Hoarding...not just on TV

meow5678

Best wishes for your kitty xx

wannabe_sybil

I hope you don't mind me saying, but I think you are exactly right to never go back. If you wouldn't take it from a stranger then you shouldn't take it from family. She assaulted you, then thought it funny. Regardless of any before or after, she has forfeited any right to your help.

There is help out there for her, if she wants it. Let her find it. I honestly believe that you have gone above and beyond anything that could have been asked from you.

Keeping everything crossed for your cat.

Hobsons_Choice

Glad the cat looks as though she has a fighting chance JoJo.
As for your mum, she's a lost cause I'm afraid.....just you take it easy, maybe your sister can take it on and report back if you worry.

Cheapskate

jojo, I almost cried when I read your last post; please don't go back again, at least not alone! Even if she's your mum, that's more or less assault; next time may be worse. :eek: Everyone here's on your side, and it sounds like you need so many prayers and good vibes your way, with everything that's going on. :kisses3:

Will pop back later, need to help DH wash up as he wants to watch footie. :rotfl:

A xo

meritaten

I agree with the others Jojo - Do NOT go back. This woman could have killed you. yes, she is mentally ill - but, you would be just as dead even if she DID get help!
hun - your cat needs you right now - and you need to concentrate on those you CAN help.
Your 'mother' is beyond your help - stay away hun.
I was afraid of something like this from what you have said in previous posts - Jojo, you cannot change her hun, or even help her - she is what she is, and for your own health and sanity stay well away!

gtx

((Jojo))

My mother has a side no one outside the front door sees either - I made a stand at fifteen, when I was taller and stronger than her. Like you I chose not to be violent, i pinned her arms against her sides and held her against a wall until she had calmed down and just kept repeating ' You are NOT going to hit me ever again' - fortunately she hasn't but 24 yrs later and we still don't get on, don't get me wrong she comes to my house and sees the kids(she does my ironing:o) but leaves before I get in from work.

strange how you think you're the only one but in reality there are a lot going through the same sort of things.

take care of yourself Jojo

gtx

meg72

JoJo, love, you said Im out but you went back, only to get more of the same, stay away love, your Mum is dangerous to you, not easy or nice I know. Went to see my Mum today, frail and ill in hospital and I went with 3 family members but she still managed to scream in my face and devastate me. Good luck love.

Dustykitten

JoJo stay strong sweetie. Glad your cat has some hope of pulling through.

For your own safety please do not go back alone at all. I don't want to read about you in some local paper, you're worth so much more than that.

Chin up, you will get through this xx

Dustykitten

Meg72 hugs for you too sweetie

dktreesea

Hoarding. I think of it as The Tyranny of The Things. In our house we have many of the situations mentioned so far on this thread. All I can suggest for dealing with it, is not to focus on "how much needs to be done" which is completely demotivating, but instead restrict yourself to ten or fifteen minutes a day and no more. I deal with The Things for ten minutes a day. I make up a box, or half a box, to go to the car boot. Or sort out some books for the charity shop. But I don't do any more than that. We're not really at the stage of out of date food and old newspapers. It's all saleable stuff. There's just a lot of it. We as a family could probably fit what we actually use, altogether, into our smallest room.

If, in a week, I only manage to prepare 5 lots for the auction, then that's all I take. Hoards take a long time to accumulate and cover a variety of issues, some of which may no longer be issues, so please don't beat yourself up about your hoard.

I know people trying to help other people out with their hoards mean well, but in my experience they want to "get on with it" when it comes to clearing up and clearing out. Sorry, but that is not how a hoard gets built. I know this is hard for people who don't hoard, but if you want to help, start with asking the hoarder what specifically it is they would like you to help them do that day. Then do it together. And maybe also say to them to pace themselves, that 10 to 20 minutes is plenty, and if that's all you both manage, it's still progress.

People who have built up hoards don't like being pushed around. There's a reason the hoard is there. They want to be in control of their own lives, free of the judgement of other people.

I know this is an extreme example, but if I was in a house where the only spare things are one chair to sit on, a small table and the kettle for a cup of tea, I would conclude that this was all the person wanted from life. Easing them out into the world isn't going to be that easy. So pace yourselves as well as the person you are trying to help.

OP, with all that has happened, I too don't think it wise for you to go back. It sounds to me like your Mum thought you were taking over, isn't really partial to you anyway, and didn't appreciate the intrusion. If my children ever comment on my hoard, I tell them to mind their own business.

My own Mum was like that with my grandmother, going in and trying to take over, trying to "get her to deal with her hoard" for this, that and the other reason. My Nan could stand up for herself, but I used to say to my mum to leave them alone, if they chose to live the way they did, that was their business and for sure none of hers. Plus my Nan didn't ask for my Mum's help. And wouldn't have because she wasn't, and never had been, that close to my Mum. My Mum used to get really frustrated about it, going on about how unhealthy it was, etc, etc, - I'm sure my Nan didn't accommodate her just to stand up to her.

And lo and behold, what goes around comes around. My Mum now has a far bigger hoard than my Nan. She said to me one day "Oh, I suppose you've come around to tell me I need to start clearing the house up?" I told her to not be ridiculous, I wouldn't presume to tell her how to live her life. If she chose to use the dining table to store things rather than to eat off, then that was her perogative.