Hoarding...not just on TV

Byatt

Another squeeeeeeee from me LIR, he's gorgeous, I want him!

Lovely news on Martin's new baby.

BH, well done on the shed clearing and finding the power screwdriver. I have one of those and found out I didn't need a man after all, when I put together my first flat pack! Cue hitting the air in a clenched fist style.:T:rotfl:;)

Idris, glad some order is taking shape!

idristhedragon

Okkkkkkkkkk so painter has glossed all the banisters. Everytime the dog runs down the stairs the gloss is decorated with a bit more ginger hair. So I currently have 4 children, no husband and every skirting, door, doorframe and banister wet with stinky gloss paint.
I am very glad I went glitch seeking earlier and am the proud owner of 18 bottles of merlot! My cooker is still broken too and its half term.

How I have not gone completely mad this week I dont know. However hallways/doors/doorframes (12 doors) all done now so just the living room to be painted monday/Tuesday (gulp) then he starts on the external (weather permitting) Im hoping by Wednesday I shall be able to put stuff back and feel a bit of order again. To be honest I am furious with husband for arranging it in half term and then going off on business but I also know he has done a 10 hour round trip and loads of work in the last two days and is currently stuck in hideous traffic on the M25 so doesnt need me whining when he gets home so I shall drink merlot and smile sweetly. I am however burgering off to the hairdressers at midday tomorrow with NO KIDS for a full head of highlights (that takes AGES) so I shall enjoy drinking coffee and reading cra*py magazines in peace while husband negotiates kids round wet paint and piles of STUFF
De Richarding has ground to a horrible halt due to the complete trauma of the painter but I am so inspired to have a lovely house now its been decorated (for all the PITA its looks LOVELY) and Im ITCHING to get dericharding asap so every cloud!

lostinrates

blossomhill wrote: »

Yes squeee indeed! What flavour? Poodle, lurcher, labradoodle? Name? Squeeee!

He is a little terrier,and his 'online name' is curly dog:D. I almost never say my pets' real names online, but I have said his elsewhere on mse, so I shall break my rule again here.....his name is Wonderful Hallelujah. And of course we shorten it. My vets live my names because they are always the ONlY pet registered with that name so instantly come to mind:D:o. When dog dog broke her leg the vet on duty sent an email saying that she was in again and the other vet there came in in her day off to see her and have a cuddle. I am positive if my pets were more standard names it would have been less likely to happen.

katep23

Hi all, hope you are well, hugs to anyone who needs them.

LIR, your puppy is sooo cute and I love the name. As a family we have always taken a long time to name a pet and each one has a special meaning

Well things are weird here and I don't really know where I stand or where I am going. Relationship with OH is in a state of "flux" I guess, all very amicable but surreal.

We're going away this weekend so not much de-richarding will be done for a while but I am keen to get on with it as I think it will be cathartic :A

Brighton_belle

Been a way for a few days - nice but exhausting so a quiet weekend planned.

May issues re decluttering for me here and now:

• backlog of 'decluttered' stuff hanginging around for too long that I need to get out of the house (2 bin bags of clothes and hoards of books+): it's hanging over me and paralysing me now I think.
• attic is now worse than ever:o...it takes special energy to tackle that and I just don't have it at the mo. Mainly DH's stuff but there is plenty of my own to get ruthless on before I should sigh with despair at his.
• DH hording tendancies beginning to overflow and overwhelm me again and there isn't really a lot I can do about it... just keep being kind and patient while calmly explaining how it affects me and keep trying to lead by example in how and why I clear and get rid of my own excess and the benefits to my welfare/ease of keeping the house clean with less stuff.

Byatt

Kate, I hope you can come out of the state of flux in your own good time. Sometimes not making a decision, is a decision in itself. Hope you have a lovely weekend. xx

BB, just take some time out if needed and do a tiny bit, say 10 minutes. Like we've often said, but I think it needs reminding for all of us, just 5-10 minutes is better than nothing, and often you tend to do more.

Idris, hope you enjoyed the hairdressing trip!

LIR, what a wonderful name. I'm no where near as original but names are given a lot of thought, well, errmmm except on one occasion when we named 2 kittens Tabby and Blackie...yep, you guessed it.

Picklepot

Dear All

Hugs to all that need them..

Would value thoughts and opinions and wise words please.

Could my house/clutter be making me ill?
I like many others here have some worries.Why is it when i am at home mine feel 100 times worse?. Its difficult to explain but when i go to work i can be positive , give myself an action plan of what i need to do ( get more hours, which will increase finances on home front, which will give me more choices , which will make me feel less stressed)
When home my brain feels like i am in that film 'groundhog day' same worries same endless cycle and the clutter is driving me to depair. I desperatly want to just put it in the car and take it to the CS. I think of finances and then think i should ebay, sell, etc which i have never done because i dont know how and i cant be bothered and i worry it will cost me more with fees and packaging/disputes and not understanding it all. The stuff just churns around the house and i feel uncomfortable in the house and in my own skin.I have never felt i deserved to live in a house like this and an area like this, the house after 7 years still doesn't feel mine. Im sorry if non of this makes sense.

