Hoarding...not just on TV

doraexplorer

hugs Jojo xxx

bossymoo

Hope you're ok jojo.

It's such a sad situation. A little message for all those who want their children to have something "when I am gone":

My husband died not so long ago. He didn't have lots. I have two boxes of his favourite toys and comics that he kept (our son might play with these when he's a bit older) and he does have a very extensive tool chest (quite organised) other than that it was just his clothes, wallet, iPod etc.

The only important things are:
His st Christopher pendant and wedding ring, both of which I now wear.
Photos, all of which are stored digitally.
A few clothes, which we've had made into bears and patchworks for the children.
Memories and stories, going into a scrapbook.

My children don't need a sofa or a bed to help them remember. They need family, to talk about him, to tell them what fun he was, and how much he loved them.

I hope that helps someone.

X

Possession

What a moving post Bossymoo, and a lovely idea to make your husband's clothes into cuddlies for the children. I admire your spirit and dignified way of dealing with your loss, as well as your determination to keep your husband's memory alive for your children. You've made me think about what would be important to me, and I shall slowly be getting rid of the excess baggage. Thankyou.

whitewing

Possession - what a great username for this thread!

Byatt

Bossymoo, thanks for sharing your story, (you have helped me) and I am so sorry for your loss.

Well, this morning I've taken a box to my local CS. It's been sitting around for so long, things never used and I did try to sell at a car boot, and thought I would try again, but what with the weather, and lack of space, decided that hanging on to it, was silly as it was costing me healthwise (physical and mental) keeping it...tripping over boxes and worrying about the clutter.

Just a small step but will try a box a day. Thanks to this thread and all your stories, which I really appreciate you sharing, because I know how hard it is to admit to this clutter problem.

bobble_hat

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I can't be the only one.

Jojo - thank you for being brave enough to start this thread and brave enough to tell us your story. I don't really see my Mum, unless she pops in when I'm at my sisters house, except for birthdays and Christmases. She makes me feel bad about me. She is a hoarder, not as extreme as your Mum, but it is there, she's just turned 70 and I imagine it will get worse.

I tend to hang on to things then have a huge clear-out when I get in a panic about having stuff. The funny thing is my Mum always used to quote my Granddad "don't have possessions, they are a tie, only have what you can carry on your own back". This stuck with me, but I know I have an inner hoarder always lurking "I'll put that to one side, it may be useful/needed/important one day". I just watched the Hoarder next door program as mentioned in this thread and that is exactly what they were saying to each item, each soggy notebook or old wrinkled newspaper and I realised I need to change.

Anyway, I wanted to say how sorry I am about your cat, and say how brave you are to walk away from your Mum, I know how hard it is to deal with the guilt of not liking your own Mother.

Also by starting this thread, although you may not have been able to help your Mum, look at all the other people you have helped through here, and you've just helped another one, I'm going to put 3 empty cardboard boxes together (I was going to take these to the tip tomorrow) and blitz my spare room into the E-Bay Box, the Car-boot box and the charity box, then bag up the rest for the bin. No more tripping over carp.

Thank you :beer:

Gingernutty

Hello JoJo :wave:

I'm sorry to hear of your recent troubles, and frankly I don't blame you feeling the way you do.

Grieving over a much loved cat that was part of your family for years and cutting out a mentalist old bat that brained you with garden tools - yup, no brainer really.

I come from a hoarder type family and have tried rebelling over the years. Every now and again, I come to my senses, have a 'fit of the tidies' and start clearing out stuff I thought I ought to keep.

Today I burnt all the paperwork regarding my uncle who died in 2010 - keeping only the most important bits (birth, death, probate and grave certificates) and finding his signet and claddagh rings which are in a padded envelope ready to be posted to his surviving brother.

There was too much for my rubbishy little shredder to cope with so I had to clear everything away from the fireplace and carefully set about a controlled burn of decades of paper.

This, in turn, freed up a shelf which allowed me to sort through a crate of stationery under my desk - there's a load of stuff going in the bin, plenty for recycling, some more going to the charity shop and I can sit down at my desk and stretch my legs.

Thank you for starting this thread.

dktreesea

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I'd be minded to speak to the Council's Housing Department, if they will talk to you. Once things like this are in train, they can be a bit unstoppable. Your mother may have a lot less time to get this sorted (or you do) than she thinks.

Getting her hair done! And then coming home to that filthy squalor. She's not well and I wonder if you could try to ger her GP involved somehow?

Yes, I agree. There was a guy here who had a moth and some kind of flying bug infestation. The neighbours had been onto the council about it for ages and they did nothing. But someone in that block sued them. That certainly got them moving. And when the council did come around and see it, they wasted no time in getting it sorted. They had a notice on the property the very next day to when the neighbour said their solicitors had served them the papers.

The tenants said they couldn't cope and would need the council's help. The council had two skips there two days later. Three of their environmental health officers came. They persuaded the owners of the stuff to leave the property for the day, and literally had the property cleared that same day.

I felt a bit sorry for the tenants because even the things they had wanted to keep were gone to the tip.

Valli

can I make suggestions for hoarders who are clearing their own stashes.

CLEAN things can go to your local primary school (especially if there are infant classes) for JUNK MODELLING - check first, no loo rolls please. They *might* be funny about egg boxes too.

As you start to clear have a BIG box for each category of sorting, as near to the room you are working in a possible.

Your categories are
recycling
skip
charity shop
keep

and my most sucesful tip is getsomeon ein to help - a friend, a relative, whoever but that someone won't have any emotional attachment and that will help. GET RID of the stuff that's going as quickly as possible, and you are NOT allowed to check through any boxes! I used to bring stuff here for my sister to *think* about - and charity shop it. So far she has never asked for anything back! Which was good, because I hadn't kept it!. It was always stuff someone had bought for her that she was reluctant to part with!

and another rule is one of anything - so one frying pan, one milk pan, one set of knives (see;)) one set of cutlery

I have only ever done it as an amateur but never in a 'bad' vermin ridden house...

and, to our esteemed OP - you are PERFECTLY ENTITLED to walk away from this; it's not your problem and it's not your responsibility.
Take care JJTF

Byatt

Thanks Valli, that's really useful.

I have taken clothes and a picture to CS today...more pictures to go.