Asking about getting a dog resulting in eviction

Eve4ever

Hi Op

I have just read this entire thread with growing horror. To me it sounds as though you have been on the receiving end of an abusive relationship for years. They are truly a sick pair of individuals who seem to get their kicks by putting you down, abusing you and controlling you.

I think you are probably suffering from depression (if you have gone through years of this s**t and not developed it, you are a better woman than I). I would go and see your GP and see if they can help you get to a stronger place, physically and mentally.

I think your longing for a dog is a symptom of this and I'm concerned that you are focusing on trying to find a way to have the dog, when in fact what you really need to put your energy into is ending this abusive situation.

You have been given some really good practical advice here and if you don't feel strong enough to put it into practice by yourself, please ask one of the organisations such as CAB or Shelter for some support. I would get start researching other properties asap, not necessarily with a view to moving right now but to help you to start visualizing a new future for yourself. You never know, there could be another windmill out there with your name on it but you won't see it unless you look.

Do you really think these sick individuals will ever give you your deposit back? How many month's rent is it equivalent to? If you can get around the reference situation (perhaps by being upfront with new landlord) then maybe you can leave before your tenancy is up and forego the deposit? Just an idea, I don't know legally where you would stand by doing that.

Anyway, I really hope things improve for you, your situation is heart wrenching.

Take care x

GotToChange

Thank you Eve - you are very insightful (and thank you for reading the whole thread).

Yes, I "probably" am depressed, and my circumstances (and past, which I cannot shake off - lamented interminably elsewhere on this forum....) very much feed into that. As Mrs LL said "You've got problems, yes you have, a lot of problems - but I don't want to know about them, I've got enough of my own". Now, this is NOT because she does actually know so much about me/my life blah blah, but it was rather one of those all-encompassing putdowns that is meant to make you feel lower than a snake's belly, coupled with assumptions that they make because they live right next door *sigh*
(I seriously do not know what I do to people to deserve this.)

I know (as do they, I suppose) that I am pretty entrenched (not to say "stuck") here - and, them/neighbourhood aside - if I am to attempt to be grateful for small things - I do love some aspects of this property (the way I have made it....) and the outlook into the back (when they aren't around; I feel quite the opposite when they are/BP shoots up I'm sure).

I am actually (finally, having waited nearly a year) seeing a Cognitive Analytical Therapist as my "problems" are deemed both too complex for general counselling and too relationship-based for CBT. It is all the background stuff which I am still haunted by; it is not anything LLs know about (apart from they know (I think) that hardly anyone ever visits and to all intents and purposes, I have no family), but they have judged me over the years, rather than been one the one hand, friendly - or on the other, clearly business-like- just some muddy middle-ground that has resulted in this.

One thing that LL said in the "meeting" was that, had I moved out at some point, a new TA would have stipulated - no pets, smokers or children. And he freely admitted that it is because he wants to control who lives next door to him.I think it is sad that he would want to legislate live events and emotion-based choices (but, yes I do understand) - but, I really did think that, after all this time and how well they knew me (in as much as they would need to for this purpose) he would "allow" the dog.

Yes, wrong focus, I know. I had - unwisely - put a lot of thought into it before taking official steps (as, it turns out, in the wrong order...), so, to me, it was a question of "when" it would be happening - up to a point - and had I thought it through, pros/cons/practicalities etc, properly. I am not doing so well at pushing this to the back of my mind, let alone aside altogether.

Anyway - Shelter. Yes, very useful so far. And I am just about to make a couple of calls as it looks as though Social Housing is my only (if any) route at this point in time and as I don't think I will get my deposit back (as, if I am able, I will be cutting short the tenancy, not them), there will be issues with references too.

A mess.


ETA; Aside - I hope LL doesn't read The New York Times (bet he doesn't now it's subscription) as there was an article yesterday about a war veteran with PTSD and an assistance dog who is likely to be required to SELL his property (Coney Island) due to the rules of the co-op (not sure what they are really) as they don't believe (I may be mis-remembering) that he has PTSD or that the dog helps him any way.

Bufger

Whenever somebody tries to purposfully put me down I imagine what a sad life they must have behind closed doors by having to get a boost out of other peoples misery.

Whilst they're sitting there watching deal or no deal waiting in the departure lounge of life you can revel in the fact that you wont always know them and they'll only be a small glitch in your life. Force yourself to be happy, to look forwards and upwards and you'll leave all the !!!!!! control freaks behind

GotToChange

Thanks Bufger.