When i go out , walk the dog, go for a drive, see a friend things feel possible, more optomistic and then i come home and the clutter and the mess and my inaction depress me so much. I am sorry to ramble on but one poster kindly suggested to post when you feel like this.

Its almost like i kept all this stuff because i believed if finances got tight i could sell things and now that has happened i cant and they were not the lifeline i thought.I really have only been digging around with the teaspoon for a long time for this reason and it has just dawned on me.

I have a lovely DH who tells me not to worry and be anxious that i should apply for jobs and tells me its all confidence and not to put myself down and not to worry about money he will just sell his classic bike his pride and joy.Then the guilt drops in because i know he is right .

If i wanted a skip my dH would have one here tomorrow , if i wanted help to clear he would be there in a shot. He has never understood my need to hoard but has always said for his sanity i must keep it to my side of the bedroom my side the garage etc he knows to clear things without me knowing stresses me so he has said when i feel ready he will help. We have been married 21 years the man has a patience of a saint !

Feel terrible about it all. Had a traumatic week and offered to take in a teen age 17 who's mother is having a difficult time and need her to be safe. Need to clear spare room and reconsider finances
Wisw words gratefully appreciated.

blossomhill_2

AW Picklepot :grouphug: of course now is the time to share

Yes it can be making you ill; it will probably be affecting your sleep which in turn will be affecting your ability to make decisions/relax etc, and causing you stress and worry which is a vicious circle


The "perceived value" is the trap we all fall into, also fuelled by the stream of antique programmes on TV - but if you look closely at them

• the dealer asks a price
• buyer knocks the price down
• buyer resells
• buyer gets price dealer was asking in the first place

If you look at eBay, it is curently a buyer's market - how many items actually have any bids on them? A very small %

So you need to put a value on your gains if you just gave the items away (probably in small batches until you can see the wood for the trees)


look for obscure costs that the items are costing you

• cost of buying duplicate items because you can't find the one you have
• bandages for broken toes from tripping over them
• cost of headache pills
• extra expenses outside the home, eg coffees in coffee bar with friend because you couldn't bring them to yours for coffee
• cost of ready meals because kitchen is too cluttered to prep a meal
• cost of driving somewhere at last minute because you were running late due to looking for boots, so couldn't walk there

Deduct cost of extra expense (ie the obscure costs) from perceived value (ie what you'd get on eBay if you were very lucky) and see if it makes sense to give some away, to start a habit

I gave away a lot of new clothes on freecycle when I started, just so I had space to move - they were exactly the ones that could have sold at a boot sale but also a "quick win" so worth the "loss" to have the "gain" (space). Have I missed them not one thing!

I'm glad you have such a supportive OH, lucky old you :T

PS That's also a lucky teen; why not casually share a little of your problem with her and you may get to see some things through her eyes/gain a different perspective

Patchwork_Quilt

Picklepot there's some good advice here and lots of people with the same problem. Don't despair. As Blossom said, don't worry about the value. That was my Mum's problem and she still has half the stuff that should have gone to the cs. Think about the eco-value if it helps - other people can get a great deal of pleasure if you give your stuff away and it stops them buying new. Take it one day at a time and try to declutter little and often. You'll soon start feeling better.

Brighton_belle

blossomhill wrote: »

AW Picklepot :grouphug:

^^^^this Picklepot, and the rest of Blossomhill's great post.
Yes your house is probably making you ill. Such great insight is a great step towards doing something about it

I rarely sell anything on ebay as I find the stress vs the relief of just getting things out of the house isn't worth it.

One of the CS bags of clothes I need to get out of the house is definitely loitering as I know there is a couple of 'decent' things in there I feel I 'ought' to sell even though I don't believe in 'oughts and shoulds'.
So they hang around, paralysing me...I have been through this so many times. The moment they are out the house I will feel better and after a few days at most I will never think about them again.

I have sent cart loads to the charity shop over the last 2 years and because I sign up to the tax payers thingy, they are obliged by law to write to me every so often as to how much they have made form my stuff. It totals under £100; removing the excess carp from my life is well worth 'losing' that small sum (and we are not well off) and is a great way of charity giving/helping others in our community.

Your health is precious and worth the (say)£500 max you might make from 'stuff'? If there are some biggies you just can't just 'give away' yet, leave them til later. Get rid of the small stuff first.