Nice people thread part 6 - thrice by twice as nice :)

Nikkster

lostinrates wrote: »

I would never, ever, ever have an affair, though have had open relationships. If you do end up with someone with history the important thing to realise is that they are not second hand, they are prewarmed.

I don't think I could cope with an open relationship...


Edit: but we all come with history/ baggage of one sort or another surely?

lostinrates

Brallaqueen wrote: »

*raises hand*

My sister thought had the 'second hand' mindset (single mum with a child) and it affected her happiness for years. Thankfully she got over it and is happily in a relationship with someone who has his own history.

Even lack of history carries a historical burden. I would have not minded, welcomed even, nice children and a civil ex. I know some people who become good friends with partners ex, and its great for the kids if that can happen.

I found a gold four poster on ebay. I really want a new bed.

lostinrates

Nikkster wrote: »

I don't think I could cope with an open relationship...

In retrospect, it was not ideal for me either, similarly i was not sure i would end up with a guy, but now i know i am in the right place for the me i turned out to be. I was in an open relationship when i met dh actually, and he and dh get on quite well. There weas a sort of ceremonial relinquishing of responsibility:D He is a really nice guy, but would have been a terrible husband, i would have been terribly unhappy and always looking over his shoulder. But on paper he was perfect.

Edit...of cpurse i suppose if i were typing from a more crowded bed now i sippose i would also have found that right at the time. In any case, iam lucky enough to be very happy.

Brallaqueen

Nikkster wrote: »

I don't think I could cope with an open relationship...


Edit: but we all come with history/ baggage of one sort or another surely?

I can;t manage one relationship, two or more at a time would make me blow a gasket!

re baggage-This is true but I think as history/baggage goes, a child is one of the harder ones to overcome and obvs women are more affected as they tend to be the main caregivers.

lostinrates wrote: »

Even lack of history carries a historical burden. I would have not minded, welcomed even, nice children and a civil ex. I know some people who become good friends with partners ex, and its great for the kids if that can happen.

I found a gold four poster on ebay. I really want a new bed.

You're a rare gem I think men, manly men have a bigger problem with it and it is tied into unspoken cultural attitudes like male ownership, number of sexual partners and rivalry. Someone will probably come along to explain deep seated primal urges etc.

lostinrates

Brallaqueen wrote: »

I can;t manage one relationship, two or more at a time would make me blow a gasket!

re baggage-This is true but I think as history/baggage goes, a child is one of the harder ones to overcome and obvs women are more affected as they tend to be the main caregivers.



You're a rare gem I think men, manly men have a bigger problem with it and it is tied into unspoken cultural attitudes like male ownership, number of sexual partners and rivalry. Someone will probably come along to explain deep seated primal urges etc.

Haha, my sibling is not my dad's, and i think he handled it better than my mother. To my neices he is their grandpapa, and there has been no question my entire life that we are equal. Very difficult at times because sibling was adult when i was born, so tough for me to them getting adult things, and for sibling to see me getting support when a teen and they felt in need of similar stuff and feeling i was getting more because of my keep too.

Also, becuse we were so very different and had such hugely different wants and life approaches, yet still a lot of sibling rivalry

silvercar

Nikkster wrote: »

Edit: but we all come with history/ baggage of one sort or another surely?

Unless you meet young and stay together.

lostinrates

silvercar wrote: »

Unless you meet young and stay together.

Did you meet at uni? I think someone did here, and seem to remember manchester.....

As you say, then there is the staying together issue, or one person feeling clipped wings.

Generally i am pleased dh and i met quite young, i think practically it gives one less time to get stuck in your own habits and find sharing easier....not just relationships. Flat sharing is good for he same thing i think.

Nikkster

silvercar wrote: »

Unless you meet young and stay together.

Even then plenty of people can bring baggage with them though? Eg family experiences. If I had met someone when I was young I would definitely already have 'issues'.

lostinrates

Nikkster wrote: »

Even then plenty of people can bring baggage with them though? Eg family experiences. If I had met someone when I was young I would definitely already have 'issues'.

This is so true. Its incredible how much of the stuff i am learning to laugh at is not from sexual relation ships but home ones. E.g. My parents got really cross if something got broken, so i tended to have tizzies if i broke something. Dh just says....its broken, you are not...its done. I am learning to not break my heart with a thing.

Dh has little crud. I honestly do not know how, his home life was loving but not easy by any means. He is my hero.

Nikkster

lostinrates wrote: »

This is so true. Its incredible how much of the stuff i am learning to laugh at is not from sexual relation ships but home ones. E.g. My parents got really cross if something got broken, so i tended to have tizzies if i broke something. Dh just says....its broken, you are not...its done. I am learning to not break my heart with a thing.

Dh has little crud. I honestly do not know how, his home life was loving but not easy by any means. He is my hero.

He sounds like a real gem. You seem to go together so well