MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Is it time to cut Tracey off?



  • budgetflyer
    budgetflyer Posts: 5,949 Forumite
    Its a sorry situation, just as CrazyHeartofGold has highlighted,for many, its real.
    if not dealt with, can get out of control.- As a parent, you do your best. Sure as Ken and Deidrie did, they were soft, and Tracy took advantage. That doesnt make them bad parents.Trejoy in #30 summed it up with their 3. All get the SAME PARENTING but all lead different lives and have different values. Just as I have found with MY 3.
    God forbid Im ever in their situation, but I feel the financial gravy train to Tracy has to stop.I would continue(if allowed)to help out with food, clothes and toys for the wee one. Knowing Tracies spite, we probably wouldnt get to see him/her anyway. We would I hope be strong enough to bite the bullet, continue with our conviction,despite the heartache of not seeing our grandchild and contact social services, explaining our concerns.
    At the same time, continue a written contact with Tracy, hoping to eventually get through.
  • nemo183
    nemo183 Posts: 637 Forumite
    Many people have said "cut her off, but not her child". Well, just how is that going to work, at a practical level?

    She is a person who has problems. Continuing to fund these negative behaviours is wrong. Working with her to try and solve them must be the way forward.

    This may well be a slow, difficult and expensive process. Those people that have posted short, abrupt "cut her off at once" solutions I would suggest have not the slighest idea, or any personal experience, of dealing with situations like this and they would be better saying nothing unless they had some insight into the complex situation that this is.

    Taking a straw poll of people with no understanding is both pointless, misleading and futile.
  • DJ1UK
    DJ1UK Posts: 369 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Spam Reported.
  • Grandparents take in the boy. Spend the money on him directly and sending Tracey to re-hab and parenting classes. NO MONEY TO TRACEY. Boys father (if known) to contribute financially and generally to boys upbringing. Teach the boy that if he does not have the money then he doesn't get X. If he wants X, Y & Z then he has to choose and that some payments eg keeping a roof over his head are a priority. Show him the consequences of bad choices and NEVER bail him out or history will repeat itself. Tracey has to choose a relationship with them and her son OR with drugs.
  • If Ken and Dierdre have been "supporting" her all this time maybe she isn't aware of how to manage for herself, and if that is the case she is probably feeling out of control, scared of the future and like a failure (I bet K and D make her well aware of her short comings everytime they "help" her).

    I think:
    1) Send her on a parenting course dealing with boundaries and responsibility so she doesn't repeat K and D's mistakes with her own child or at least stops the rot. Hopefully this will give her some confidence in her new found parenting abilities and help her realise where she is setting a bad example.

    2) K and D should acknowledge that they have made mistakes in her upbringing, apologise but say that the situation can't go on and ask her how the 3 of them can come up with a solution for the long term. Dependant on the age of her child she should also think about apologising to him so that the sudden change in regime isn't too stressful for him. They may need family mediation.

    3) Part of this solution could be for K and D to support her in other ways like babysitting for free while she found a PT job or went to college or night school or attended NA meetings. They could also provide encouragemet.

    Maybe she could save small aounts into a trust fund for her son and maybe K and D could help her structure a repayment plan for her debt. I bet it wasn't her dream to end up a single mum living in debt /on handouts! Also hopefully she would meet some new friends this way.
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors


  • All Categories
  • 343K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.6K Spending & Discounts
  • 235K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 607.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173K Life & Family
  • 247.7K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards