Family childcare when in labour, am I being unreasonable?

minimoneysaver

He is being childish and needs to grow up fast! There is no excuse for carrying on like that. His mother doesn't sound like the ideal solution for your daughter. It is important that your daughter can remain in her routine. He needs to stop bullying you and support you. It is time that your mother and your bf make up.

lilymay1

minimoneysaver wrote: »

He is being childish and needs to grow up fast! There is no excuse for carrying on like that. His mother doesn't sound like the ideal solution for your daughter. It is important that your daughter can remain in her routine. He needs to stop bullying you and support you. It is time that your mother and your bf make up.

As above.

If your bf is going to behave like a child, perhaps he should be the one staying at home.

If I were you, I'd ask my mum to be my birthing partner

VfM4meplse

I must say that your b/f's attitude is typical of a brat that wants their own way but has no sense of the practical implications of this. Is he generally helpful around the house I wonder, or does he expect his pants to wash themselves?

He should be cherishing you at this time and not stressing you out with his selfish point scoring. If his mum is unreliable, tell him so. It's her fault that he's turned out this way.

Bennifred

Adorabelle wrote: »

Thanks for the replies and advice everyone.

Bennifred - yeah my Mum is happy to fit in with what I want whenever that may be

I think I will make a note of the advice given here and try and approach him. Unfortunately he is not very approachable but I will try my hardest to put my foot down! Wish me luck!

What?! Sorry, but that is very concerning. Is he a bully or are you a doormat? It sounds as though your relationship has issues which need addressing after your baby has arrived.

In the meantime, if you have a problem with "approaching" this subject with him, then don't! Just make the arrangements with your Mum and once you need to go to hospital then contact her directly yourself and tell your OH that you need to go and your Mum is coming to take care of your daughter. No discussion - just sort it out yourself. If he is saying anything to his mother - too bad. Don't get drawn into it.

Good luck with your baby. And when you are feeling stronger - get help with your relationship.

marisco_2

Adorabelle wrote: »

I have tried speaking to both of them, but like I said they are both stubborn and are not thinking of me. My boyfriend can also be a bit of a bully and not consider my side of things or even listen to me at times I have multiple sclerosis as well as being heavily pregnant and I am upset that the two people who are supposed to care the most about me cannot even compromise or think of me at this time! The stress of this has been keeping me awake at night and I don't know what to do

Sorry for the rant and long post but am I being unreasonable not wanting his Mum to look after our daughter?

Thank you

I can see why it would be far easier to have your mum look after your daughter. Your boyfriend needs to grow up a bit doesn't he. He sounds like a stroppy teenager who will make sure his needs are met and not bother to consider the consequences of his actions.

I get the impression he is more than capable of having upset and offended your mum. They should both be focused on what really matters right now though. Making sure that when it comes to you going into labour, everything goes as smoothly and stress free as possible for you. Surely that is paramount to any petty argument they have had.

Bang their heads together till they see sense. Or just show them your post and let them read for themselves what anxiety and stress they are causing you. None of it any good for the baby!

barbaraemmerson

waterbaby wrote: »

I don't have any family nearby, and when I was pregnant with number 2, I had a five week schedule carefully mapped out, with days and nights covered by nursery and by seven other people, who all knew exactly when their day/time slots were... it was a military operation!

So I can definitely identify with the stress, but also having it sorted out like that was a VAST weight off my mind. No you are definitely not being unreasonable. Given all the points raised, your mum is the obvious choice. Some of the MIL things like the egg and beans don't really matter (your DD would only have it on that one day, maybe two but it would do her no harm), but having someone able to be there quickly and reliably is absolutely vital.

Has bf heard any stories from second time mums for whom it all progressed much more quickly than the first time? Tell him some! eg I set off for the hospital at 6.30, baby arrived at 7.55. Just this Saturday my friend left the house at 1.25, baby born at 2.30 after 30 min car drive! There really might not be time to be driving DD
anywhere!

sunday 3.15am phoned the hospital - wife in labour - bring her in -dropped off son to neighbours over the road at 3.30am - got to hospital 3.45am - thankfully the roads were quiet - had baby 5.04am - you may not have time to run your daughter around but may need to get to hospital FAST!!!!

claire16c

Adorabelle wrote: »

Thanks for the replies and advice everyone.

Bennifred - yeah my Mum is happy to fit in with what I want whenever that may be

I think I will make a note of the advice given here and try and approach him. Unfortunately he is not very approachable but I will try my hardest to put my foot down! Wish me luck!

:eek::eek::eek:


Unfortunately as you are pregnant its a bit too late to ask why are you in a relationship with someone like this with massive alarm bells like that going off....

Anyway - if your mum is happy to mind your daughter, then I dont see what the issue is, and why this is even a problem that you had to have to post about in the first place, and list out a whole load of reasons for. The fact that there is an issue, shows you have a major problem in your relationship and that seems to be your boyfriend. Which youve also demonstrated by the above post.

Perhaps once your baby is born you can think more about that.

Adorabelle_2

It's not that I'm scared of him, it's just when I'm tired, emotional and stressed I do not have the energy to fight and argue with him.

VfM4meplease - I do blame his Mum for the way he is. He's the 3rd of 6 children and the oldest lad and as she always wanted a son he's her favourite and she does anything for him His Dad left them when he was 12 so he took on the male role in the household which is why he's very dominant himself and tries to rule the roost. He's now in his mid 30s but his Mum will still do anything for him which really winds me up. When I've mentioned to her about the way he is in the past she just laughs and says 'oh that's my fault' but then continues to do anything for him!

I suppose that is why the egg and beans things pees me off so much. I don't want to sound ungrateful for the childcare help we had from her, but I worked F/T for 5 weeks in April and she had our daughter in the mornings and my OH in the afternoons. I'd be getting up at 5am every morning to get everything ready in time (him at 6.45am), we'd drop our daughter off and his Mum would have a cup of tea waiting for him each morning before we left for work. She'd then feed our daughter a quick microwaved egg and beans at 11am before getting some lunch ready for my OH so he didn't have to worry about feeding the both of them when he got home. As a man he was happy to have someone doing the jobs for him! I then was told on the morning of my last working day that my little girl was waking up in the afternoon hungry! Arrghh!!

Like I said, I don't want to sound ungrateful for the help she has given us but when she has proved to be unreliable when she's had confirmed childcare dates (way in advance too) I don't want the stress of her letting us down at the last minute.

What I did last night was to write down a list of all the reasons why I think it is better for my Mum to do the childcare and then listed all of the advice given (thank you!) and gave that to him before I went to bed. I know it is a bit cowardly to do it on paper rather than face to face but like I said I do not have the energy at the moment for a fight, plus this way I get my points across with no interuptions from him. I will see what his response is when he gets home from work this afternoon.

Thank you to everyone for the support and advice, it is very much appreciated x

Adorabelle_2

Oh on a seperate note, the incident that happened on New Years Eve, I feel my Mum was at fault and I do support and agree with my OH in that situation. However, I feel at the moment I need my Mum's support and I need my OH to put his ego aside and see what's best for me. Once the baby is born he can go back to disliking my Mum lol! :P

Bennifred

Do come back and let us all know how it pans out - you definitely shouldn't have to be worrying about this, especially now.

I appreciate the explanation about why your OH is the way he is, but I'm afraid that I still think he is acting like a selfish bully. I'd address that when you are feeling stronger, if I were you. It would probably be worth it in the long run!

Good luck.:)