Baby Showers?

Nicki

*max* wrote: »

I can't understand the appeal of a "girly" anything. A "girly night out"...urgh...Brings to mind a bunch of barbie wannabes complete with orange fake tan and garish, much too short dresses and unappealing "in your face even though I have the IQ of a goldfish" personalities. I have never understood the "girly" thing; if anything, it fills me with dread. Sorry, I'm totally digressing!

As for baby showers...I'd be tempted to send a card saying "Well done on your incredibly unique ability to produce an offspring! Woohoo!" But then i'm super nice like that.

I am assuming that this isn't a problem which arises much for you anyway, as you don't get invited a lot, or certainly not more than once by the same circle of acquaintances!

A card like the one you suggest isn't just failing to be "super nice" but is actually deliberately cruel and unpleasant, and even fantasising about sending one says a lot about you. I'm not the biggest fan of baby showers myself and certainly didn't even consider having one for any of my children, but I am still able to take pleasure in other people's excitement about the arrival of a new baby, particularly a first new baby, and it would never cross my mind to rub the shine off that for them just because others have done the same before them.

Do you also send (or refuse to send) wedding presents with a card saying "woohoo, congratulations on your unique ability to find a mate" or birthday cards sarcastically congratulating people on their unique ability to become a year older if your unfortunate friends decide to have a wedding reception or birthday party and invite you to attend? :cool:

pawsies

We recently bought nappies for my OH's sister when she had her baby.

Doesn't matter if someone else buys the same then as you can never have too many
Not exciting but necessary!

GracieP

*max* wrote: »

I can't understand the appeal of a "girly" anything. A "girly night out"...urgh...Brings to mind a bunch of barbie wannabes complete with orange fake tan and garish, much too short dresses and unappealing "in your face even though I have the IQ of a goldfish" personalities. I have never understood the "girly" thing; if anything, it fills me with dread.

Wow you have a misogynistic and derogatory opinion of the female of our species! Did you learn about women in a bad magazine or have you ever actually met any? Because if it's the latter you'd know that your odd imaginings are just that. Being able to bond with your loved ones during a special time in their life is what makes life worth living and has as much to do with Barbie and fake tan as the middle-eastern peace process does.

Western society has lost a lot of it's community events and even extended families are often isolated from each other. Couples benefit enormously from having a large support network around them in pregnancy and early child-rearing, as do the children themselves. Anything that re-establishes those bonds is a good thing, as long as it's genuinely about being supportive of your loved one and not a consumerist exercise.

(Oh and I have an IQ of 170, btw.)

dizziblonde wrote:

Why oh why oh why oh why oh why do people persist in doing this?! It's like you develop magnetic powers when you get a bump and people beeline toward you to tell you about their 967 hour labour requiring an episitomy carried out using a chainsaw and a ventouse delivery using a dyson on hypersuck mode and then a tear so bad you could park a double decker bus in there! (OK so I may have exaggerated a tad there but you get the idea)

To encourage the younger family members in attendance to never skimp on birth control.;)

Really I suspect it is a subconscious effort to prepare the pregnant woman for the fact there may be complications but if there are things will probably be ok and to focus on the endgame instead of panicking. You'll notice how people rarely tell stories that end tragically. It's always stories that may sound horrific but everyone knows full well have ended happily. If you only heard positive stories of empowering labours you'd end up feeling like a massive failure if yours went badly.

It's the same reason that people are now being encouraged to be upfront about PND. If women know it's relatively common and treatable, they won't feel like such awful mothers who are broken inside and will be quicker to seek help. It's good to mentally prepare for things being harder than you hope they will be. It's less of a shock if things don't go well and no harm if they do.

j.e.j.

Oh, I don't know. Some people do seem to delight in the thought of scaring others, be it horror birth stories, or just general doom and gloom about health-related stuff.

I think *max* is a girl, btw;)

fluffnutter

Person_one wrote: »

Haha, thanks folks, I expected to get shouted at by women who've had lovely tasteful baby showers that all the guests had a whale of a time at!

As well as the taste crimes committed by having a party where the whole purpose is to force your friends to buy you stuff, and where you make them sit round to watch you open your presents, I don't like the way in which they take for granted that the pregnancy will end well with a healthy living baby at the end of it. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen, so I really think babies should only be celebrated once they've arrived safely, as we've happily been doing in this country for donkey's years.

I'd like to add another reason for why I think baby showers are an aberration.

