Being a minister's wife

RAS

lostinrates wrote: »

If god had called this man to preach then who am i to question that?

I do not do God; I happen to think that the teachings of the Nazarene form an excellent backbone upon which to build an ethical and moral framework however, and individual lessons flash up frequently when I am considering or responding to situations.

I respect that others have different beliefs and still find it difficult to understand how anyone who believes in God cannot accept those things on this planet that that they do not like personally. If God created everything then farts, masturbation, same sex love, plague, tornados, earthquake, brutality, war and pestilence are part of His creation.

If you point to the Old Testament, I have to point to the fact that those were not the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth.

lostinrates

RAS wrote: »

I do not do God; I happen to think that the teachings of the Nazarene form an excellent backbone upon which to build an ethical and moral framework however, and individual lessons flash up frequently when I am considering or responding to situations.

I respect that others have different beliefs and still find it difficult to understand how anyone who believes in God cannot accept those things on this planet that that they do not like personally. If God created everything then farts, masturbation, same sex love, plague, tornados, earthquake, brutality, war and pestilence are part of His creation.

If you point to the Old Testament, I have to point to the fact that those were not the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth.

That is pretty much how i feel about how I feel, i respect and value what i was taught, but i cannot believe in that God. That does not mean i don't want to, nor that i believe in nothing. But so much of what the bibile, and i include the old testament...is beautiful, just such a avaluble launch for developing a personal philoshophy and I agree, What ever Jesus was he was a wise man. And pretty well knew the OT I believe.

In anycase, i will not be posting more on this thread, I really hope it has been valuable to op and her husband.

I have been singing hymns all day so i have benefitted from it.:D

scottishlass72

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I have rarely been as angry and upset on MSE as when I read that. I had to resist the instinct to reply immediately out of anger. I really don't understand how you could say such a hurtful thing.

Torry Quine, I am so sorry that you were hurt by something that was said to you in this thread. You were so kind to me in your responses even though I knew you disagreed with me, and although I don't understand exactly what was said to you, I feel terrible that it was hurtful. The last thing any of us need is more misunderstanding and hurt thrown at each other either by atheists or Christians or anyone else. We have a lot of common ground even though our beliefs are not the same, and I think it's to our benefit to focus on that rather than those areas where we disagree.

I have respect for your beliefs and if you say it wouldn't be right for you to share your life with a non-believer then I think you have every right to feel that way. My husband and I know that being together is right for us and my husband believes God brought us together for whatever mysterious reason He may have.

For anyone who wouldn't believe a word my husband says as a minister because he's married to a non-believer ... I say that's great. I don't think anyone should believe everything anyone else says unquestioningly but rather should think critically about it and make sure it's something they believe is right. Otherwise when people believe a charismatic leader without questioning them we run into the problem of "groupthink" and all its associated dangers.

On a more personal note, tonight my husband and I went out for a quick drink after work to discuss the answers I received here and to make sure we were still on the same page about everything. When I said earlier that I had learned something from every single post, that's because I think the range of responses given here will reflect the range of responses within whatever parish we end up in, assuming my husband makes it through the selection process. It's great to know that we'll have the support of many, and it's also very helpful to know what peoples' objections are likely to be.

When it comes to people objecting to his appointment or to any of my beliefs and behaviors, we will just have to accept that it's impossible to please everyone. While it's sad that some people may disapprove to the extent that they will stop coming to church, I'm also hopeful that the open-minded and accepting attitude he would bring to the parish would allow more of a dialog among people of all faiths and non-believers as well.

I think in this modern age we all cry out for community and a sense of belonging that doesn't revolve around commercial interests. It seems sad to me that a prerequisite to that would be believing in an "imaginary friend" in the sky as one poster put it! If the church could offer that sense of community to a greater variety of people then all the better, although those that leave would certainly be missed I'm sure.

As for me, I've decided that the best way forward if my husband becomes a minister would be to stay in the background as much as possible, at least at first, until he's gotten used to his new role. He's agreed that he would try for his first charge in a city where I'd stand a better chance of retaining some anonymity, and I wouldn't jump in to volunteer for church functions. I have no interest in leading a womens' guild but there are a lot of things I could eventually see myself doing, such as helping the church become an "eco-congregation" and a fair-trade church, helping LGBT teens find themselves and feel comfortable with themselves. By the way that has nothing to do with dating in the pews - if you wouldn't think that about presumably straight teens in a youth group then why think it about LGBT teens? As far as chastity goes, great, lets encourage it, but since we all know how good teens are at doing what they're told (NOT!) then maybe providing condoms too would be a good idea!

Anyway, on a less controversial note, I don't mind answering the phone a lot, having people 'round to the manse, and having my husband spending a lot of time outside the house at odd hours. Perhaps because we married later in life we're both very independent and I would be able to occupy myself when he's busy just fine. And for those that say he would have to put God first before me, I just don't find it useful to think of things in terms of rankings. It doesn't matter to me whether I'm first or somewhere in the middle among his children, his parents, or his God. What matters is that I know and believe he will be there for me when I need him and vice versa. That's good enough for us.

