Hoarding...not just on TV

katep23

Ah Jojo (((hugs))) I'm not good with these things but what a carpy time for you right now. Hope things work out for the best, whatever that may be x

JKJ

Can I join you please? I live in a tidy home, but that is just what people can see. Every cupboard, drawer, little tiny space is rammed with "stuff".

My wardrobe drives me mad. I hate most of what I own, I feel ugly wearing it and a lot of it is old, shabby or ill fitting. I can't afford to replace it, but want to scream when I look at the crush of ugly garments on the rails, in drawers and in cupboards. Thing is even if I did have money to buy something new I don't think I could make myself throw away the stuff I already have.

I love books and have been collecting them forever. This is not a problem. I love crafts, and always have lots of plans to make things, and sometimes I do, but often I buy fabric, wool, card, buttons etc etc etc along with more books of things to make, then I think a lot about making, but don't do it. This IS a problem. I want to create, so why don't I? Stupid question really, if I don't know why, how can you?

Recently though I have noticed that I am finding it hard to throw anything at all away, I want to keep anything and everything "just in case". This does not go well with my need for tidy surroundings and I can't understand why I am feeling this way.

I have a cancer diagnosis, and have had various family troubles to cope with, some recent, others have been a trial for a long time. I do feel low and sad often too. But why would that make it hard for me to throw away 3 litre plastic milk bottles? Sounds so silly, but I now have 20 of them that I tell myself will be useful if the water supply is interrupted, or will be great to make things out of. I am also gathering a large supply of empty clover tubs even though I have a cupboard full of lock and lock containers, and I have no plans for those at all other than thinking it is a waste to throw them away.

This seems really trivial compared to some of the things I have read (haven't managed all the thread yet but golly some of you are amazing people, particularly Jojo) thanks for reading

babyshoes

Jojo *hugs*. Sounds like you are going through one of those awful 'everything happening all at once' times. Hope it sorts itself out soon!

JKJ - I wonder if offering things like the tubs on Freegle / Freecycle would help you to feel ok about getting rid of them, as you know they are going to someone who actually wants them and presumably has an actual use for them...
Failing that, I generally feel ok about recycling things that are recyclable as you know they are going to stop new resources being used.

lostinrates

Today......is a dericharding day. Wish me luck.

It's going, and I expect a tip run to be needed later or in the morning.

alec_eiffel

Hi all,

Jojo, hope things are a bit more positive this morning.

LiR, have fun at the tip, hope you make some good headway getting stuff out. You sound pretty determined!

Welcome aboard JKJ. Hopefully as you wade through the posts here you might get some insight about the reasons behind your stashing. Do you have any friends who could help you with your things - maybe a clothes swapping session for the ill fitting but not shabby clothes. Or a craft day where you use up some of your stash to make Christmassy things that you can pass on to other people..?

Creative people will always have more ideas than time. Few of us can resist buying the colourful, pretty, cute and shiny things whenever we hit the craft shop so you're far from alone in that regard! I think it's the paradox of choice, there's so much you could do that your mind doesn't rest on the one thing you're going to do. As soon as there's an idea then a slightly better idea comes along then looking online for a tutorial throws up something even more exciting and on it goes. There's no perfect time to start so if you want to do something then make a start and make something nice - and use it so you don't have those feelings of guilt about wasting time when you could be doing something else.

In terms of the potentially useful things, yes empty milk bottles could be useful but it doesn't mean they are useful. On a practical level I resolved this issue by switching to milk in a tetrapak carton so it had to go in the bin and buying butter so there's just a foil wrapper to dispose of later. Gets rid of all guilt and what-ifs.

sandrahiggins

Hi all, I stumbled across this post totally by mistake, but I was instantly drawn to it as my own mother has this problem and I've spent years trying to sort it or at least address it with her - sometimes she is receptive, other times she goes nuts and it causes arguments. It's not that she is a crazy cat-woman who collects 27 of this, or 93 or those, it's just that stuff seems to collect in her house, but never go out again. So she's got decades worth of kids stuff, kitchen stuff, books, clothes, cds, dvds, furniture, papers, and just general 'junk'. It's been so bad for years that I avoid taking OH there (or anyone actually) for fear of people judging her. Other people think Im wierd for this but they dont understand. I really wish she would see that life will be so much easier if she just had an empty house. I think she has that mentality that because she isn't at all well off, if she throws it all away, she'll have nothing ever again. I try and explain that actually, the reverse will happen - people will want to visit, she won't be tripping over anything in literally every square foot of the house, it wont cause stress etc etc......I get really upset whenever I think about it as I really want to help but I don't know how!!

(

It's been a massive great black hole of a problem in my life for years and I dont know how to sort it! I want to be able to pop in with OH or friends for a coffee and let them see the wonderful person my mum is, without cringing to the point of a nervous breakdown about the state of her house! That sounds awful, but it's the way I've felt for years! :'''-(

Jettycat

sandrahiggins wrote: »

It's been a massive great black hole of a problem in my life for years and I dont know how to sort it! I want to be able to pop in with OH or friends for a coffee and let them see the wonderful person my mum is, without cringing to the point of a nervous breakdown about the state of her house! That sounds awful, but it's the way I've felt for years! :'''-(

I feel like this about my Mum. Unfortunately (or fortunately, maybe) she lives a long way from us so we can't just pop round, but I haven't been in the house for several years now. I (and my siblings) used to think about how we could 'sort her out' all the time but I eventually realised that we can't, she has to think there is a problem. Recently, I discovered that I could just let it go, it's still sad and I still wish I could help but it's her problem, not mine. I can't fix her. I have a hoarding tendency myself and I have found this thread really helpful for both me and for how I discuss things with her. I think it might help her eventually if I drip feed bits of wisdom from here but I no longer think I have to fix her. It was a bit of an epiphany for me to realise that I could just focus on her good bits and (almost) discard the others.