When did we become so ego-maniacal that our lifestyle choices MUST be celebrated by others? Not only are baby showers becoming increasingly common but there's a new party on the block - the 'reveal the sex of your baby by inviting everyone round and cutting into a cake with either blue or pink sponge'.

TBH, who gives a monkeys? It's the most exciting thing in the parents' lives, of course it is, but why force that on others?

I've actually been quite surprised by the level of interest in the birth of my imminent baby. But there's no way I'd bore my friends senseless by banging on about it all the time or expecting them to come round and look at scan pictures, debate the gender and shower me with presents. It's just vulgar and self-obsessed.

penguingirl

One of my friends has a baby shower a couple of years ago, and it was no where near as horrific as you have all made out! It was more like the sort of thing you do when a colleague is about to go off work to have a baby- there was cake, a bit of a gossip and a few silly games (I liked guess the size of the bump with a piece of string). The mum-to-be made it very clear that she didn't want presents, but just wanted an excuse to have a day out in the garden (it was sunny) with some of her friends before she had a baby to worry about. Some of the guests bought some home baked bits around and we gave the mum some little bits (smellies and a bottle of bubbly for post-pregnancy). I don't remember anyone giving her big presents, not even close family members who did buy her things like the car seat (I guess they must have done it more discreetly at another time).

I think it probably depends on the mum-to-be - some girls have a close group of girl friends who they often have catch ups with, and I think a baby shower is just another excuse to do the cake-eating and gossiping that they usually do.

mummybearx

My sisters friend was threw (thrown....) a baby shower a few weeks ago during the good weather we had.

8 month pregnant woman outside all day having a bbq in the scorching sun with 15 female friends and family all !!!!ed as farts telling her how awful giving birth is, tearing, scarring, sagging etc etc etc

No, not my idea of fun tbh. I wouldn't want one if I was pregnant, nor would I go to one. Agree with the other posters, chicken counting and all that x

Person_one

fluffnutter wrote: »

I'd like to add another reason for why I think baby showers are an aberration.

When did we become so ego-maniacal that our lifestyle choices MUST be celebrated by others? Not only are baby showers becoming increasingly common but there's a new party on the block - the 'reveal the sex of your baby by inviting everyone round and cutting into a cake with either blue or pink sponge'.

I saw one of those parties on Cake Boss, I had no idea they had migrated over here. Ugh.

I'm actually more than happy to celebrate key events in my friend's lives, I happily buy baby presents after the baby's born, and go round and make all the appropriate noises at it! If its a close friend I even add the baby to my Christmas present list.

What bothers me is that it seems as though 'the ceremonial buying of stuff' is becoming the only way to celebrate. People are starting to feel as though they are owed baby presents, and engagement presents and cash in an envelope at the wedding and so on, rather than them being a lovely bonus.

Janepig

One of my work colleagues had a baby shower before having her first child about 2 years ago, organised by the girls at her church and we (three of her colleagues) were invited. It's something they do regularly in her churchy social circle. I made up a little basket/hamper thing which the three of us chipped a couple of quid each with nappies, wipes, toiletries, etc... Most of the other gifts I saw were of a practical nature such as nappies, wipes, etc....

We were made most welcome to be fair - we were a bit worried as they are quite "happy clappy" and we are quite far removed from that, but we need not have worried. We played games such as "guess the contents of the nappy" where various nappies were passed around with nutella, marmite, marmalade, etc... were smeared inside and you had to guess what they were :eek:! Also you were given a letter of the alphabet each and had to come up with a suitable list of names beginning with that letter - the more outlandish the better! I'm sure there was other "entertainment" too. And best of all, a chinese meal was provided by way of nourishment. It was good fun.

Jx

robyn297

I'm from South Africa and they very big on the whole baby shower thing but it's always made me uncomfortable, too be frank, it's quite boring watching someone open mountains of presents and having to make ooohhh and aaaaahhhhh noises and remark how tiny everything is. The games are generally cringeworthy! I'm very happy to be 34 weeks pregnant and far far away from all that. Or so I thought! My well meaning family and friends have taken it upon themselves to throw a baby shower for me in my absence, they've called it a granny shower(my mum standing in for me playing all the silly games) I am quite horrified by it all and worried that some family/friends might think I'm present grabbing. I was told about there plans to hold the shower and asked to make a list of everything we need, I declined and said we've got everything we need already. To my disgust I was emailed a copy of the invitation and it says "only toys will be accepted, no other gifts accepted" I am so embarrassed by it all.