almost unstable and I bet his behaviour will backfire on him when you discuss custody in court.

Has he raised the idea of taking your daughter out of nursery before?

You mention that you never thought he would do anything like this. If this behaviour is out of character for him, and the only reason he gives is the nursery arrangement, it also makes me wonder if there could be something else that made him concerned for his daughter?
For example, if you have a new partner he dislikes, or he for some reason suspects smoking/drinking/drugs, health issues...
On the flip side, could he have any such issues? Or financial issues (sadly some estranged parents seem motivated to change custody in order to avoid CSA payments...)

He normally collects our daughter on the evenings he has her.

The only reason i can think is his new girlfriend, i have no new partner, i go out only on the weekend he has her, i dont smoke/ take drugs/ and dont have any health issues.
Financially im not well off but not struggling, and he only pays £20 every 2 weeks child support.

clearingout

Confusednfrightened wrote: »

His girlfirnd is new and doesnt have any children of her own so i dont see her willingly wanting to have a ready made child at home if you know what i mean. They have been together 6 months and she has just recently moved in. But then i dont know what goes on behind closed doors so she could be behind this for whatever reason.

I get on with his mum and she phoned this morning to find out if he had been in touch, she doesnt know what hes playing at either,

the new girlfriend may or may not be behind what is going on - not worth dwelling on it. I think you'd be surprized, however, at how many new partners like the idea of a ready made family - which is why I asked if she had her own children ('cos if she did, she'd know exactly what she was letting herself in for and take a bit more care!) He's perhaps expressed a desire to see his daughter more and hey presto, they've come up with a daft plan when the opportunity presented itself.

gigglepig - regardless of whether or not it might be good for dad to spend more time with his daughter, I don't agree at any level that a parent of a young child should be 'forced' to have a new partner care for their child unless it is something both parents agree with. There are way too many boundaries to be crossed and toes to be stepped on to make it genuinely workable.

floss2

Confusednfrightened wrote: »

...Financially im not well off but not struggling, and he only pays £20 every 2 weeks child support.

Is that through the CSA or because he's on low income?

Candy53

OP, I thought you said the nursery was going to let you know if your husband took your child in? Have you rang them to see?

Candy