So if anyone has read this far, thank you for that, and thanks again to all who responded. I can't tell you how much this has helped us and how much I appreciate you taking the time to help a stranger. Thank you again.

Torry_Quine

peachyprice wrote: »

Why should he need to convince her? Infact why should he need to convince anyone? Is that really part of his job, to convert non-believers? There was I thinking it was to offer guidance to his congregation not disrespect those who chose not to believe by attempting to convince them.

In fact no church leader I've ever met has felt the need to convert anyone, they have faith that God will show them the way.

I really hope that this is tongue-in-cheek.

Of course one of the things all Christians and especially leaders are called to is evangelism. That doesn't mean disrespecting another person's beliefs though.

balletshoes

pinkclouds wrote: »

It's not his fault that you're an atheist but, in my opinion, it doesn't make him a very convincing church leader if he can't convince his nearest and dearest. I'm being honest when I say that it's not the sort of guidance I'm looking for.

do you go to church to be converted or convinced? Don't you already have the belief/faith, or at least want to believe/have faith, if you're seeking guidance from a church leader?

I'm struggling with the idea that anyone who doesn't believe/doesn't want to believe, would be approaching a church leader for guidance in their beliefs?

So what difference should it make to the members of the congregation in their beliefs that the church leader's wife doesn't believe the same thing? If the wife isn't expected to lead prayers etc, what difference does it make?

Torry_Quine

scottishlass72 wrote: »

Torry Quine, I am so sorry that you were hurt by something that was said to you in this thread. You were so kind to me in your responses even though I knew you disagreed with me, and although I don't understand exactly what was said to you, I feel terrible that it was hurtful. The last thing any of us need is more misunderstanding and hurt thrown at each other either by atheists or Christians or anyone else. We have a lot of common ground even though our beliefs are not the same, and I think it's to our benefit to focus on that rather than those areas where we disagree.

Thanks for your kind words.

I have respect for your beliefs and if you say it wouldn't be right for you to share your life with a non-believer then I think you have every right to feel that way. My husband and I know that being together is right for us and my husband believes God brought us together for whatever mysterious reason He may have.

For anyone who wouldn't believe a word my husband says as a minister because he's married to a non-believer ... I say that's great. I don't think anyone should believe everything anyone else says unquestioningly but rather should think critically about it and make sure it's something they believe is right. Otherwise when people believe a charismatic leader without questioning them we run into the problem of "groupthink" and all its associated dangers.

Good point. I have disagreed with church leaders and think that unless it becomes a regular thing there is no problem.

On a more personal note, tonight my husband and I went out for a quick drink after work to discuss the answers I received here and to make sure we were still on the same page about everything. When I said earlier that I had learned something from every single post, that's because I think the range of responses given here will reflect the range of responses within whatever parish we end up in, assuming my husband makes it through the selection process. It's great to know that we'll have the support of many, and it's also very helpful to know what peoples' objections are likely to be.

When it comes to people objecting to his appointment or to any of my beliefs and behaviors, we will just have to accept that it's impossible to please everyone. While it's sad that some people may disapprove to the extent that they will stop coming to church, I'm also hopeful that the open-minded and accepting attitude he would bring to the parish would allow more of a dialog among people of all faiths and non-believers as well.

I think in this modern age we all cry out for community and a sense of belonging that doesn't revolve around commercial interests. It seems sad to me that a prerequisite to that would be believing in an "imaginary friend" in the sky as one poster put it! If the church could offer that sense of community to a greater variety of people then all the better, although those that leave would certainly be missed I'm sure.

A sense of belonging is very important and church can certainly be somewhere for people to experience that.

As for me, I've decided that the best way forward if my husband becomes a minister would be to stay in the background as much as possible, at least at first, until he's gotten used to his new role. He's agreed that he would try for his first charge in a city where I'd stand a better chance of retaining some anonymity, and I wouldn't jump in to volunteer for church functions. I have no interest in leading a womens' guild but there are a lot of things I could eventually see myself doing, such as helping the church become an "eco-congregation" and a fair-trade church, helping LGBT teens find themselves and feel comfortable with themselves. By the way that has nothing to do with dating in the pews - if you wouldn't think that about presumably straight teens in a youth group then why think it about LGBT teens? As far as chastity goes, great, lets encourage it, but since we all know how good teens are at doing what they're told (NOT!) then maybe providing condoms too would be a good idea!

Anyway, on a less controversial note, I don't mind answering the phone a lot, having people 'round to the manse, and having my husband spending a lot of time outside the house at odd hours. Perhaps because we married later in life we're both very independent and I would be able to occupy myself when he's busy just fine. And for those that say he would have to put God first before me, I just don't find it useful to think of things in terms of rankings. It doesn't matter to me whether I'm first or somewhere in the middle among his children, his parents, or his God. What matters is that I know and believe he will be there for me when I need him and vice versa. That's good enough for us.