Sorry for the ramble, but I hope it helps. x

sandrahiggins

Thanks JettyCat,

I know what you mean.

The thing is, I think my mum almost realises that this isnt normal and that she needs help, it's just trying to get her motivated and keep motivated without totally getting her back up.

I've even offered to pay for a skip and to take time off work to help clear the house. Its just so depressing to think of her just (almost literally) rotting away in a house full of junk that is keeping people away from her. I think she'd be happier with more contact with other people but the junk is getting in the way and keeping her unhappy. I kind of understand what she means when she says that if she throws something away then needs it again in the future she won't be able to afford it but probably 90% of the stuff she doesnt even know she has! It's hard. (

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

JKJ wrote: »

My wardrobe drives me mad. I hate most of what I own, I feel ugly wearing it and a lot of it is old, shabby or ill fitting. I can't afford to replace it, but want to scream when I look at the crush of ugly garments on the rails, in drawers and in cupboards. Thing is even if I did have money to buy something new I don't think I could make myself throw away the stuff I already have.

...

often I buy fabric, wool, card, buttons etc etc etc along with more books of things to make, then I think a lot about making, but don't do it. This IS a problem. I want to create, so why don't I? Stupid question really, if I don't know why, how can you?


...
But why would that make it hard for me to throw away 3 litre plastic milk bottles? Sounds so silly, but I now have 20 of them that I tell myself will be useful if the water supply is interrupted, or will be great to make things out of. I am also gathering a large supply of empty clover tubs even though I have a cupboard full of lock and lock containers, and I have no plans for those at all other than thinking it is a waste to throw them away.
....

Welcome!

OK, let's look at some of the things you have mentioned. It's going to be plain speaking, but, remember, it's not designed to upset you at all.



1. Clothes.

Would it be easier to find things that you at least liked or didn't mind wearing if the stuff that is just plain damn ugly, too big/small or stained/damaged wasn't there?


After all, if you can't get it on, you're never going to wear it. And if it's ugly/damaged, you're going to chuck stuff around and drop things whilst searching for an alternative (which gives you more work to clear up). And you aren't going to repair anything, because you don't even do the craft stuff you like, never mind fixing and darning and mending things that you never really liked in the first place.





2. Craft stuff.

Maybe you'd be able to relax and do some craft if you knew you had somewhere to put the finished article? So, in a way, you're already making efforts to reduce The Stuff because you've got 'materials' and 'books', not 'things to display'?



3. Plastic milk containers and margarine tubs. Right. Let's focus on these, because they can easily become a hazard to your health.


Are they already filled up with [counts on fingers] 60 litres/13 gallons of tap water and changed every few days? If not, there's a good chance that you won't have any warning if the water goes off - so they will still be there holding 60 litres/13 gallons of air before, during and after the bloke from the water company delivers bottles of water to you that will be quite sufficient for you to manage with. And where would you put your safe water if the only place is crammed full of unusable containers?


Any water stored in them will deteriorate over a couple of days in terms of bacterial contamination, is likely to smell of stale milk and plastic even if you scrub them repeatedly (unlike the sterile bottles of water that will be delivered to you),

each one weighs 3kg, so using them would mean you doing the equivalent of weightlifting a baby each time and an adult (nearly ten stone) over the course of a day or so (hardly ideal when you're undergoing medical treatment, is it?)

and they are not designed to be refilled, so could quite easily split and soak you.


Moreover, if you're immunosuppressed, why on earth would you want to risk your health with nearly ten stone of tainted water stored in less than 100% perfect conditions?




There is nothing of use in them.

Things to make with plastic milk bottles include amusing elephants (best left to the four year olds in Nursery - and no herd of elephants is 60 strong - the smaller elephants made with 1l containers are cuter, anyway),

Scoops (that are too soft and flexible with the bigger sizes, so waste your energy and time in cutting out only to find they don't work - and to use 60 scoops that don't work properly, you'd need to own a Weigh 'n' Save shop - where they would be banned for being unhygienic)

Or plastic plant labels (to use 60 bottles' worth, you'd have to have a garden the size of RHS Kew)


Have you ever got a cut on your hand from trying to cut things up that simply aren't designed for it? Those containers are evil. Think of a papercut that's borderline for requiring stitches. And you'd still need to get rid of all the thousands of plastic bits that couldn't be used.



Wouldn't you rather be using the nice craft materials instead of manky milk containers? And using the nice flat containers that stay sealed rather than the margarine tubs, so if you drop a container, it stays sealed instead of cascading beads, baubles, pins or anything else onto the floor that could imbed in your foot and cause a serious infection?


In most areas, both milk containers and margarine tubs can be recycled. So they aren't being wasted if they go -

if they stay at your house, you are wasting them. And the space they are occupying. Whilst they pose a further risk to your health.



Do they still give you a feeling of security now?

RAS

JKJ wrote: »

But why would that make it hard for me to throw away 3 litre plastic milk bottles? Sounds so silly, but I now have 20 of them that I tell myself will be useful if the water supply is interrupted, or will be great to make things out of.

The best thing into which to turn plastic milk bottles is fleece clothing. If you want them to acheive their higher purpose, they need to go to the recycling bank ASAP.