Hoarding...not just on TV

GreyQueen

valk_scot wrote: »

I have a friend coming round this afternoon so I'm not going to have time to do much around the hose by way of decluttering. However I have emailed a friend who keeps chickens asking her if she'd like the chicken run I bought two years in a sale, and which has been sitting (still in packaging) in the shed ever since. I've always fancied keeping chickens but realistically I don't think I ever will, so why own a chicken run?

Sometimes I think I buy things because they're part of this alternate reality I'd like to live in. I'd like to live in a Country Homes & Interiors house, you see, with two labs and Buff Orpington chickens and three kids dressed in Boden clothes and a craft studio in the garden, converted from a summerhouse or gypsy caravan. The reality is somewhat different! But I still buy things for this other woman whose life I'd like, lol.

Anyway, hopefully the chicken run will find a new home. And I'm now wondering what else I've got in the same sort of category that I could move on.

I recognise myself, only the details change. You might want to glance at this post:

http://www.missminimalist.com/2011/08/declutter-your-fantasy-self/

short_bird wrote: »

Yes, covetable. If they're the Harvest ones - cylindrical with a little gold flower on the side - a set of 6 have just sold for £25 on ebay.
(Steps back to avoid stampede to cupboards...)

:eek: Gosh. This particular set are bowls with narrow bases. I'm sure she has an orange Harvester or two. Think the cat bikkies are in one of them. That seems to be a bit wrong, now......;)

katep23

Hi all, hope you are all well.

Am fuming about something that happened at work so hoping to put that energy into something positive and hopefully do some ruthless de-richarding!

Grr, watch out cottage cheese tubs, I'm coming to chuck you out...

whitewing

Spent this afternoon giving out the stuff we sorted yesterday. Got a fiver for some toys that would have been flung if DH had anything to do with it. The hospital was very grateful (and quite surprised) for the stuff we gave.

Relative was a little disappointed with the value of some of her auctionable stuff. I think she is making the mistake that old+sentimental = valuable. Have suggested she use some of her nice stuff rather than sell it. She is still committed to clearing out, and she isn't being ripped off.

Frustrating not to be sorting as quickly as I feel keen to do, but definitely better to have one day sorting, one day physically getting every last bit of sorted stuff out.

We are more or less at a stage now where we don't have to have a major clean up if visitors are coming.

blossomhill_2

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

But I did watch a recorded SuperScrimpers, and one thing that struck me that someone was making sock toys and they said, 'Don't buy stuffing, just use an old cushion or pillow stuffing

Ye gods, no! - who is ending up with these toys? Made of other people's old pillows! I can't even sleep on hotel pillows. Imagine giving them to a kid in a toy!

Actually, now I think about it, where are these poeple getting the socks from - I bet they are their OH's old ones!

whitewing wrote: »

Frustrating not to be sorting as quickly as I feel keen to do, but definitely better to have one day sorting, one day physically getting every last bit of sorted stuff out.

We are more or less at a stage now where we don't have to have a major clean up if visitors are coming.

That's pacing and is far more sustainable than mad bursts, well done!

Great about visitors!

katep23 wrote: »

Hi all, hope you are all well.

Am fuming about something that happened at work so hoping to put that energy into something positive and hopefully do some ruthless de-richarding!

Grr, watch out cottage cheese tubs, I'm coming to chuck you out...

Sorry about your work but glad you are going to fuel that energy - I tend to hack down bits of tree when angry!

Contessa

Wannabe Sybil,
Thanks for the welcome-I agree that this is a very nice thread ( hoarders are caring people-that's why they struggle to throw things out!)
Today I took six bags of books (mainly) and bric a brac to the charity shop. If I've taken stuff there recently I always have a look to see if it's on sale and for how much. I think I should stop doing this though as it's bad for me as my thoughts are often, " That cost me £££ and you're only asking £! " or " I bought that x years ago and never wore it-it's been on display for 3 weeks and no-one's bought it. I must have awful fashion sense! "
Actually writing this has been a light bulb moment-it's not enough just to give things to charity, I have to really let go of them and stop looking for them in the shop.

GreyQueen

Contessa wrote: »

Wannabe Sybil,
Thanks for the welcome-I agree that this is a very nice thread ( hoarders are caring people-that's why they struggle to throw things out!)
Today I took six bags of books (mainly) and bric a brac to the charity shop. If I've taken stuff there recently I always have a look to see if it's on sale and for how much. I think I should stop doing this though as it's bad for me as my thoughts are often, " That cost me £££ and you're only asking £! " or " I bought that x years ago and never wore it-it's been on display for 3 weeks and no-one's bought it. I must have awful fashion sense! "
Actually writing this has been a light bulb moment-it's not enough just to give things to charity, I have to really let go of them and stop looking for them in the shop.

I've done this, too.

Nowadays, I make sure I avoid a shop where I've donated for many weeks to make sure I don't do it again. Maybe if this is a problem, you could donate in another place, say drop your stuff off at another area when there about other business.

