Am I over reacting?

DylanO

I don't think your MIL was right to do what she did how she did it, but I think she was right to do it.

Can I ask OP - though I know the answer already - when you go on holiday, do you give up every other treat in order to pay for it? Do you not spend on anything else while you are saving for it? Because that's effectively what you're demanding your son do.

Your original deal, according to your OP, was that any pocket money and any birthday/Christmas money would be put towards the trip and then you changed the deal by demanding that the money he earned separate to this also went towards the trip. No wonder he feels hard done by.

Quite aside from the fact that my personal beliefs are that parents should fund school trips full stop - you really need to give clearer signals otherwise others will get involved to stick up for your child. You're not the only one who cares about him, and you should be grateful that your MIL had the guts to tell you that you are in the wrong before you damaged the relationship with your child.

Why do you pay him for doing chores? Why is he allowed not to contribute to the household jobs?

fedupnow

Person_one wrote: »

[STRIKE]Lucky[/STRIKE] Clever teachers.

:rotfl: Yeah, I thought that too.

Makes me want to be a teacher. Almost.

DylanO

jackie_w wrote: »

We buy all his clothes for him. The only thing he has to spend his money on is play station games or sweets if he wants to buy them. if he decides to go to the cinema/mcdonalds with his friends we also pay for that. We actually pay for nearly everything for him, and this is why I specifically said he would, need to contribute.
I just feel at 16 he should be starting to be a bit more responsible, but as someone has said maybe I'm being too vague with the amount he should be paying.

It's not a magical process - you are responsible for teaching him. No one else - you.

Cat501

Wow - £1500! I was lucky enough to go on a trip to Aegina with the school when I was 15, my first holiday not spent at my gran's house - and there haven't been many not spent there since! But I know if it had cost anything like that I'd have had no chance of going.

I'm guessing it must be a very affluent area because the cost of those trips is going to preclude an awful lot of kids from going. Even getting contributions from grandparents I could never stretch to that. For a few hundred pounds less, we'd find a way. But to me MOST of the kids that are going to be able to go on these trips are ones who probably aren't unaccustomed to foreign holidays.

I know, it's the way of the world....anyway, yes I'd be livid with MIL for the way she's gone about things, I definitely wouldn't take all DS's money off him, (he sounds a good lad to me ), and I hope he has an amazing time!!:)

Dunroamin

fedupnow wrote: »

:rotfl: Yeah, I thought that too.

Makes me want to be a teacher. Almost.

You try taking students abroad - it really isn't a load of laughs!

DylanO

Cat501 wrote: »

Wow - £1500! I was lucky enough to go on a trip to Aegina with the school when I was 15, my first holiday not spent at my gran's house - and there haven't been many not spent there since! But I know if it had cost anything like that I'd have had no chance of going.

I'm guessing it must be a very affluent area because the cost of those trips is going to preclude an awful lot of kids from going. Even getting contributions from grandparents I could never stretch to that. For a few hundred pounds less, we'd find a way. But to me MOST of the kids that are going to be able to go on these trips are ones who probably aren't unaccustomed to foreign holidays.

I know, it's the way of the world....anyway, yes I'd be livid with MIL for the way she's gone about things, I definitely wouldn't take all DS's money off him, (he sounds a good lad to me ), and I hope he has an amazing time!!:)

The cost of things precludes lots of people from doing lots of things. Why should this be any different?

jackie_w

DylanO wrote: »

I don't think your MIL was right to do what she did how she did it, but I think she was right to do it.

Can I ask OP - though I know the answer already - when you go on holiday, do you give up every other treat in order to pay for it? Do you not spend on anything else while you are saving for it? Because that's effectively what you're demanding your son do.

Your original deal, according to your OP, was that any pocket money and any birthday/Christmas money would be put towards the trip and then you changed the deal by demanding that the money he earned separate to this also went towards the trip. No wonder he feels hard done by.

Quite aside from the fact that my personal beliefs are that parents should fund school trips full stop - you really need to give clearer signals otherwise others will get involved to stick up for your child. You're not the only one who cares about him, and you should be grateful that your MIL had the guts to tell you that you are in the wrong before you damaged the relationship with your child.

Why do you pay him for doing chores? Why is he allowed not to contribute to the household jobs?

Actually I do give up a lot so we can go on holiday, I didnt go away on a weekend with my friends because I couldn't afford it as we are all going on holiday in a few weeks!!!! I don't buy myself anything unless I absolutely need it so I can make sure the kids get what the want/need. And when. Do buy something for myself I go to charity shops or cheap clothes shops. My oldest would be mortified if I let him wear anything from those types of shops, so I go without so he doesn't have to.

I understand where your coming from with regards to him feeling hard done by but it's another "bill" and one I feel he should be paying as much into as he possibly can. This isn't an educational trip it's a fun trip. It wasn't compulsory.

I pay him for doing chores because that's what my mum used to do. if I wanted something I had to work to get money to pay for it. So I've just followed on from there.

MIL didn't say anything to me about it my son was the one who told me what she said.

fedupnow

Dunroamin wrote: »

You try taking students abroad - it really isn't a load of laughs!

I did say, 'Almost'.

Truth is I wouldn't be a teacher for any number of trips or any amount of money.

Still, hope they all have a fab time.

Cat501

DylanO wrote: »

The cost of things precludes lots of people from doing lots of things. Why should this be any different?

I know - that's why I said it was the way of the world, but it is a school and they are youngsters so it would just be nice if the school gave more of them an opportunity to travel because all those trips SOUND as if they would be prohibitively expensive, I could be wrong though, usually am!

Apart from a weekend in Paris 20 years ago, Aegina was the only time I've been abroad and I'm really grateful for it, it was gorgeous. I often wonder what it's like now because it was nice and peaceful then

jackie_w

Can I just say we aren't made of money. we don't have any debt but we don't have any savings either.
for us to afford this trip, my husband and I are going to have to work overtime to put money towards this.

We as a family are going on holiday in a few weeks and we have saved 2 years for this holiday. There will be no holiday for the family next year because we can't afford it, but when this school trip came up we thought it was a trip of a lifetime for my son and that is why we agreed to let him go, and Will need to put in extra time at work for this. if there was no overtime, I would be selling items on eBay etc.

it's not as if we are saying to him you are not getting any gifts for your birthdayor Christmas because we are paying for this trip. As I said his birthday is in a few weeks and he asked for a watch, and pair of football boots and 2 playstation games which we have got him.

If I were to say to him to save the money he earns from working in the shop as spending money and we were to pay for the actual holiday, the would be a fight too.