MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Is it time to cut Tracey off?



  • housebug
    housebug Posts: 201 Forumite
    As long as the parental life line is always there, Tracey is never going to be responsible for herself. I think her parents need to take a page from Tough Love. Cut her off.

    She's way beyond the age where this kind of behaviour is acceptable or supportable. If she gets into serious trouble, even to the point of losing her child, it has to be her who takes responsibility. Otherwise, where does it end?

    Answer; it doesn't. She'll leach off them to their graves.
  • wdft
    wdft Posts: 4 Newbie
    No , they should not support Tracy, at 30 years old it is long past the time when she should stand on her own two feet. The grandparents can still keep an eye on their grandson and ensure that he does not suffer. They can do this by buying him clothes, taking him out on treats which could include meals if they felt he was not being fed properly.
  • suelees1
    suelees1 Posts: 1,617 Forumite
    How come Tracey's not claiming Income Support, child tax credits and child benefit?
    I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!
  • JayD
    JayD Posts: 698 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Cut off the money and replace it with practical help, like food, clothes etc. I've been there and done just that . My daughter didn't like it and now she wont let me see or talk with my granddaughter (or her) anymore. But I still think it has to be done. You can't fund 'dangerous' habits or assist in condoning what are bad examples for your grandchildren. And you can't finance a bad lifestyle. I'm putting what cash I can into a savings account for when my granddaughter is 18. I hope when she is old enough she will come and seek us out again (she was 10 at the time and we were very close as we had spent a a lot of time looking after her. She is 13 now). For all that, I still say, cut Tracey's money off and find other ways of helping the grandson.
  • Explain to Tracey the time has now come, the money handouts will end on a certain date, say you will offer advice on financial planning if she needs it. Offer to help with occasional gifts for her son, like shoes or paying for his part of a holiday but on NO ACCOUNT give her any cash (especially as she uses it for fun and games) On the negative side, find out how you can protect the interests of your grandson and if necessary get custody if she neglects him. Tracey will never learn to take responsibilty for her own life if you always step in with a rescue package. Tough? No, it's real life, just like for the rest of us. You don't solve money problems with money
  • juliaw
    juliaw Posts: 50 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Cut her off. If they had not rewarded her for overspending by bailing her out in the past, she would not have ended up like this.
  • moanymoany
    moanymoany Posts: 2,877 Forumite
    There was a programme on Oprah, years ago, where a group of graduates in massive debt were given ways of getting themselves out and debtfree. After a year all but one were either out of debt or very nearly there. The one who was in the same amount of debt? His parents had paid his debts for him at the start of the experiment and he had loaded himself up again during the year. The others had taken resposibility and control of their lives and their money.

  • Lusignan
    Lusignan Posts: 646 Forumite
    Cut her off and consider whether to apply for custody of the grandson if she's a drug user. No child should be brought up in that kind of environment.
    I am not stubborn. I am merely correct.
  • trejoy
    trejoy Posts: 74 Forumite
    It was time to cut her off when she had her 21st Birthday. She is dead weight and will bleed them dry.
    I`ve tried to teach independence skills to all of mine.
    1 listened and manages his finances well
    1 ignores everything as he knows best, he is currently claiming his bank charges back
    The youngest is starting to learn from his mistakes - his car, (that we bought), has been crushed as he didn`t have tax!! He`s 21 in 2 weeks, at last we will be free.
  • Of course the should stop giving her money, as there is no guarantee that it will be used for the right purposes. Support can be in a bag of groceries, and
    clothes for the grandson, and little treats occasionally for him, that he might be missing out on.
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