Family childcare when in labour, am I being unreasonable?

FatVonD

OP, are you expecting to be in hospital for a few days? Is you OH worried it'll be awkward for him to visit your daughter at your mum's house while you're in hospital? If you're going to be away for a few days could you explain to your mum that he'd rather your daughter went to his mum's and how it's stressing you out and ask if she could please extend an olive branch to him, for your sake?

I still think he's being unreasonable and if there's any time for him to be giving you whatever the hell you want then during labour is that time but the same goes for your mum too!

jellyhead

I think it's better to write out all your worries on paper then see if he can see a solution to all of them. It looks as if your mum is the most flexible and therefore more likely to be reliable, and fast, when you need her - especially if it's a very fast birth and you don't have time to drive across town.

This isn't just a shift at work, it's labour. If your MIL's daughter needs her then she's going to be torn. Clearly your mum is the best solution.

Having said this, has your mother actually apologised to your OH? You said she was in the wrong, and if she hasn't tried to clear the air then your OH is going to feel uncomfortable about the idea of possibly leaving you when visiting hours end, and going back to a house with your mum in it.

Also, does your MIL feel excluded a bit maybe? Perhaps you could arrange for her to visit the baby at the same time as your mum brings your daughter? Then your OH will feel that you are not leaving his mum out. To be honest I'd be happy for somebody to feed me egg and beans every day - it's delicious, and not the most unhealthy of meals.

Good luck. I hope the written list of worries works

pinkteapot

We're just talking about babysitting while you're in labour, right? Not the long-term plan for the next few years. Tell him it's not for long (hopefully!) and you want your mum doing it. If it was a discussion about who would have her every day while you're at work or something it would be different but we're talking about a one-off and there is no need for him to be causing you stress over it. What does he think is going to happen in that day if she's in your mum's care?!

I have a brother who is four years younger than me. When mum was pregnant with him, apparently their next door neighbours said to knock when she went into labour and they'd look after me while mum and dad went to the hospital. She went into labour at 3am. Dad refused to wake the neighbours so took me to the hospital. Naturally the hospital said I couldn't be there. Dad had to bring me back home. By the time he then got back to the hospital, my brother had been born and he missed it. Don't think mum ever forgave him for that one. :eek:

System

I was fortunate enough to go into labour and deliver fairly rapidly and there would have been no time for my other children to be ferried across the city to be looked after by someone else. If i had no option i would have probably delivered in the car.

Your partner is 'flexing his muscles' in the relationship and unfortunately now is not the time.

Hopefully the baby will bring your Mum and your Partner closer together.

rpc

This is a no-brainer. Sadly, he appears to have no brain.

Tell him to accept it and grow up as you won't have time to look after three children.

onlyroz

I can also vouch that second babies often arrive *much* quicker than first babies. I hope you can come to a suitable arrangement over this - the health of yourself and your children is more important than any petty squabbles between family members.

Mojisola

Adorabelle wrote: »

It's not that I'm scared of him, it's just when I'm tired, emotional and stressed I do not have the energy to fight and argue with him.

Seriously, after the baby arrives, get some relationship counselling!

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life - and your children's lives - having to fight and argue with him? Do you want your children to have a Dad or a spoilt older brother?

smartpicture

Completely agree that with second babies you don't have time to faff around, I was pushing already by the time I got to hospital after I waited for my hubby to make a sandwich because he got hungry during my first long-winded labour!

purple.sarah

You're not being unreasonable, you're being practical, the person who can drop everything to be there day or night should be the one to look after your daughter while you are in labour. That happens to be your mother. His mother sounds like she has more on her plate. To put it in perspective, the petty disagreement between your boyfriend and your mum will probably be old news by the time the baby is a few months old, so why should it affect how the baby arrives in the world. Your health is more important and this stress is not good for you, neither is running round trying to drop your daughter off when you're in labour! I would focus on the practical points when you're talking to him. It is worrying that he bullies you and doesn't listen to you. Remember you don't have to put up with that for the sake of the kids, the tension is not good for them either and they will be happier if you are. If you want to work things out with him consider couples counselling after the baby is born.

19lottie82

Tell him to grow up, and stop being selfish by putting his pride before the needs of your DD.