Hoarding...not just on TV

bobble_hat

Just wanted to pop my head above the parapet today to say '"Hi". I'm still working my way through this thread but keep taking a break to de-clutter, it's so motivating! I'm not a hoarder yet, but the tendency is there.

I cleared two rooms a month ago for guests staying and most of the stuff, now tidily in boxes has gone back into the guest room! I'm waiting for DH to help me board the loft. He is great at starting jobs but not finishing them, I have a great new loft ladder but no boarding to store stuff! He gets wobbly on ladders so I need to do the boarding with his help.

I also need to Ebay, but I'm going to set myself a goal and if these things don't get put on Ebay over the next month, then they're going to the CS, no more hanging about.

Anyway today I tackled the Tupperware cupboard and have filled one large bag for the recycle bin (outside being emptied today). I have defragged my computer hard drive and cleared lots of space on the C: Drive using the system tools.

Yesterday I cleared out my chest of drawers, mostly of old sports equipment and bras which do not fit and I treated myself to one new pair of jogging bottoms and 1 T-shirt in the right size so that I can start running tonight.

I'm doing a tip run tomorrow with a car full of stuff. Thank you all for your stories and motivation. The Garden is getting clear and I have managed to replant a bare patch with existing plants and my Anniversary present Olive tree. I do need to tackle the potting shed which is beginning to be a health and safety nightmare. We need this clear for the winter because this is also where we store coal and wood for the fire.

I bought 2 new family toilet seats weeks ago because ours are falling apart and in the upstairs loo, every time I sat on the toilet the seat fell off, anyway after waiting for DH to replace the seat I finally fell off enough times to be motivated to do it myself, and I did, with a certain amount of pride :T I'm now looking around at all the 'man' jobs I'm waiting for him to start/finish and thinking right, what can I do next :rotfl:

blossomhill_2

Hi everyone I already know and Hi those who I am about to get to know - thanks for sharing your stories (and Blah to all those destructive exes! )

I think there is such a strong theme emerging about being "someone who does" or being "someone who aspires/talks about doing" etc , that gives me something to think about and work on,

bobblehat your post is particularly inspiring, you will be exhausted!

I get a bit cross when I am given books about my craft by well-meaning people - I DO my craft, not read books! One way I get round the reading versus doing thing is for instance with gardening; in winter I buy Gardening News but in spring summer autumn, I am gardening so don't buy it. I resist a sub for that reason too

I don't often say how I have disposed of things, as my "risk" is that I will obsess about the method and not do the action - so out means out whether it is via freecycle, tip, landfill ro whatever

Remembered this quote - haven't worked out where my hoarding fits in it yet!

Sow a thought,
and reap an action.
Sow an action,
and reap a
habit.
Sow a habit,
and reap character.
Sow character,
and
reap destiny


William Thackeray (1811 - 1863)

sjprmc01

I can't really re-quote posts from the I pad. But it's definitely the aspirational stuff that is the hardest to chuck

I guess that is why I cannot get rid of a pair of boots I will never be able to walk in. I have imagined that when I'm slim (I'm the worlds worst dieter!) I will wear them with a certain outfit that ive imagined exists, I buy quite a bit if make up, but tbh my 7yr old is probably more skilled in using it than me! But of course, it's there, for when I'm all imaginarily glam and magically have the skill to make myself look good in it! Hmmmmm!

blossomhill_2

If you ever want a good idea for a present for someone - give them something that would suit the person they aspire to be - they will be so flattered, it will be their "best present" - and then they will hoard it unused!

Byatt

I can't stop crying. I'm here alone and have once again had my heart ripped from me again. My sister, who is now out of hospital, and who knows if this is part of her condition, has told my Dd and now me that she is not giving me her phone number, will not speak to me about it and has basically accused me of stealing from her. She says she has been told not to give it to me.

I thought we were mending fences, and when she was in hospital seemed happy to see me.

Now my Dd is involved and she is allowed to have the number and I can't bear it...my dd just doesn't get it, and I can't see how she can continue to see my sister when I am hated so much. The neighbours have obviously been told hateful things about me as well as probably adding to sister's paranoia over me.

I didn't want to get involved but my DD pushed and pushed and then sister said she loved me and wanted to see me and I thought everything would be alright. I don't know what the official diagnosis is because she won't talk.

My dd won't answer her phone now as I was crying and angry, so that upsets me even more.

alec_eiffel

Oh bless your heart Byatt. I hope you can speak with your DD soon and get a little bit of peace tonight.

Byatt

alec_eiffel wrote: »

Oh bless your heart Byatt. I hope you can speak with your DD soon and get a little bit of peace tonight.

I just can't stop crying. Every rejection, every abandonment I've gone through has all come back. I wish I'd never got involved. I never will again. :(:(

RAS

Byatt wrote: »

I can't stop crying. I'm here alone and have once again had my heart ripped from me again. My sister, who is now out of hospital, and who knows if this is part of her condition, has told my Dd and now me that she is not giving me her phone number, will not speak to me about it and has basically accused me of stealing from her. She says she has been told not to give it to me.

I thought we were mending fences, and when she was in hospital seemed happy to see me.

Now my Dd is involved and she is allowed to have the number and I can't bear it...my dd just doesn't get it, and I can't see how she can continue to see my sister when I am hated so much. The neighbours have obviously been told hateful things about me as well as probably adding to sister's paranoia over me.

I didn't want to get involved but my DD pushed and pushed and then sister said she loved me and wanted to see me and I thought everything would be alright. I don't know what the official diagnosis is because she won't talk.

My dd won't answer her phone now as I was crying and angry, so that upsets me even more.

Byatt

Sadly paranoia is often part of dementia. The things my mother used to say about me.

At the most basic, she would put something down and "lose" it becasue she could not recall where she had put it. I would then find it for her. After I left she could not find it again, so she was convinced that I has taken it away. Since I was one of the very few people allowed in the house (and the only one allowed upstairs - mainly because I had to sleep there is I visited), I "stole" a lot of things. Then of course, she started hiding things to prevent them being stolen, and was even less likely to find them again. We found a saw under the sofa cushions, camera in a casserole, all sorts.

I know it hurts but it is not really your sister talking, just the muddle mind that inhabits her brain now.

Eventually she will start making this sort of comment about the health or care professionals and they may put her on a anti-psychotic for a little while. When people asked after mum, we used to think "Which one? The screaming psychotic paranoid harridan or the compliant little old lady that the drugs briefly afford us?"

Other people (old friends and neighbours) did know - a few even commented that they were appalled by the things she said.

greenbee

Byatt - it probably isn't much consolation, as clearly this has pressed a lot of buttons for you, but it may well be your sister's condition that is making her behave like this. My godmother was an alcoholic and was convinced that people were conspiring against her. By the time she died the only person she would talk to was me (aged 10). Luckily I wasn't often around when she rang and my parents made sure I didn't see much of her once she started to deteriorate.

I hope you can believe that this is not about you, but your sister. However, I think you are right not to get involved. I suggest you return any paperwork and wash your hands of it. And maybe consider a counselling service to help you get through this.

RAS

Byatt

If you can settle your feelings about the first rejection, this will be much easier to bear. it is the first one that makes the next one feel worse etc.

if you can find a way of resolving that old hurts, now is easier to bear.