BTW, if there are tender feelings involved, a chain c.s. should be able to send things to another town which might be appropriate if you were dealing with the clothing of a deceased relative, perhaps. I know people who have asked this of the big chains and they've been happy to oblige.

valk_scot

blossomhill wrote: »

I wish you would talk to her instead about what is so different between her life and yours instead of just giving her the run - and see if you are really that far off being able to keep chickens

You mistake my meaning ...the other woman whose life I'd like lives in my head as a sort of alternate fantasy me. I stand in shops looking at totally impractical things that I'll never use (like chicken runs) and sometimes end up buying them because I've forgotten I'm not her iyswim. The friend who I'm giving the run to isn't this woman, she's got a nice house and life but argh, she doesn't craft so I don't want her life at all, trust me.

As to the chickens the main problems are (a) the garden is vunerable to the local yobs coming over the wall and possibly hurting the chickens (b) I've got a vegetable patch I'm rather fond of in the garden.

blossomhill_2

valk_scot wrote: »

You mistake my meaning ...the other woman whose life I'd like lives in my head as a sort of alternate fantasy me. edit
As to the chickens the main problems are (a) the garden is vunerable to the local yobs coming over the wall and possibly hurting the chickens (b) I've got a vegetable patch I'm rather fond of in the garden.

No I knew what you meant, I just saw Mrs Chicken keeper as a resource you could tap into to get closer to your dreams - but yobs and lack of space seem to seal the fate of your fantasy chickens

wannabe_sybil

I'd love chickens. I'd love an Eglu. I love the idea of home grown veggies and fresh eggs. However it's not so long ago that I couldn't guarantee to walk a hundred yards. I am sort of edging round a reality check and to try and work out what I want to do against what I can actually do.

Besides, apart from the ginger gentleman who is a huge, intact ginger tom cat that is a violent thug to all living things except humans who feed him, there are a lot of cats. There are a lot of dogs. There are a lot of rats despite the best efforts of the cats. And realistically, most American cars are bigger than our garden. Darling father now rules the garden. He has planted petunias and lobelia. Not a tomato in sight.

It's the aspirational hoarding stuff, and it is so painful to let go of some of that stuff because you are, effectively, letting go of an aspiration. It's not easy.

Contessa - it is so hard to see something you have valued so much and fought so hard to avoid losing have so little value to other people. It can be painful. I would suggest to any hoarder to do a spell as a volunteer at a charity shop (leave your money at home!) or sort for a jumble sale. It is a cruel reality check. Not only that stuff you would value highly just not being sold, but so much being thrown out because it is just not wanted - it may have perceived value but it is not worth putting out as it won't sell. Not to mention the things donated that quite frankly are worth less than the bin bag they came in. To someone they had value. To someone objective outside, they have no value. It is a hard lesson.

The other cruel reality check is something I once did for my sister in law - look at selling some stuff on ebay. She couldn't believe that some of the stuff would fetch so little, as it had huge emotional value to her. I know her daughter has tons of the memorabilia of the pop group Blue, saved as 'it will be worth something someday'. I am not so sure.

So hugs to those who have had to have this horrible shock hit them in the face. It really can sting. So allow yourself the credit for getting there.

And now, after a dismal day with more coming in (grocery shop) than going out (v little) I am crawling off to bed - goodnight and hugs to all.

Jettycat

Hi All

I've been lurking for a while now and have eventually found the nerve to post.

My mother is a hoarder and has been all my life. It got worse as I got older and since my siblings and I have all moved out of home it has become so bad that she has no central heating (it packed up and she can't let anyone in to fix it), collapsed ceilings (roof leaks) and several rooms so full of carp that you can barely open the doors. The house is not only full of stuff but also dirty - last time I stayed (over 5 years ago) I had to stand on the bed to get changed! Once I had learned to drive my sister and I used to do the occasional run to the recycling bins or just public waste bins to try and get rid of some of the newspapers and other rubbish as we couldn't use the bins at home as she would go through them to check what we had thrown out.

It really messed up my childhood as I was embarrassed to have friends round and once I'd left home I wouldn't let friends visit my parents house if possible. If I had no choice (e.g. boyfriends eventually want to meet your parents!) then I would spend ages warning them how bad it was until I thought they might be beginning to get the idea - I still remember several "I thought you were joking" comments after the first visits though.

I have eventually realised that until she admits there is a problem then there is nothing I can do about it and as frustrating as this is (I haven't been inside the house for at least 3 years now) I have sort of come to terms with it. However, having read through this thread I have now realised that I am a hoarder too (AARGH!). Although I am one of the neat-freak ones and I totally recognise the perfectionist argument someone mentioned earlier, this is sooo me! I think "I can't start that as I don't have the time/materials/storage/ability to finish it perfectly so I won't bother I'll just put it all away neatly until I can do it".

My worst things are children's bits and bobs (as I like to be prepared if friends or relatives with children younger than ours visit), plastic containers (I keep takeaway ones, marg tubs, ice cream tubs, etc, etc) and paperwork (OH says I just love filing). I have managed to recycle some papers and some marg tubs this week - hopefully that's just the start.

I had no idea I was like my mother, and realising this is a huge wake up call for me. I don't want to be like her (not in this way anyhow) so I've been throwing things out or giving things away all week and feel so energised by it, so I just want to say

:T:T:T THANK YOU :T:T:T

I intend to keep reading and posting as I hope this will continue to remind me why I need to keep on top of the stuff in the house and continually review what I'm tidying away neatly!!

x