Hoarding...not just on TV

hermum

Oh Jojo. you have tried your very best.
Some people aren't able to accept help.
Refer her via her GP to outside agencies.
Concentrate on you & your children & cats.
Is your daughter aware of how your Mother lives? Maybe if yu could get across to her how dreadful is to live like that she will understand & appreciate you more.
Chances are once she's been with her Dad for a while he'll start telling her to do the stuff you're currently asking her to do. She'll then realise that life has rules, some are worth kicking against others are best to grit your teeth & get on with it.
Hope things start looking brighter for you soon.

short_bird

Can't add a huge amount to what everyone else has said but am sending a dodgy hug. Sometimes, you have to walk away and leave people to reap what they've sown.

thriftwizard

Jojo, i can't add anything to the wise words already posted, but I would like you to know that your posts have made a difference here, in this house. I looked at bits of it after reading this thread this morning, and thought, let's face it, this isn't a temporary mess, it's hoarding & it's horrible - I've had enough of it and I've been subjecting my poor kids to it for long enough. It's not going to be easy to sort it out & part with most of it, partly because I make my living from some of it, but it's got completely out of hand for many reasons & it's got to stop.

This isn't the first time I've tried, it's a battle I keep having to fight, sometimes winning & sometimes losing, but this is the first time I've seen it through the eyes of a hoarder's child, and I truly, truly don't want to end up like your Mum...

babyshoes

Jojo, you haven't been back yet - I assume you just have too much practical stuff to deal with at the moment.

Sending virtual ((((hugs)))) because it sounds like you need them!

Please do take care of your own emotional and physical health - you have a lot of emotional demands on you at the moment. They always seem to pile up at once, don't they? Unloading on the forums is a good way to get it off your chest, you can also phone a support line like Samaritans for someone who will listen to how you feel in a non-judgemental and confidential way - even if what you are feeling is anger and you need to shout and rant about it, or guilt or sorrow and you need to cry and scream. Their local branch numbers are listed on their website, which is the cheapest way to call them - and if you are really broke they will ring you back if you ask.

There are other support groups out there too, I just mentioned Samaritans as I used to work for them so I know that they could be useful for you right now.

wannabe_sybil

Just sending hugs - you have gone above and beyond, you deserve a medal for all that you have done. Concentrate on your cats. Sending good vibes.

mrcow

Jojo - I too think your sister is right. This isn't something that you need to cope with. It must be so hard, but you're doing the right thing.

Byatt

Jo-jo, I've been hesitant to post this, and don't expect a response and others may well think it's not the answer, but have you thought of reporting her to the police about the assualt? I wondered if it would be a gateway to her getting the help she needs...as well as knowing that violence is not acceptable.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Evening, everyone.

I went there this morning and my sister and her husband had arrived before me. They managed to get her to agree to let them do some clearing. Much more, actually. As soon as my mother caught my glance when neither were looking, she silently hissed through her teeth 'did YOU tell them?'. The rage and energy was obvious, then as soon as one of them turned towards her, she became the little frail lost soul again.

There was no way I was staying there after they left, mainly because of the look in her face and the hundred or so large carving knives that would be in her reach and between me and the front door, so I scrubbed and scrubbed as much as I could. It's possible to prepare food comparatively safely now. I wouldn't, but she might.

And then I left at midday.





The cat is on a drip at the vets and is effectively in Cat ITU. Which is positive, as they felt he has a chance, rather than sending him on his way.

I have been sporting a rather fetching shade of yellow bruising across one side of my face.

But the long, almost nuclear powered shower I had at home, the boil wash of my clothes, four slices of toast and two cups of tea my boyfriend made me - and the four hour sleep I've just woken up from on the sofa have made me feel more human again.


I'm not going back.

ETA. She specialises in the I'm so little and frail. She fools everyone, even my boyfriend fell for it until he saw her switch the tears off when he mentioned my name, and even then he says he wouldn't have imagined she could be like that until I came home with a bruised face. A big burly copper would have no chance against the defenceless little old lady picked on by the evil bullying daughter making stuff up. She's had 50 years of covering up her tracks when she attacks someone. Hence the smacking me in the head, as it doesn't usually leave a mark. She was out of practice, which is why I have bruising.


Nobody is going to prosecute a mentally ill 75 year old. And no jury is going to find her guilty.

She can fester in there for the next five years or so if they don't evict her. And if they do, well, it's not as if somebody hasn't tried to help her.

hermum

Jojo I hope you stay strong enough to stay away. I would call social services or her GP, so that you have done all you can & leave her to her own devices.
Concentrate on you & your family. Hope the cat's ok.

hex2

JoJo, didn't want to read and run. Huge hugs for you.

She is manipulating you and the people round you again, as is your DD's father. The loss of control would cripple me more than anything.

Which cat? Everything crossed for a recovery.