But I rather think that they think that I am the one with the sad life, Mrs LL's parting shot was;
"You need to get out more"....
pause....
"oh, I suppose the ... dog was .....going to help with that........."

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Bad neighbours and bad landlords are a blight on life. Bad neighbours who are also your landlords are a fatal combination. No matter how comfortable the property it is surely not worth all this.

OP, you need to tell yourself that you're actually in quite a strong position compared to a lot of people. Homeowners who have nightmare neighbours have to grit their teeth and endure, or try and sell without revealing the problem. Tenants can escape at the end of their AST. The end is clearly in sight for you.

I cannot see how the attitude of this couple (clearly manipulative and abusive) is going to improve. You have until January to calmly research options for moving. Plenty of time to save up, declutter (very good for mental wellbeing), check out other locations and consider your priorities.

The LLs may be aggressive and intimidating, but their stance is mainly bluster. Yes they could sell your house and make a profit, but then they take the risk of new, difficult neighbours whose lives they can't control. Or they could try and let it again, but how many new tenants are going to accept nonsense like paying in cash and clauses saying access at all times?

With thorough knowledge of the law and moral support (online here, but I hope you have some strong-minded friends) you have the upper hand.

Bufger

GotToChange wrote: »

Thanks Bufger.

But I rather think that they think that I am the one with the sad life, Mrs LL's parting shot was;
"You need to get out more"....
pause....
"oh, I suppose the ... dog was .....going to help with that........."

Yes and thats a way to control you. They're putting you down because you wont fight back. You're an easy target for them, if they said half of the things to others then they'd be put on their !!!!.

I know its easy to say rather than do but dont be the easy target, do something unexpected and look forwards and get on with things. by the tone of your posts you need to change your outlook on life, seek help and get motivation and then you'll start to find happiness again.

Harsh words but: playing the part of the victim will only get you one role

GotToChange

Thank you Jelly (cannot prefix with vile....); as I read your post, I felt myself becoming calmer, even though I know the essence of your advice, it is so much better when offered so kindly.

My life inventory is progressing, although so far just in a notebook rather than into Excel (luddite, I know); as I write it, the temptation to pack the minimum and "just walk" arises. I see myself as Sarah Connor at the end of Terminator as she set off into the unknown in her jeep (with a dog) .

You are of course right about how much more difficult it would be as a homeowner (I once was one) and I am "lucky" that I can move without some of the issues they may have. I really do hope that after I have gone, they end up with the tenants/neighbours from hell.

GotToChange

Bufger wrote: »

Yes and thats a way to control you. They're putting you down because you wont fight back. You're an easy target for them, if they said half of the things to others then they'd be put on their !!!!.

I know its easy to say rather than do but dont be the easy target, do something unexpected and look forwards and get on with things. by the tone of your posts you need to change your outlook on life, seek help and get motivation and then you'll start to find happiness again.

Harsh words but: playing the part of the victim will only get you one role

So true.
The fact is that I am in a "vulnerable" position and they know it. Equally though, I don't appear to be a vulnerable person.... I suppose. Sometimes it's a case of (mistaken) tall poppy syndrome - and sometimes people are just gits to other people (usually from their own safe position....).

You are correct in your view about changing my outlook; this has worn me down a little, hence self-pity/wallowing. I don't have much back-up and never have had, people can capitalise on that and at the same time tell you you are a loser because you don't; a nasty vicious circle that cannot be broken if people don't have the self-awareness to know what they are doing. Or they don't care.

I have made some enquiries - and maybe social housing/housing association won't be so bad. Secure tenancy, no bond required - and (mostly) dogs allowed.



(Yes, I know; grow up....
....One day, I will.)

Mrs_Arcanum

Knowing & being sure of your rights in this situation will help you deal with illegal off the cuff remarks by your LL.

Hopefully with Shelters help & information you can rise above their childish sniping.

GotToChange

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

Knowing & being sure of your rights in this situation will help you deal with illegal off the cuff remarks by your LL.

Hopefully with Shelters help & information you can rise above their childish sniping.

Very true.

Looking into other properties and researching the law is a great help for my shattered confidence.

I had recently asked if they would (as retired professionals) authenticate copies of my documents for the OU - so (taking a deep breath) I rang next door to mention it (yes, even after all that has been said - I am not sure if this means I am "the bigger person" or so dumb that I have let everything go as far as they know....) and got MrsLL and she proceeded to moan at me about how "this" is all making her so miserable and she just wants "everyone to be happy" and she got up this morning at odds with the world. But she must go as off to quilting class so couldn't talk to me right now.
Um. OK.