What to do

daska

Does your phone work without a sim card? Does it have the facility to assign specific ring tones (e.g. silent) to individual numbers?

Lexxi

Noooo!!! I meant I wanted to throw my phone in the bin so that he couldn't contact me. I have to use the alarm settings on the phone. I have some self esteem and I definately know I don't need him for that! So many people have this number and I need a phone in case work need me to come in.
He's not been in touch since yesterdays apology anyway.

ETA. it took me so long to type that that you all got there befre me!

Lexxi

jetplane wrote: »

As for Disney endings have a look at the real endings to the original stories.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18589_7-classic-disney-movies-based-r-rated-stories.html

:eek: It actually took me a long while to realise Disney hadn't written the films themselves and had worked off other stories. I didn't realise they were so widly out though. I think you've just ruined the jungle book :rotfl:And I have about 4 Disney songs stuck in my head

Gingham_R wrote: »

I felt responsible for him, felt like it was my fault we were having problems and desperately wanted it to be like I'd imagined it would be.

This. I feel entirely responsible, for him not having any money for food and bills, for the way the situation has become, that he's having a hard time with us living apart, that I'm not what he wants otherwise the situation wouldn't be as it is. That I've created this situation by being attacked in the first place, I feel awful that he's hurting but I can't fix it, then wonder if it's me just being there that's making him this way, that I'm that awful he can't even speak to me, or ask about my day/week/job or if he does the answers are beneath him even listening.

I kind of think blocking is the way to go, or assigning tones. Can I block the text messages too? I don't think my phone works without a sim. I'm also a bit skint till the end of the month but I was going to get a travel alarm

jetplane

Lexxi wrote: »

:eek: It actually took me a long while to realise Disney hadn't written the films themselves and had worked off other stories. I didn't realise they were so widly out though. I think you've just ruined the jungle book :rotfl:And I have about 4 Disney songs stuck in my head

Unfortunately I thought quotes from the ending of the little mermaid was more befitting for your situation

The prince, finding this delightfully amusing, commands her to dance for him while she grins and bears the excruciating pain.

Instead of descending upon his sleeping body with an X-Acto knife, she instead chooses to believe in the power of love.

Unfortunately, this does the complete opposite of "work," and the mermaid dissolves.

Maybe the song in your head should be a whole new world just remember you don't need a man to take you there

londonsurrey

The 99p shop sells a pack of two alarm clocks for well, 99p .
They need a battery, but pack of those are also available for 99p.

I hope you can get to the stage where you felt
"entirely responsible, for him not having any money for food and bills, for the way the situation has become, that he's having a hard time with us living apart, that I'm not what he wants otherwise the situation wouldn't be as it is."

Otherwise, what is he, your stroppy teenage son? At the moment, he sounds worse that comedy teenage character called Kevin. He's a grown man, he shouldn't need someone else to look after him. Otherwise, he's not much of a catch and/or needs to be in sheltered accommodation?

Gingham_R

Emmzi wrote: »

This. I feel entirely responsible, for him not having any money for food and bills, for the way the situation has become, that he's having a hard time with us living apart, that I'm not what he wants otherwise the situation wouldn't be as it is. That I've created this situation by being attacked in the first place, I feel awful that he's hurting but I can't fix it, then wonder if it's me just being there that's making him this way, that I'm that awful he can't even speak to me, or ask about my day/week/job or if he does the answers are beneath him even listening.

I thought as much.

It's VERY hard to really know this is not true while you are in this situation.

You are NOT responsible for him or how he is. You did NOT create this situation. You are NOT an 'awful' person. He can't speak to you because of his own issues and they're NOT your fault.

You say you created this situation by being attacked in the first place. What do you mean? How can being attacked by your fault?

I understand. I really do. Now I'm away from it all I can see how mixed up my thoughts were. It was a very, very short time before I felt completely happy to be away from him. (That was 20 years ago and my husband has never once called me names or humiliated me.)

