Strop over stag do...unreasonable?

stir_crazy

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I guess that's the way it was traditionally, you know when after dinner the ladies cleared the dishes and had a sherry while the men retired to the drawing-room for port and cigars

HBS x

They're not really comparable though are they? We're talking about a knees up, not female oppression.

Idiophreak

Have you actually spoken to your OH about why you can't come, OP?
What did he say?

Personally, I've organised a couple of stag do's and *really* wouldn't want to be the best man that turned up with his Mrs - the only woman on the stag...all the other guys would be a bit "!!!!!!!?"...I know that you said there are other girls that could go, but I still think your OH would worry about how he'd look to his mates, if he can't tear himself away from you for one night...

I've been to both mixed and single-sex stags (actually my sister was the only girl on a stag I went to once) and they've always been fine either way. You just show people a list of invitees beforehand so they know what to expect and it's all good.

I do think you're a little closed-minded based on your life experiences, though. I still think there are far more single-sex stags and hens that go on, that just hasn't been your experience. I don't think mixed-sex stags are particularly more "modern" than others and I don't think single-sex stags are particularly dated. It's just a bit of a tradition and, for a lot of guys, a chance to let their hair down with their friends away from their partners for once.

heartbreak_star

Heyhey, thanks for all the opinions guys! I really do think I picked the wrong word when I used strop - I think dismay is probably a better word...I don't throw strops and never have, it never gets you anywhere haha!

My OH essentially forgot that I've known the groom as long as him and certainly for a long time before we got together. Just never even crossed his mind - it seems to be that (for once) he saw me as "his girlfriend" first and "friend of the groom and the other lads" later. It also looks like there's going to be a lot more people than was originally envisaged...lol. So it looks like I was omitted by forgetfulness rather than intent.

Also, he found out that there's not going to be much of a hen night and though I might be able to work some organisational wonder on that - I'll try. Still not sure if I'll attend in the end as I'll only know the bride (and maybe one of her friends), but I will send in a botlle of wine for her if she goes with my historical day out.

Bit of communication did wonders and I don't feel so sad anymore. I still might not go if there's going to be a lot of people I don't know - I think I was more dismayed that it appeared to be my close friends and not me.

Thanks for the input, even those of you that put me down. Special thanks to Lovelyjoolz, and special bemusement award to whoever implied I hang round with lads for attention - I don't, I just have no interest in traditionally girly things.

Stuff does work out for the best

HBS x

bubbles0169

i went on the hen night when i only knew the bride and had only met her a couple of times due to the groom moving away from the area he and my h2b grew up in, my h2b was best man too, it was nice, no one excluded me they were all very friendly and it was nice to see familiar faces at the actual wedding and not feel like rabbits caught in headlights!

heartbreak_star

Some of the lads will be at the wedding (and the groom - hopefully ahaha - and my OH) so I'll be fine May pop to the hen night drinkies to see how the day activity went though

HBS x

Idiophreak

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Some of the lads will be at the wedding (and the groom - hopefully ahaha - and my OH) so I'll be fine May pop to the hen night drinkies to see how the day activity went though

HBS x

tbh I'd go to all of it, or not at all.

You have to remember that a lot of people there won't know each other - as you normally have, a group of work friends, a group of family, a group of uni friends etc - and all the "bonding" will be done earlier in the day as people get to know each other. if you turn up in the evening you'll just feel even more of an odd-one-out than if you'd gone to the whole thing.

BugglyB

Just an aside but it really has nothing to do with 'feminism' as many people have posted on the first page! I'm having an all female hen and oh is having an all male stag and I'm a feminist in theory and in practice. Feminism is distinctly not about who gets invited to a party...

I think what it boils down to is your boyfriend didnt want to turn up at the stag do with his girlfriend in tow - surely you can understand that from his perspective? Its not a couples weekend! Let the poor man be!

Go to the hen do, you might surprise yourself. Girls aren't all terrible you know. personally my interests are motorbikes and beer, as well as pink nail polish...

heartbreak_star

BugglyB - I've known the groom as long as he has and I think that was a big part of my initial grump - we've only been together a year and this is the first time he's seen me as "girlfriend" first and "person" second!

Idiophreak - Even better - I can buy a drink for the bride then pop off and do my own thing if everyone's already bonded without me

I've chilled out a lot today as explained above. Communication comes highly recommended! Cheers

HBS x

Sarri_2

Hmm, an interesting read - one of my oldest friends got married last year - we've been good mates for ten years and more. I wasn't invited to his stag do as it was a proper blokey do (though my OH who hasn't known him too long went along.) I wasn't invited to the hen do as I don't really know the bride very well, and I did end up feeling a bit sad at being left out of the pre-wedding fun, but I'm not really sure what the solution would have been. I just had to shrug my shoulders and enjoy the wedding (which was lovely)

heartbreak_star

I think that's what I'll probably do Sarri

HBS x