Am I over reacting?

Savvy_Sue

DylanO wrote: »

It's not a magical process - you are responsible for teaching him. No one else - you.

One way of doing this is by giving him chores where it will actually matter to him if they don't get done.

Mine all started doing their own washing once they went into the 6th form. That way they learned not just how, but when, to do their washing. You don't wait until you've worn your last pair of pants!

Spendless

DVardysShadow wrote: »

As for having a word with her, well again, I think you are going to make a bad situation worse. If you know what she said about the money for working in the shop, someone has snitched. And you are going to cause a problem between gran and the snitch.

That's what I wondered who told you what Granny said, because if it was your son how do you know that a kid/teenage 'spin' hasn't been put on the way it was worded? If it was Granny then she is telling you to your face, even if it wasn't any of her business and if it was SIL then a whole other row may explode.

ETA _ I see you've said it was your son whilst i was typing. She may have said it in a whole different context to the way it's beeing repeated/presented to you.

Secondary school trips are expensive and make me wonder why I ever moaned about a tenner for a Primary school one. I don't get why they have to be so 'exotic'. I don't believe it's a jolly for the teachers going. I once accompanied my DD on a trip to the village church -never again! I do think it might be a case of 'our school offers residential trips to x, y, z' and one upmanship. Anyhooo...I think the suggestions you have received in making your DS raise to a limit or a % of anything he receives are good ones.

mountainofdebt

Well I have to admit when Junior was in school he did go on a couple of these trips but we made it very clear that there would be no birthday pressies and that they also formed a very large part of his Christmas present as well.

Whilst I would be mad with the MIL I think I would be also mad with the son as well - obviously a deal was struck and now that (I presume) money has been paid towards the trip, he's now trying to renegiotiate the deal -no doubt hoping that his mum and dad will fall into line.

OP do you think you are giving him mixed messages re the value of money? On one hand you want him to appreciate the value of money with saving towards his trip but on the other hand, you're going without so that he can what he wants - yes I know it would be nice if he would show some appreciation but I think children since time began haven't really appreciated their parents, and what they have done from them, until they become parents themselves

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

You try taking students abroad - it really isn't a load of laughs!

I'm good friends with a few teachers, they consider the travel a perk.

mountainofdebt

Person_one wrote: »

I'm good friends with a few teachers, they consider the travel a perk.

I would imagine it would be - right up to the point where something goes wrong and then everyone starts shouting where was the teacher when x,y and z happened.

fedupnow

jackie_w wrote: »

I can't teach him things if there are people out there who tell him to lie to his parents!

Yes, his Gran was a bit naughty. But that's Grans for you.

I suspect he had a little moan to her about having to pay for his trip, 'Nobody else has to,' blah de blah. Be careful he isn't being a little tinker and trying a clumsy effort at playing you off against each other. He might think if he gets Gran onside he might get a little more.

I also suspect other parents are making their kids help out towards their ticket too. They're just not admitting it.

It's the same as when there is a new trend on trainers (just think bigger numbers) All the kids no doubt fight with their parents, 'But, Mum, everybody will take the mick if I have to wear THOSE.'

Does he know you will have to work overtime for the money? I'm not suggesting you put a guilt trip on him, but an awareness of how much £1500 is worth to YOU might do the trick. Everything is relevant etc.

Person_one

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I would imagine it would be - right up to the point where something goes wrong and then everyone starts shouting where was the teacher when x,y and z happened.

Probably depends on the school too.

nickyhutch

jackie_w wrote: »

Can I just say we aren't made of money. we don't have any debt but we don't have any savings either.
for us to afford this trip, my husband and I are going to have to work overtime to put money towards this.

We as a family are going on holiday in a few weeks and we have saved 2 years for this holiday. There will be no holiday for the family next year because we can't afford it, but when this school trip came up we thought it was a trip of a lifetime for my son and that is why we agreed to let him go, and Will need to put in extra time at work for this. if there was no overtime, I would be selling items on eBay etc.

it's not as if we are saying to him you are not getting any gifts for your birthdayor Christmas because we are paying for this trip. As I said his birthday is in a few weeks and he asked for a watch, and pair of football boots and 2 playstation games which we have got him.

If I were to say to him to save the money he earns from working in the shop as spending money and we were to pay for the actual holiday, the would be a fight too.

How about your son getting a regular part-time job to chip in? You're clearly having to work hard to pay for this trip, so at 16, it's only fair he contributes.

jackie_w

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Well I have to admit when Junior was in school he did go on a couple of these trips but we made it very clear that there would be no birthday pressies and that they also formed a very large part of his Christmas present as well.

Whilst I would be mad with the MIL I think I would be also mad with the son as well - obviously a deal was struck and now that (I presume) money has been paid towards the trip, he's now trying to renegiotiate the deal -no doubt hoping that his mum and dad will fall into line.

OP do you think you are giving him mixed messages re the value of money? On one hand you want him to appreciate the value of money with saving towards his trip but on the other hand, you're going without so that he can what he wants - yes I know it would be nice if he would show some appreciation but I think children since time began haven't really appreciated their parents, and what they have done from them, until they become parents themselves

Maybe I am?

When I was growing up, if I wanted extra things, ie make up, I had to work in my dads shop to get it, and I didn't get any help at all.
if my SIL doesn't ask him to work in the shop again, he obviously isn't goingto get any extra money, and so it goes back to the birthday money and Christmas money that goes towards the holiday.

jackie_w

fedupnow wrote: »

Yes, his Gran was a bit naughty. But that's Grans for you.

I suspect he had a little moan to her about having to pay for his trip, 'Nobody else has to,' blah de blah. Be careful he isn't being a little tinker and trying a clumsy effort at playing you off against each other. He might think if he gets Gran onside he might get a little more.

I also suspect other parents are making their kids help out towards their ticket too. They're just not admitting it.

It's the same as when there is a new trend on trainers (just think bigger numbers) All the kids no doubt fight with their parents, 'But, Mum, everybody will take the mick if I have to wear THOSE.'

Does he know you will have to work overtime for the money? I'm not suggesting you put a guilt trip on him, but an awareness of how much £1500 is worth to YOU might do the trick. Everything is relevant etc.

He is aware that we will need to work hard to get this money to pay for the holiday.

Someone said that his gran might not have put it like that but TBH that is the kind of thing she would say, I love my MIL to bits, but when it comes to my DS he can wind her round his finger.