Lexxi

He finds it so easy to lie, at interviews, on applications when meeting people. Mostly little things. He's convincing though and charming with it. I'm driving myself crazy going on his facebook but he's deleted comments from people recently, that were posted a while ago, that he knew I had a problem with, he's not mentioned that he was doing it and I think it looks even worse on him. Why hide things if you have nothing to hide? There's another comment from a while ago, I don't remember her posting it but she's like hinting that they have a history and he's adament that they don't, I don't particulary believe him as he likes to tell me how many women he's slept with when we argue and how easy it was for him to pull.
I've upset myself going back on his facebook and I really want to retaliate. I want answers too.
I've heard nothing from him since his apology, which is upsetting me and making me angry. It tells me he was shrugging as he said it as he doesn't care whether I accept it or not.

The more I think about it the more I agree with The Little Mermaid quote posted by Jetplane.

I want to email him so I can point out how hurtful and despicable what he has said is but I'm exhausted with it, if I did then what? He'd apologise for it all, tell me where I'm going wrong and we'd have this tense truce until the next time we fall out and he says the same things again.
My phone is due to be cut off shotrly as I've not paid the bill so I'll have an alarm clock but won't be able to text or phone anyone.

This is a really stupid question and I can hear how shocked you're going to be me asking but what do I do about his bills? I'm paying 4 bills that come in about £70 a month in total. Two are essentials two are debts. The debts are probably the smallest debts we had so I could have paid them off.
I don't want him to struggle and I don't wish for him to lose the house or anything. I just wish he loved me and respected me, that I held some worth in his eyes.

Emmzi

are any of the things you are paying in your name or joint names?

if his name alone, it is very simple.

tell us what the 2 essentials are, and how the accounts are structured.

part of you being strong and free is having control of your own money.

balletshoes

Lexxi wrote: »

He finds it so easy to lie, at interviews, on applications when meeting people. Mostly little things. He's convincing though and charming with it. I'm driving myself crazy going on his facebook but he's deleted comments from people recently, that were posted a while ago, that he knew I had a problem with, he's not mentioned that he was doing it and I think it looks even worse on him. Why hide things if you have nothing to hide? There's another comment from a while ago, I don't remember her posting it but she's like hinting that they have a history and he's adament that they don't, I don't particulary believe him as he likes to tell me how many women he's slept with when we argue and how easy it was for him to pull.
I've upset myself going back on his facebook and I really want to retaliate. I want answers too.
I've heard nothing from him since his apology, which is upsetting me and making me angry. It tells me he was shrugging as he said it as he doesn't care whether I accept it or not.

The more I think about it the more I agree with The Little Mermaid quote posted by Jetplane.

I want to email him so I can point out how hurtful and despicable what he has said is but I'm exhausted with it, if I did then what? He'd apologise for it all, tell me where I'm going wrong and we'd have this tense truce until the next time we fall out and he says the same things again.
My phone is due to be cut off shotrly as I've not paid the bill so I'll have an alarm clock but won't be able to text or phone anyone.

This is a really stupid question and I can hear how shocked you're going to be me asking but what do I do about his bills? I'm paying 4 bills that come in about £70 a month in total. Two are essentials two are debts. The debts are probably the smallest debts we had so I could have paid them off.
I don't want him to struggle and I don't wish for him to lose the house or anything. I just wish he loved me and respected me, that I held some worth in his eyes.

so, its okay for you to have your phone cut off because you can't afford to pay that bill, but its not okay for your (well I don't know what he is to be honest, he's not really a partner at the moment is he?) to have bills that he's liable for?

paying these bills up til now hasn't got you his respect or "worth in his eyes" so stop paying them. Now. Tell him you're not able to pay them anymore. End of. You will snap if you try to stretch yourself too far in your attempt to make him value you when he just doesn't give a monkeys.

Look after you - if that takes 6 weeks, 6 months, or 6 years (or longer) thats okay. Its not okay for your bf to pressure you and not give you any help or support.

Lexxi

I'd not actually thought of it like that balletshoes. The bills are the TV and the car insurance. When I left it was with the intention of sorting things out then going back so the TV licence was left as they make you pay double for the first 6 months and they're really funny about giving you a refund so it's probably not that essential. Car insurance is but the money goes into his account so I wouldn't even know if it got paid. The debts are his name alone. There is one that is joint and another few that are in my name. I closed the gas and elec last week and the gas actually asked me if I got the meter reading right as it was so high so I'm very worried about the bill.

I don't know why I want to worry about him and his situation, he's not worried about me and mine.