Strop over stag do...unreasonable?

heartbreak_star

Okay, I will admit maybe I'm being a stroppy girl, but wondering what others think.

I've always been quite open-minded on wedding preps - I've been on stag and hen dos, hag dos etc, and am of the opinion that the definition has evolved - rather than being "the boys" and "the girls", the stag do tends to be friends of the groom and the hen do friends of the bride in my circle. I have also been a best man and thusly organised a stag do, which was a success.

Me and my OH have an invite to two weddings this year. The friends of the bride and groom are identical in one of then so they're having a "boy activity" day and a "girl activity" day - you can attend one, both, or neither no matter your gender. The other...I'm helping to organise the stag do BUT am not invited!! :mad:

I am friends with the groom and have been for over a decade. I know the bride, but only vaguely, and I certainly don't know any of her friends that would be on her hen night. Am I being unfair to be in a bit of a strop about not being invited to the stag do?

Please don't flame me, I'm genuinely a bit upset about this and would like some opinions, that's all.

A rather sad HBS x

catalunya

Hi HBS,

How is it that you are helping to organise it and have now found out you arent invited?!

I think it is unfair and I would be annoyed, but have you asked to see if there is a specific reason for you (and maybe other people?) not being invited?

Hope you can sort it...

heartbreak_star

I've helped organise because my OH is best man and I know people who help run the activity they want to do (paintball - which I LOVE) and can get mate's rates, and can get tickets for bars on the night time.

And OH is worried that the stag do won't want me along because I'm a girl...apparently he's going to ask if they mind.

I don't know if it's worth the hassle even though I really want to go as I don't see these guys much and some of them won't be at the wedding.

HBS x

catalunya

I am wondering whether your OH is right and not because he doesnt want you there, but because the lads going wont be able to do all the 'laddish' type things they have planned/act out of turn without being found out or whatever they do on these weekends!

I suppose it comes to down to the fact that stags & hens are very gender separate stereotypically and therefore thats the way they want it.

I'd love to go on a Stag do too HBS, I love doing lads activities and not fussed about strip clubs etc but I suppose we have to deal with the fact they want their space!!

Only consolation I suppose is that they will have a fab time and your OH (and therefore in turn you) will get the credit!

wifeforlife

Don't take offence as I promise it's not meant, however I think in this instance let the boys go be boys.

If it makes you feel better don't help organise the stag, but your friend will always remember you helping and putting in effort to help him enjoy his traditional stag.

I personally would be more embarrassed if my OH asked could he bring me along, friends or not.

Don't be upset, you don't want it to affect your friend who you obviously think very highly of.

shellsuit

Surely the only reason you're not invited, is because it's a proper stag do, as in men only?

heartbreak_star

I couldn't bring myself to not help when it's in my capacity to

It's not really my OH asking to bring "his girlfriend" along - I probably didn't make that clear - but more "is it OK if a girl comes?". There are some other non-invitees (the groom is quite good at falling out with people and always has been!) so we might go do something fun that night. Just a bit meh as I can also guarantee that OH probably won't come home that night, or he'll have everyone in tow haha...but that means I can have immense fun banging pots around the next morning I guess!

HBS x

heartbreak_star

shellsuit wrote: »

Surely the only reason you're not invited, is because it's a proper stag do, as in men only?

How wonderfully anachronistic of you this is the attitude I'm on about...can there not be friends of the opposite gender that would like to celebrate the upcoming nuptials with the half of the couple they know best?

HBS x

[Deleted User]

I've only been to one stag do where 'girls were allowed' - it was hopelessly rubbish. Sorry, but i'm not one for 'big lads nights out' in particular anymore - but a stag do is a place for guys to relax and be men

Yes, be upset - but remember that it's the grooms choice to have his stag do how he wants it. Feminism and stag nights are not good bedfellows

I've found paintball very overrated - i had far more fun doing outdoor lasertag (e.g. http://www.saslasercombat.co.uk/)

Torry_Quine

It does seem strange to me that you would want to go to a stag do. The groom isn't being thoughtless, it probably never crossed his mind you would want to go. If you do you'll probably be the only woman there and only asked becase you brought it up

heartbreak_star

*sigh* if you read my original post...I have been a best man, organised a successful stag do (with people of both gender in attendance), and have attended both stag and hen dos in the past, hence my surprise at the outcome of this.

Seems like people aren't as open-minded as I thought - and if you check my opinions on feminism which are plastered all over the boards I'm pretty equalitarian. Incidentally, the groom knows nothing about all this - the best man is organising it (who happens to my OH). I also fear that if I am actually invited to the hen night I won't know anybody and it'll just be sitting around watching chick flicks and !!!!!ing.

Hope that's clarified things a bit.

HBS x