You seem to be very understanding here of the demands that would be put upon him.

So if anyone has read this far, thank you for that, and thanks again to all who responded. I can't tell you how much this has helped us and how much I appreciate you taking the time to help a stranger. Thank you again.

Glad to help.

lostinrates

scottishlass72 wrote: »

Torry Quine, I am so sorry that you were hurt by something that was said to you in this thread. You were so kind to me in your responses even though I knew you disagreed with me, and although I don't understand exactly what was said to you, I feel terrible that it was hurtful. The last thing any of us need is more misunderstanding and hurt thrown at each other either by atheists or Christians or anyone else. We have a lot of common ground even though our beliefs are not the same, and I think it's to our benefit to focus on that rather than those areas where we disagree.

I have respect for your beliefs and if you say it wouldn't be right for you to share your life with a non-believer then I think you have every right to feel that way. My husband and I know that being together is right for us and my husband believes God brought us together for whatever mysterious reason He may have.

For anyone who wouldn't believe a word my husband says as a minister because he's married to a non-believer ... I say that's great. I don't think anyone should believe everything anyone else says unquestioningly but rather should think critically about it and make sure it's something they believe is right. Otherwise when people believe a charismatic leader without questioning them we run into the problem of "groupthink" and all its associated dangers.

On a more personal note, tonight my husband and I went out for a quick drink after work to discuss the answers I received here and to make sure we were still on the same page about everything. When I said earlier that I had learned something from every single post, that's because I think the range of responses given here will reflect the range of responses within whatever parish we end up in, assuming my husband makes it through the selection process. It's great to know that we'll have the support of many, and it's also very helpful to know what peoples' objections are likely to be.

When it comes to people objecting to his appointment or to any of my beliefs and behaviors, we will just have to accept that it's impossible to please everyone. While it's sad that some people may disapprove to the extent that they will stop coming to church, I'm also hopeful that the open-minded and accepting attitude he would bring to the parish would allow more of a dialog among people of all faiths and non-believers as well.

I think in this modern age we all cry out for community and a sense of belonging that doesn't revolve around commercial interests. It seems sad to me that a prerequisite to that would be believing in an "imaginary friend" in the sky as one poster put it! If the church could offer that sense of community to a greater variety of people then all the better, although those that leave would certainly be missed I'm sure.

As for me, I've decided that the best way forward if my husband becomes a minister would be to stay in the background as much as possible, at least at first, until he's gotten used to his new role. He's agreed that he would try for his first charge in a city where I'd stand a better chance of retaining some anonymity, and I wouldn't jump in to volunteer for church functions. I have no interest in leading a womens' guild but there are a lot of things I could eventually see myself doing, such as helping the church become an "eco-congregation" and a fair-trade church, helping LGBT teens find themselves and feel comfortable with themselves. By the way that has nothing to do with dating in the pews - if you wouldn't think that about presumably straight teens in a youth group then why think it about LGBT teens? As far as chastity goes, great, lets encourage it, but since we all know how good teens are at doing what they're told (NOT!) then maybe providing condoms too would be a good idea!

Anyway, on a less controversial note, I don't mind answering the phone a lot, having people 'round to the manse, and having my husband spending a lot of time outside the house at odd hours. Perhaps because we married later in life we're both very independent and I would be able to occupy myself when he's busy just fine. And for those that say he would have to put God first before me, I just don't find it useful to think of things in terms of rankings. It doesn't matter to me whether I'm first or somewhere in the middle among his children, his parents, or his God. What matters is that I know and believe he will be there for me when I need him and vice versa. That's good enough for us.

So if anyone has read this far, thank you for that, and thanks again to all who responded. I can't tell you how much this has helped us and how much I appreciate you taking the time to help a stranger. Thank you again.

Well, i was not going to reply again, but you know, i think any community, church or otherwise, would benefit from so thoughtful and considered a person as you.

MandM90

Scottishlass, you sound wise and pretty wonderful. I think you and your husband will do a lot of good, regardless of how you do it.

peachyprice

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I really hope that this is tongue-in-cheek.

Of course one of the things all Christians and especially leaders are called to is evangelism. That doesn't mean disrespecting another person's beliefs though.

No it most certainly isn't tongue in cheek.

It's this arrogant attitude that agnostics/atheists need to be convinced that they are wrong that gives religion a bad name.

An atheist is as passionate about their own beliefs as a Christian is their. Would you not find it disrespectful if an atheist belittled your beliefs and was insisitent that you needed convincing that your beliefs were wrong?

Brighton_belle

lostinrates wrote: »

Well, i was not going to reply again, but you know, i think any community, church or otherwise, would benefit from so thoughtful and considered a person as you.

My sentiments exactly Lostinrates.