Determined this is my last debt diary

clearmydebts

I will start on a good note. £800 has been paid off OH's Tesco credit card so that is another card gone :beer:

Now the rant. I logged onto OH's UK account and his cleared OD is back up to -£538. I have paid that off again so won't be able to touch my own OD or pay off anything else this month. He has also started being charged interest on his RBS card (£104) despite it being a 0% card until Aug 2013. I am presuming it is one of 2 things. He has started using it to pay for small things, or he hasn't paid the bill on time and it has reverted back to the usual %. Any advice please.

I am fuming. He started his new job in Dec and still hasn't sorted out his bank card here so basically I have to transfer all the money over to my account every month, give him my bank card everytime he wants money out and manage all the bills. I am actually that annoyed I don't even know what to say. When I logged into his UK account, as well as seeing the -£538 I also saw that he didn't cancel his TV licence DD. So I don't know how many months he has been paying for a TV licence in the UK

I just feel he is holding me back from ever getting forward. Imagine not even sorting out a bank card.

clearmydebts

Am very tempted to leave his debts to him and clear off our joint ones first, although his were smaller and I was trying to snowball

wendz86

Really sorry to hear about the problems you have been having with OH. You are trying to hard to pay everything off and doesn't sound like he is helping .

I think men sometimes just don't think. Have you spoke to him about it?

Ps well done on paying off the tesco card

clearmydebts

Thanks Wendz.

I have spoken to him over and over again about getting his affairs in order. I mean how hard is it to sort out a bank card???

He did his driving theory test 2 weeks ago and he still hasn't arranged an optician appointment. This is despite the fact he was working from home last friday and I was around on Sat and Sun and he could have done it any of the 3 days.

I am so sick of being the responsible one.

Dinah93

I hear you hon. Unfortunately I think it's a pattern many couples follow, I know NIM has been making an effort recently, but he can be really irresponsible when he doesn't think about it, it drives me batty that a grown man can't take responsibility for where things are, or get things done before they end up costing us money.

wendz86

Drives me mad with the fact I have to organise most things too. I am always having to 'nag' him about things which shouldn't really be the way it is.

Tete_en_l'Air

Hi CMD, I thought you sounded like something was up over on Dinah's thread. I think Wendz has hit the nail on the head when she says men don't think, and I'm sure that's all it is but it's still blimmin annoying.

I think you need to make it plain to him just how angry you are and how much pressure is put on you to be the responsible one all the time. I'm sure it's as simply that he just doesn't realise and you maybe need to shock him a bit.

I don't think you should say you'll leave him to sort his own debt because realistically, as long as you're married then his debt will affect you (mentally) whether your name's on it or not. You just need to make him realise how you feel and get him on side a bit - good luck and a virtual hug cos you sound like you need one xx

clearmydebts

Thanks ladies. You all speak wise words. It is just frustrating. I have been trying to get him to sell his drum kit for 17 months & he still hasn't done it. I don't know enough about it to list them but I remember taking the photos for them to be sold when Evie was a few days old. There are some things I can do but there are others that he needs to do, but 17 months later is ridiculous. I then I am told I am picking on him when I go on about it.

That drum kit could nearly pay off my OD

Birdie85

Sorry about the OH woes CMD Some people just don't think. I can be forgetful too so kind of sympathise with your OH as he's probably just forgetful and (innocently) thoughtless like I am but I *hate* that about myself and it really winds me up that I'm so rubbish so I've got buckets of sympathy for you too!

You must feel sick of being the one in charge, but it seems like in every relationship there is an organised person looking after the other and you may just have to embrace that in order to move forwards. Make a list for your OH (I'm thinking a big blackboard on the kitchen wall rather than a post-it!) with things that he needs to do, he may be offended/annoyed by it initially but at least it'll remind him to do things and there is always the wonderful feeling of a job well done when you get to mark things as finished!

17 months to sell a drum kit is crazy! It will take him all of 20 minutes to actually write the listing. Dig out the photos, get the listing ready to go with the bits you do know and sit him down tonight and make him finish it.

Tete_en_l'Air

Birdie85 wrote: »

17 months to sell a drum kit is crazy! It will take him all of 20 minutes to actually write the listing. Dig out the photos, get the listing ready to go with the bits you do know and sit him down tonight and make him finish it.

YES. Beccie posted something about procrastination on my thread last week: It takes 15 minutes to really engage with a task, so look at the clock, set a timer, whatever, and make yourself go at the task. 15 minutes later you'll either have finished it already, or you'll be well on your way and won't want to stop til you're done. I've put this into practice a lot and it really works