Strop over stag do...unreasonable?

Sambucus_Nigra

shellsuit wrote: »

It's simple. You ask your OH to ask the groom if girl 'friends' are OK to go to the stag do.

If your OH wants to keep it as a suprise for a groom, then it looks like you won't be going.

Why is the 'decent' thing to attend a hen do in this situation?

theoldcynic

heartbreak_star wrote: »

The bride knows me as a friend of her husband-to-be, I think I mentioned she probably assumes I'll be on the stag do!

The fact that you use the word 'probably' indicates to me you are not sure! You cannot assume in this situation, remember some of her blokey mates might be attending that stag do, she may well be feeling like she is missing out on a great party too but is willing to do so to respect his feelings.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I'm not really opposed to same-sex stag or hen parties, they just bemuse me a bit because it's not what I'm used to and it seems very old-fashioned in this day and age...unless there's something to be hidden?

I think you are confusing tradition with being old fashioned. Many people like tradition, they dream about their day and the events surrounding it, grow up with expectations from attending other events as a child and adult, and largely people like to live up to those expectations and dreams even if they are a little out of touch with modern society. The same way many brides (including myself!) still like to wear white dresses, some like to throw bouquets etc... the real meaning behind these traditions are usually lost on todays modern society however people still like to do them.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

it's not what I'm used to and it seems very old-fashioned in this day and age...unless there's something to be hidden?

You say you are not opposed however infer that by following tradition that there is something to hide. I actually don't think that is very just or fair.

Concentrate on the fact that your good friend seems to have found someone he is happy and willing to settle down and share his life with and everything else like party/wedding details is a bonus.

mrcow

Do you really want to attend a party where you've had to throw a strop just to get an invite?

Lovelyjoolz

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I guess that's the way it was traditionally, you know when after dinner the ladies cleared the dishes and had a sherry while the men retired to the drawing-room for port and cigars

HBS x

Yes, and traditionally, women weren't allowed to work/go out without a chaperone/move from the kitchen sink.... Thankfully, most traditions have fallen by the wayside now!

Gender-specific stag/hen do's are also a thing of the past. Yay!

shellsuit

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Why is the 'decent' thing to attend a hen do in this situation?

I said why at the end of the sentence...so that the OP could get to know her better before the big day.

________


If OP has been invited on the hen night, and doesn't know the bride very well, OP could ask the bride if she could take one of her friends along with her.

I just don't get the foot stomping over the whole thing, when it's her own OH who is sorting it all out!

It's him her moans and groans should be directed at.

trinity_enigma

Ok I haven't had time to read the whole thread but have read the first page (and the first post ).

I remember when one of my male friends was getting married and I helped a little with the organisation and it was gutting not to be invited- although I did hint a lot!

Having spoken to my H2B about his stag do he has said that although he has some tomboy female friends who would fit in perfectly with your average stag do he doesn't want to invite them because other more feminine female friends wouldn't really understand why they weren't invited, but it would change the entire mood of the night if they were there. It also prevents couples from going as even when they aren't doing anything particularly couple-like they still act like a couple and seperates people and alters the mood.

Is it happening close to home? If it was would it be possible to go to the activity part of the day but have the lads on their own for the night part?

sugarwalsh

Sorry, but I do think you are being unfair to be stroppy. As your oh is organising it you are putting him in a really difficult situation. By expecting to be invited you are either forcing him to accept you go or forcing him to have to say 'no' to you. If your oh wanted a joint stag for his friend I am pretty certain he would have mentioned it before you asked.

You say you know the groom, but you don't know his wife to be. I too am one who thinks that should you be invited to her hen you should go and get to know her better.

aquamarine10

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I also fear that if I am actually invited to the hen night I won't know anybody and it'll just be sitting around watching chick flicks and !!!!!ing.


HBS x

Equalitarian?? doesn't sound it. Ps - my three best friends aremale and I wouldn't expect to go on their stag dos. You won't be wanted there by a good few of them no doubt so why put yourself through it? don't go to the hen night either.

mixenvixen

I think perhaps you picked the wrong choice of words when you said strop. I don't know about other people but to me a strop implies actual action and making the person aware that you are annoyed with them. I don't know if other people percieve this word the same as me??

At first when you said 'strop' (with my view in mind as to what this word means) I thought this was pretty unreasonable (same thoughts on others- it's not your day etc...), however after reading on I get the jist of what you actually mean (perhaps "feeling annoyed"??) and I think this is fair. You've got yourself excited about this event, your expectation (due to your past experiences) was that you were going to go, you perhaps (just my opinion) got a little too innvolved in the planning and so I think it's fairly acceptable for you to feel let down that you wont be there.

Just my two cents, please don't take offence to this, but are you sure your OH wants you there?? I'm sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but he doesn't seem to be putting up much of a fight for your place. You've said it's his decision and it seems sort of like he's passing the buck to someone else...

Can I make a possible suggestion for a compromise?? Me and my OH are in a sort of similar situation (we only tend to get married once so want the really traditional hen/stag dos, however with a mix of male/female friends between us is difficult) So what we intend to do is have a joint event with stag/hens in the day (beach, cricket, bbq) to break the ice between everyone (his gfs who don't know me very well and vice versa) and then go off for stag/hen dos (seperate sexes). I think if you did a similar thing it would solve your problem- you wouldn't be so awkward at the brides hen do, you get to catch up with all your male friends in the day and the guys get their stag do (which it sounds like your OH) really want.

Sambucus_Nigra

shellsuit wrote: »

I said why at the end of the sentence...so that the OP could get to know her better before the big day.

I don't think it's indecent to want to go on your actual friend's pre-wedding jaunt - but I think it is inappropriate to go on a pre-wedding jaunt of someone that you aren't actually friends with.

She sounds as if she knows the bride to be well enough, to be honest.