Hoarding...not just on TV

thriftwizard

Interested about the dreams and previous residences - had quite an enlightening discussion with my mother yesterday about this - and reached another realisation that moving on every 7 years as a child, when Dad was alive, then every 6 months or so when poor Mum was desperately trying to keep a roof over our heads, was another contributing factor. It's the house we left just before it all fell apart that keeps coming back to all of us - our last "real" home. And it's probably why I've hung on like grim death to this house, although it's never been my ideal home; a real sense that my kids needed the stability & roots that were at least possible here. Also, recognising that DH, who has his own issues (anyone else have 5,000+ football programmes in their bedroom?!) had a similarly disrupted upbringing - Forces family, posted every 2 years, Dad away most of the time, Mum with a tendency to hepatitis & not sociable, so they ended up in care more than once while she was in hospital. I wonder if I'll come back here in my dreams, in years to come? And my kids?

Brightening up a bit now, and thanking you all for all your kind words. I've also had two emails about items that hadn't sold, asking very politely whether I was planning to re-list as they'd meant to bid but missed the chance - it's all in the timing, isn't it?! I jumped at the first chance to list them & didn't think it through properly, because I do know that many people only have the chance to browse & bid at weekends...

blossomhill_2

One probably mainly for the men ... probably lurkers... I can see you

Do you store chemicals from your work/workshop etc and are not too fussy when labels fall off "because you know what they are anyway and it's only you uses them, it's not like your grandkids get into your shed anyway"

Do you realise what a burden you will leave whoever comes along to clear out after you've gone - your OH/DD/DS wont be able to tip it down the drain cos they don't know what it is - the local tip wont take it cos they wont know what it is ... your family will have to fill out a hazardous waste form, listing all the places you've worked in case it is some potent potion from a chemical industry because in the absence of evidence of what it is, they will have to take a cautious approach and assume it is hazardous to cover every scenario, then wait in for men in black to come and collect it

Why not apply for the form now from your local council and fill it out yourself - or better still, store it properly or dispose of it responsibly?

Otherwise when you look down from above and think "it's funny, I always though DS/DD would become a doctor, surprised they didn't" you will have a horrible realisation that it may be because they are instead dealing with the unneccessary headaches you have left them

...and yes, I have had to do this

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I ventured into the spare room today. It's now called the spare room instead of DD's room as I think it's fairly obvious she never wants to see me again. Well, until her father starts telling her she can't do stuff she wants to (or her SM finds out he's trolling the internet for 18 year olds, claiming he's in an open relationship, chucks him out and sells the house), at any rate.


Shelf unit went behind the bed instead of behind the door, sewing machine, sewing box and flower press on the shelves. Fishing rod and tackle box went beside it. Step ladder to loft carefully placed there (must get courage up to climb up and fix it inside the loft so it comes down). Then looked over back of desk - to find one of the cats had weed in the corner!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

However, thanks to the wonders of the declutter bug, there were far fewer things in the room than when DD was here, so it took ten minutes, one bin bag and some enzyme spray to deal with it. I am so glad I put vinyl in there instead of carpet when we moved in. (Had she still been here, I don't think it would have been discovered for months and would have been all over tons of things)


Thinking about it, DD shows some real hoarding tendencies herself. She gives one of her reasons for going to her Dad as I threw away some toys that she had not cleared from the tiny garden for three months and the fox had covered with nastiness. She never properly unpacked the one box of junk she had from the old flat, despite having a perfect cupboard built in the room and I keep on finding some of the most pointless bits and pieces in there. I also heard lots of the 'well, how would I know what to do? YOU don't ever do anything' deflection type stuff, and she seemed to make a point of trashing every clear space I ever made.


Hmmm. Anyhow, a bin bag of stinky stuff and broken things has been crammed into the wheelie bin. I will, at some point, have to deal with the remains of her clothes (no use in keeping them when she'll most likely be a foot taller by the time I see her again), toys and generalised gibble, but that means one wardrobe, one chest of drawers, one cupboard (that I'm going to turn into my airing cupboard, which then means I can get rid of a chest of drawers in my room) and a few bits under the bed.


And then it will be decorated. Nice and cool and fresh and clean.


