Hoarding...not just on TV

bobble_hat

hobbitfancier wrote: »

I'm actually reading a blog on it now and I'm filled with emotion as so much of this is true but I'd never considered how different we were or that this was a problem until I started watching those hoarder programmes

"Children sometimes get blamed for the mess or told that the state of the house is their fault."

"Because this disorder is often fueled by anxiety, a Hoarder can express an extreme range of (usually negative) emotions when anyone tries to clean up, when things are touched or moved."

"In addition, unhealthy perfectionism is a large part of the hoarding disorder, and those standards are often hard to live up to."

I'm reading this in shock, the hoarders on those programmes are extreme, but reading this list I could have written it myself about my mum. Years of being told our house was like no other, how we were filthy and lazy and the mess was all our fault. How she could never have anyone visit because of our mess. How when she misplaced something we would have to endure hours of looking for it and her screaming at us and when she discretely found it wherever she had left it she wouldn't apologise or say she had found it.

Finding it difficult not to cry.

Really really helpful post! This is my Mum to a tee (I avoid contact these days). Years after I had left home I bumped into Mum's friend in town, who made a massive point of apologising to me and my siblings (in their absence) because she had realised now we no longer lived there that the mess was all Mum's doing but that we had been continually blamed for it, so she had us all pegged as lazy, good for nothings. She was mortified. I assured her not to worry as we were used to it. :rotfl:

I'm a potential hoarder but being like my Mum scares me so much, I am working as hard as I can to eliminate this from my life and from my daughter's life.

idristhedragon

whitewing wrote: »

I seem to remember that the pet doesn't actually have to be alive. Cowskin rugs and zebra wallhangings are permitted under the act, provided their use is terminated when the householder is fed up with them.

yellowdots, get rid if the camera.

Ha ha ha I am just catching up (Hi all!!!) and I have in front of me:

A greyhound, Asleep, On a MASSIVE cow hide, in front of a wood burner.
Oh how I laughed!!!!:D

idristhedragon

Right Hi all! Just had a quick catch up and hope evryone is ok.
I have been alright- just coping with my newly diagnosed gluten intolerance, my husband being away (back now) and the Christmas shopping (nearly done)
I have about 70 items to put on ebay and I am going to try and do that this evening. Im quite financially motivated by that but also I am having my bay window replaced in my bedroom next week and need to clear the bedroom *gulp* for this to happen so I need the space (head and physical) the ebay stuff is occupying for the bedroom stuff.
Ignoring the fact I bought a third suit jacket/blazer thing yesterday *aspirational clothing* when I am trying to de richard clothes. I am now going to spend half an hour wrapping some Christmas presents (got family xmas this sunday - dont ask) so it IS a priority!!!

blossomhill_2

idris, good luck listing, it takes forever doesn't it!
I've just got back onto eBy after a break, so they limited me to 10 items this month so my perfectionism nearly foiled me as I couldn't decide the "best" 10 to list
Luckily got past that and have 8 done so far - 22 watchers on one of them :eek:
Decided it was best to list things that could be Christmas gifts rather than those with perennial value - working so far

yellowdots

Thnks for such a lovely welcome and I would like to welcome the other newcomers too, if you were anything like me it would have taken a lot of courage to post.:)

I haven't caught up on the thread yet, will have to do that later but just wanted to post what was on my mind while I was re-arranging the living room.

I have this week off work so its lovely to be able to potter and get a lot done without clock watching.

Anyway, to my point it occurred to me when I was shifting stuff and books and more stuff and stuff which lives in living room, that I was shifting the SAME stuff I shifted 2 years ago when I decorated it!! And I know for sure I have not listened to any of the CD's and I have not opened one of the many, many lovely books either. 2 years!!

Tonight I AM going to cull the CD's and only keep a few real favourites.

I will also minimise the books, I have probably around 20 similar gardening books for starters. I know it will be very hard, as a lot of those books bring back happier memories but thanks to this thread I now know thats not a reason to bog myself down with them. Someone on here mentioned about liking to see a space, well I agree, I want to see more space.

The other thing I wanted to mention was I am probably feeling a lot more contented than I have done in the past 15 years so maybre that is also why I can now tackle a lot of this stuff.

Yikes am rambling! One more thing lol! Yesterday I took 8 carrier bags of stuff to the charity shop which included some pictures in frames people had given me as gifts over the years, which I had tormented over getting rid of, as one of the people had since deceased. I can tell you for sure I do not feel bad and I feel so much better for unburdening myself.

I really do hope with me mentioning that it will help someone else be able to unburden themselves from an emotional item.

Sorry for the long post, once I start I can't stop lol :rotfl:

Jettycat

I need some help - please?

I have been clearing out MILs stuff and have found an unopened packet of tena-lady. I've tried listing on eBay and absolutely no interest (due to postage costs I assume as they are heavy). I don't mind giving them away, I just can't bear to throw them away but where? I can't really ask friends and family if they want them Would they be any good to a CS? Hosiptal? ...

Byatt

Jetty, maybe freecycle? Or ask at the CS, as they are unopened they should be happy to receieve.

Hi, YD, it really does help having posts about persnal struggles and eventual letting go of items.

Idris, I see you sneaked in about your jacket amongst all the other stuff...I emotionally shop, have this afternoon and last night been vurtual (that's not spelled correctly but for some reason, seems apt as like a vulture) shopping and in my "vurtual" world have spent a couple of hundred pounds, fortunately I have not clicked on pay now, just toyed with the idea as the job I thought I had has been cancelled, so won't have the money anyway. I hope you don't think I'm picking on you, I totally understand the shopping need, but I think it may be good to explore why you do it.

blossomhill_2

Jettycat - your post reminded me that Crisis need a wishlist of things at this time of year - not Tena as it happens but if anyone is within the M25, here is the wishlist LINK

Byatt

That's a good reminder BH, I'm not nearby but intend to put a few things together for local food bank.

alice-mary

lostinrates wrote: »

Ladies (are we all birds?). I had a very successful incident this morning. I went to put on my sunglasses (pfft has anyone sent he weather in the Sw today?) and they were loose. I removed them, looked at the fittings on the side and saw they were irreparable, so......I threw them a way.

No 'maybe dh will fix them'. (they weren't fixable) no picking out sparkly bits for craft projects or trying to put them on a branch of a tree....I threw them out.

Fantastic! :T:T:T:T:T I hope that I get to that stage soon!:o

Alice
xx