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Why do they have to do this?
Comments
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Just want other peoples views on this, please
My family are so negative, they are driving me mad :eek:
A bit of history, yes, i agree, we have had a lot of bad luck as a family and have been through some terrible times.
Everything does seem to go wrong all the time, and it's always been like this:(
We never had any money as kids due to my dads self employment and bad attitude towards people, so my brother and myself missed out on birthday, christmas presents and we have never been on a family holiday etc
My partner died 4 years ago, i had a house fire, lost everything, due to time off at work, i lost my job, moved in with a friend,who then commited suicide, the list goes on and on...
Anyway, been through counselling etc, much better now, got back to work, it's only agency but it's a start.
Now starting to plan my 'new life' new job, new home etc..
I try to think positive, 'I will get a good job', 'i will move area and get my own place' i will be happy again, it will take time but i know i'll get there.
So i mention this to my parents, ' I don't know why your applying for that job, you won't get it, knowing our luck'
'I don't know why you want to live there, it's rough, you'll get attacked, knowing our luck'
Everything is always 'knowing our luck', or 'it's not meant to be'
They are really getting me down, i am in tears writing this, why do they have to be so negative about everything????
I enter competitions as a hobby, they even say that's a waste of time as 'you never win'
I really am sick and tired of it, i have tried talking to them about it, but it just ends up in a row, is anyone else's family like this ?
How do you stay positive when you are being put down all the time?
Advice please?
Thanks
Not got much to say other than that wow you have been through a lot in life:( I wouldn't bother listening to what other people say, they are just putting you down and you don't need their negactivity! Go out there and prove them wrong and make something of yourself, that is the best way to shut people up (i should really take this advice myself)
Good luck with the future, i hope you have a better time of it than you have done, keep positive and things will start looking upRaven. :grinheart:grinheart:grinheart0 -
Not got much to say other than that wow you have been through a lot in life:( I wouldn't bother listening to what other people say, they are just putting you down and you don't need their negactivity! Go out there and prove them wrong and make something of yourself, that is the best way to shut people up (i should really take this advice myself
)
Good luck with the future, i hope you have a better time of it than you have done, keep positive and things will start looking up
Thank you0 -
Are you living with them?
You have been through alot in life and you certainly don't need them bringing you down which im sure is bringing you depression. Talk to them, tell them you won't be talk too with disrespect and like your nothing. If they won't learn- cut them off.
It may sound harsh, but I was in a similar situation with my aunt and uncle after my parents down and they were constantly comparing us and bringing me down.
Cutting them off was the best thing I EVER did. I would of never got the job I have today, never had the confidence I have today if I didn'tSociety always tramples down on those that are different. Abnormalities are smoothed over. I strive to be a wrinkle.0 -
Spottedleopard wrote: »Are you living with them?
You have been through alot in life and you certainly don't need them bringing you down which im sure is bringing you depression. Talk to them, tell them you won't be talk too with disrespect and like your nothing. If they won't learn- cut them off.
It may sound harsh, but I was in a similar situation with my aunt and uncle after my parents down and they were constantly comparing us and bringing me down.
Cutting them off was the best thing I EVER did. I would of never got the job I have today, never had the confidence I have today if I didn't
Yes, i am living with them, which is why it is harder to avoid, they did give me a roof over my head, when i had no where else to go, i am grateful for that.
I would move tomorrow but until i find myself a stable job, i am unable to do so.
I don't want to cut them off completely,they were there for me when i lost my partner and when i lost my home, i do love them, its just the negative comments and attitude i hate
Thanks for the advice0 -
Wow you've done so well, I'd have ended up screaming at them by now! You could say "yeah I know you're right, we have had a ridiculous amount of bad luck haven't we - [though your dad seems to have brought a bit of that on himself to be honest hun] - but I'm going to keep trying to change that 'cos it I don't, it'll never change" as breezily as you can, then change the subject before they can continue the negativity. Or go and phone a friend who will be positive and supportive
If you can manage that you're a better person than me - though I can already see that you are! Good luck! xx0 -
Wow you've done so well, I'd have ended up screaming at them by now! You could say "yeah I know you're right, we have had a ridiculous amount of bad luck haven't we - [though your dad seems to have brought a bit of that on himself to be honest hun] - but I'm going to keep trying to change that 'cos it I don't, it'll never change" as breezily as you can, then change the subject before they can continue the negativity. Or go and phone a friend who will be positive and supportive
If you can manage that you're a better person than me - though I can already see that you are! Good luck! xx
Thanks cat501 i will try x0 -
I think there are a lot of people like your family out there. I think a lot of people get into a negative mindset and sometimes don't even realise what they are doing. My mum is not as bad as your family, but I see similarities. You need to just develop a thick skin rather than trying to change them. I would also think of some comebacks. For example, if they comment on your comping hobby being a waste of time you could say, "You have to be in it to win it and besides, I enjoy entering competitions". Be annoying cheerful!
Do you have any positive people in your life that could become a sort of support group? I craft and I used to be a member of an online crafting community that was about becoming more creative and develping as a person. It was a real eye-opener to me as it was full of very positive people who have made huge changes in their lives. It made me realise that I had absorbed a lot of my mum's messages. I learnt a lot from watching how these women reacted to challenges and setbacks.0 -
:hello:
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann c.1920
Hope this help especially underlined
Good luck in everything you do0 -
Don't tell 'em OP.
My parents see the negative in everything and never offer congratulations so I simply don't tell them about stuff until it's too late e.g. "I've got a new job" and when they make a negative comment, I either ignore them or explain that I'm happy and that's what matters.
They'll only get to you if you let them and yes, my parents can be incredibly cutting and have been emotionally abusive to me for most of my life - stuff 'em.4.30: conduct pigeon orchestra...0 -
OP, I know where you're coming from. We decided to cut off all OH's family 18 months ago and it was the best thing we ever did. They are nasty, evil people who don't give a toss about anyone or anything other than themselves and TBH, I don't think Ive ever heard any of them be happy or positive about anything, its always negative and malicious!
I have 2 sayings on my wall laminated:UNTIL YOU LET GO OF ALL THE TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU'LL NEVER GROW INTO YOUR FULLEST POTENTIAL.
LET THEM GO, SO YOU CAN GROW!
THE OTHER ONE IS:
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO LIFT YOU HIGHER!
LIFE IS ALREADY FULL WITH THOSE WANTING TO BRING YOU DOWN!
We now live our life by these and although they're still there causing us grief all the time....we let them get on with it and realise how sad they all are and what sad lives they must live. We have only every helped all them financially and emotionally and have never asked for anything from any of them. They only ever take take take!
Hope that helps somewhat.
Chin up.
PP
xxTo repeat what others have said, requires education, to challenge it,requires brains!FEB GC/DIESEL £200/4 WEEKS0
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