MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Is it time to cut Tracey off?

MSE_Martin Posts: 8,273
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Money Saving Expert
Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

Deirdre and Ken have a daughter called Tracey. While she's now in her 30s, they still support her. While Tracey is fiercely independent, her judgement is poor and she casually racks up bills and debts, often for drink and recreational drug use.

Deirdre and Ken are at the end of their tether; they don't approve of her lifestyle. She won't listen to them and they've tried everything. They are considering cutting off their support, yet as Tracey's a single mum and has a young son, and they are worried that without their money their grandson may not be looked after properly.
Enter the Money Moral Maze: Is it time to cut Tracey off?

Click reply to enter the money moral maze (please remember, be polite to other MoneySavers, even if you disagree with them).

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Martin Lewis, Money Saving Expert.
Please note, answers don't constitute financial advice, it is based on generalised journalistic research. Always ensure any decision is made with regards to your own individual circumstance.
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  • of course its time to cut her off. my god, she says shes independent but still takes money from her parents!
    just because she's a single mum, this doesn't make it right, her parents seem to be basically paying child support.
    She needs to grow up and get a grip of her life, before her child grows up to need other people as much as she needs her parents.
  • Hi There,
    They need to cut off tracys supply of money, but can still support the grandson by buying clothes for him and food parcels.They could also help tracy by suggesting other things for her to do i.e local colleges for relaxation courses, learn something new, volunteer to gain some self confidence and give something to the community?Maybe even a living on a budget course?
  • Mics_chick
    Mics_chick Posts: 12,014 Forumite
    Yep! If they're at the end of their tether then they definitely should - there are other ways that they can look after her son. If he needs clothes or any other necessities then they can take him and buy them for him rather than giving their daughter the money who will probably spend it on something else and they will still end up buying him whatever he needs...!!!!!
    You should never call somebody else a nerd or geek because everybody (even YOU !!!) is an
    "anorak" about something whether it's trains, computers, football, shoes or celebs :p :rotfl:
  • farang_2
    farang_2 Posts: 11 Forumite
    Cut her off now Their child or not she is a waster. Support the grandchild but not with money only with items that are no good to the mother.
    She is probably sponging off the state too :mad: so will have some form of income.
  • georgiasmum
    georgiasmum Posts: 390 Forumite
    cut her off and the grandchild (financially I mean not emotionally) she needs to take care of them both without running to mum and dad.
  • PeteM
    PeteM Posts: 520 Forumite
    This sounds quite like a story line from a popular soap.
    However, in the soap, Tracey has a daughter, so it can't be based on that!!

    But it's time to cut the funding - they wont be around for ever.
  • fififofum
    fififofum Posts: 150 Forumite
    Cut her off! They are enabler's who if she hadnt had them supporting her all this time 0 - 30, she would have learnt the lesson about money and being truly independent. This type of set up is happening all over the country - latest edition of "Beat the bailiffs" had a girl of 22 on, her parents had bailed her out 4 times to the tune of £20,000!! And yet she was back into financial difficulties and the bailiffs had already been round to her friends house where she had been living for two weeks. She had nothing to show for the money and they were ready to take all her friends stuff from the house as her friend didnt have any of the receipts.
    are you sitting comfortably?, then I'll begin.....
    was at 01/01/07 now 03/07/07

    overdraft was 1500 now 1360 must try harder.

    loan was 13705.24 now 9791.62 due to be paid off 01/02/2011 but gonna aim for 01/05/2009!!

    amex cc was 4210 now 3650.48 lobt at 4.9% due to be paid off in 01/02/08
    total owed was £19415.24 now its £14802.10 going down!!!:money:
    I am proud to be dealing with my debt!
    just one day at a time, dont take on ANY NEW debt.
  • sarahbrand
    sarahbrand Posts: 144 Forumite
    We would all like help financially at times, she has been really lucky to have had this for so long. My parents have neer been in a position to support like this and I live too far away for the babysitting etc. If they want to continue to help out financially strings should be attached. She has sponged too long time she helped herself.
    Sarah x
  • So, now in her 30s, she's learnt this lesson: i can make my wild choices in life, i can live how i want to because there are no consequences - mum and dad will bail me out.

    Frankly, she'll go off the rails if cut loose, they've done such an irresponsible job of raising a child the best they can do now is to 'ease her into reality'.
  • billinge
    billinge Posts: 75 Forumite
    Yep, cut her off, but it has to be done carefully, especially if she IS using 'recreational drugs'. It sounds like she would need rehab to change her ways.

    Frankly, the parents should've cut her off a long time ago. Where's the father, and his support?

    If you are old enough to live on your own, and have a child, you should be old enough to support yourself, and it is down to you to get the job that funds your child. All parents' priorities should change once a child is in the equation, the child should become the priority, even above the parents own desires.

    It sounds like a few hard home truths are needed;
    1 - you should support your child
    2 - you should support yourself
    3 - if you cannot do these, you will lose your child!
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