Mind you, I did feel a bit guilty about sticking her rusty pushbike and scooter out the front to be collected by either the scrapman or anybody else who felt the need for them. And being delighted that they had gone within ten minutes of sticking them out there.

But she's not using them, is she?

**********


Got an email from my sister the other day, asking how the clearance was going. So I told her I hadn't been back and that I wasn't going to. All she said in reply was 'oh, well, it's her problem.'. Think that says it all - even her kids are shrugging their shoulders and walking away.



*****

I think hoarding does distract away from other emotions. It puts distance between people - literally building a wall. Or, by creating visual noise, it's the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and singing 'la, la, la, I can't hear you'. So, by taking each piece down, there isn't a physical barrier anymore and there's space for silence.



Which means the hoarder feels exposed and can hear their internal dialogue for the first time in years, if not ever. In my mother's case, perhaps that would be something along the lines of it being widely known that she wasn't ever Supermum/Animal Expert of the Year, but a nasty, mean, vicious, abusive bully. So of course she doesn't want to hear that.



In any case, I've had something to eat and I'm going to sit down and watch DIY programmes on telly for a bit.

kiss_me_now9

Cried over a t shirt that I threw away months ago a few nights back, in my defence I was quite upset in the first place Little bit pathetic.

I think working in the charity shop a few times a week is helpful; it might be something that some of you want to consider if you have a few hours a week spare - there's no emotional attachment to the stuff, you can see what truly is useful and what isn't (I was willing to put a Connect 4 game out that had two tokens missing until my boss pointed out that one person would have an unfair advantage with their extra tokens!) and stuff either goes to a good home or it goes to recycling centres for cash weight. Plus you get out the house, meet new people and it gives you a few hours of just clinical sorting through things which I find distracting

oldtractor

blossomhill wrote: »

I'd take this as my proof that they are not worth trying to save, and bin them - may sound harsh but my hoarding (and that of many others) is based on the delusion of things having a hidden value - so any proof I could get of them not having a value (ie even if I offer them for free no-one can use them) I need to believe and act on
HTH

This is good advice

oldtractor

[QUOTE=

ETA - Blossomhill, don't know about OldTractor's stuff, but I know I've listed lots of stuff on Freecycle/Freegle (we have both here) lately and people have yelled "ME ME ME" and then don't turn up for it, time after time! Which is really annoying, especially when you had other people, possibly quite genuine, also interested. I'm keeping a little list now and don't offer it to them any more. I've had one proffer the same excuse twice in one week - "Sorry, the car wouldn't start..." - and I have taken some of it to the dump in the end. The other major annoyance is when you give measurements for something like, say, a big chest of drawers, and they turn up in a tiny car to pick it up...[/QUOTE]
This has happened to me. a couple of days ago I waited in and then a no-show. I've had it many times. Sort of getting round to thinking of just binning stuff. Shame.

oldtractor

Anyway this thread is very inspiring. I'm off to chuck out more stuff now.................

Byatt

Well, the person turned up for one item :T , they had sent a shirty email saying I hadn't responded to their emails, but then got an apology when they found them in their spam folder. Good thing I'm good natured!

Anyway, one more thing gone. And back from the dentist which was an ordeal to say the least. I was aware I was gripping the sides of the chair quite hard. :eek:

My parents moved every 2 years or so, not big distances but sometimes just a mile or so, as I've only just realised by using Google maps. Have no idea why they did it, although there was the odd moonlight flit, but I went to many different schools with varying degrees in standards. From the truly appalling to the too rich/academic. My mother's excuse in her later years was that she moved so we went to good schools! This fantasy she passed onto anyone who would listen to her and makes me so angry. I can prove that was not the case.

I'm going for a nap now, I keep putting it off, but I'm so tired I keep tripping over.

lostinrates

whitewing wrote: »

I do think sometimes it is actually needed to curl up into a ball and cry (or do it over a weepy film).

I work from home, and I am definitely in need of some proper time not working. I rarely have a day free of making a phone call, sending an email etc etc, and I am now full of cold and tired of it all.

Still very pleased about the visit to the auction house though. May even be able to put some our own stuff in next time as I am sure there will be more trips with aunty's loft clearance. Wouldn't have enough of our own to bother taking but every little helps in the lots.

I definitely think its healthy to have a good weep when needed. I have had a couple the ladt two weeks. Some of my mse chums are fisiting this week and offered to reschedule when this eye business started and the medical appts. But i feel life goes on and halting now would not be in my best interests.

I think someone would have to be moronic not to be stressed about, in my case, the medical stuff. By having a good ranty shout and a weep i am acknowledging that Meaning i can still let the good stuff take its place too. Its easy to forget that not being emotionally robust is just as much about not crediting the good stuff with its value as the emphasis on the bad stuff.

Like a nice house is about have room to relax as well as nice stuff, so the boxes of carp are a limiter to enjoying the good stuff. :rotfl:

SpikyHedgehog

thriftwizard wrote: »

Soolin, ditto! I am having to be really, really selective about what I keep for my stall & online shop - only the items I know will sell fast, for a decent return. It will also improve the look of the stall; towards the end of my time in the shop, it started to look more & more chaotic as people kept on bringing in their stashes of fabric, lace, ribbons, yarn & stuff, and I just didn't have the time to keep sorting it out; there were bags of it piling up at the back. I don't want my stall to look like that too! I'm going to take some of the more marginal stuff to a car boot sale - not to mention all the stuff that my mother has destashed into my house! - but have sent the vast majority of it off to people who really can use it, in the third world.

I have a few items that might be best rehomed via the auction house, too, and I'm now down to the sort of level where I can wait a while to choose the best way to dispose of individual things. And I know I WILL do it, now - it feels like an enormous dam has burst, and my heart's getting lighter with every square foot of floor space I rediscover! Last night I reached a big milestone out in the conservatory; I unearthed my treadle sewing machine. That may sound a bit of an anachronism, possibly even a hoard in its own right, but it's by far my favourite machine to work on - total control! - and also my elder daughter's. We're also working crafters, and we do have a new electric Bernina, but the old Jones wins hands down for any straight-stitch tasks.

Two small piles of stuff still to sort, then I can start planning what to take to the car boot next Tuesday... :T

The advantage of having multiple sewing machines is that you can have them threaded up with different frequently used threads so you don't have to do a bobbin & spool change - this is my mum's tip - did I mention she has a hoarding problem...? She bought a new machine when she & dad moved about 6 years ago because she's not sure where the old one is... (Probably with little sis who also hoards.)

VJsmum wrote: »

Suggestions, please - what can I do with quilts? I have many single quilts, and only one single bed. I also have many duplicate double quilts. They take up lots of room, but it seems a shame to just bin them.

Decluttered a bag of Enid Blyton books at the weekend. My niece gave them to my DD who has outgrown them (I never grew into them, can't bear the woman and all her works). Niece wanted them back = result! :T

I have been thinking a lot about the "what if" scenario. I think I have a lot of stuff based on "what if" - i.e.

what if
- i find i do want to barbecue (barbecue, what a joke!!) some vegetables and i give away that big purpose built pan cluttering up a cupboard
- i need to use the electric knife that doesn't cut anything
- i need to fill all those disney / warner bros / alton towers cups we got whilst there
- i suddenly decide to use the pizza pan instead of putting pizza on the oven shelf as I always do
- i need to use every one of my dozen or so casserole dishes
- the kids (who are 16 and 13) want to use all of the 200 :eek: or so colouring pencils and felt tips that we have.

Really, these are things I do not need. They are going.

S2 is the only 1 with a single bed, & he has 2 quilts, but they do snap together for winter. I've got 1 more that I keep in a duvet cover so it's ready for DS2 wetting his whole bed & needing a cover, or DS1 asking 'Can so&so stay over?' They put it down as a more comfy roll mat before using DS1's sleeping bag.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Maybe this is a new technique for assessing items?

Are they useful for a) disposing of bodies

evading attack from zombie armies or deranged axemen with a grudge against Tupperware?


And before anyone gets smart, obstacles and trip hazards to not count as being useful.

Thank you Jo-Jo, you have given me a motivatory factor to get DS1 to un-hoard! I read this out to him & he said 'Oh, that would hlep me get rid of my clutter.'!