How much time does your baby spend with other people?

NBirdy

My first child didn't get left with anyone before she was 6m old, it was always just me or DH (mostly me due to breastfeeding etc). I don't think we were apart in all that time, and after that I would just leave her with either my mum or MIL for an hour or so, building up to them having her for 2 mornings a week each when I went back to work when DD was 1. Even then both of them travelled to our home to look after DD rather than her go to their house, and they never took her out in the car (I'm weirdly very nervous of others driving my kids!). And the only night I've spent apart from DD (she's now 5) was the night her sister was born.

MIL was fab, respected whatever routine we had and always did things our way even if it wasn't the way she'd have done it IYSWIM? My own mum is a bit of a nightmare and just does what she thinks is right, even when I've expressly asked her not to.

DD2 used to go to my mums every Friday night right from a few months old just to give me a bit of a break - amazing how much more relaxed you are with subsequent children lol!

ikkle87

When my jellybean is born I will no doubt spend a lot of time with family but the only people who is trust to babysit would be a grandparent and one of my aunts. Even then it will no doubt only be for an hour or two max. I don't trust my mum to babysit because she smokes around me whilst I'm pregnant so I expect she will smoke around the baby too.

skintchick

Do what feels right to you.

My DD was also exclusively breastfed (for six months) and continued to breastfeed. So for me, leaving her was not an option for a very long time. OH and I went out for a few hours on our wedding anniversary when she was 11 months old, but only while she was asleep and I knew she would stay asleep for that period. I never left her before then.

In fact, she wouldn;t let me! I had to take her to the loo, everywhere, for months, long past 6 months. She's very outgoing and sociable now and has been for a while. Just every clingy as a baby.

Grandparents always are desperate to get their hands on their grandchildren, but it is YOUR decision and if you feel that either you or your baby aren;t ready, then don't do it.

It can be especially hard for parents and in-laws who formula-fed to understand the breastfeeding relationship. My in-laws FF and didn;t 'get' why I wouldn;t leave DD whereas my mum breastfed me for 5 months and totally got it.

Explain your position kindly but firmly, leaving no room for doubt, manipulaation or manoeuvre.

Tina20

My 6 month old baby has a day with my mum and dad (11-5pm) roughly once a fortnight.

She's never with anyone else, and I do not want her going with anyone else at all. SIL keeps trying to take her away but I would NEVER let her take my baby (she's a total drunkard, terrible mother, fobs her child off on everyone else, chav etc etc)

My mother in law seems to think kids should be farmed out to everyone. All my partners childhood memories are with grandma/gran/aunty S/Aunty J/Uncle p/Grandad etc. He never talks about time with his parents. Because he never spent time with them.
His mum says it's really good for kids... I want my baby to be raised by her parents, not the world and his wife.
Thats why SIL farms her wee boy out to everyone too, because her mum encourages it.

One time I was staying with MIL, SIL's wee boy was round on the thursday, spent the night. Got picked up by SIL's friend and stayed the night at hers, then got dropped off back at MILs. Then picked up by FIL and taken for two nights, then back to MIL's. then picked up by his biological dad, before being passed back to his mum. Over a week he was passed around 5 years old. Poor boy still poos his pants (I wonder why)

snookey

It sounds as if your mum just wants to help. Take the offer up.

psychopathbabble

I don't have children but I think it just sounds like your mum is trying to help and probably wants you to know that she is willing to help if you are struggling at any point, not trying to take over at all

jenhug

If you are happy, and your baby is happy, then you obviously have the balance just right.

MummyOfTwo

id say just start slow and let them build a relationship. its very nice to have the option of a little me time now and again, or even just the liberty to book a haircut or dental appointment!

my daughter had a sleepover once a week with her nan from four months old and they are very close now. she adores her paternal nan and its a lovely relationship they have, i had her very young and at that time i also needed the break, in all honesty. my son however (who does not a share the same father) was just always with us. both our mums live a very long way away. when my son was almost two he started building up his time with my dad, and they are absolute bestest buddies now. he will regularly have his sleepovers, and goes for his tea at least once a week if not more.

i think its very good for them to build those little branches into family, and its good for their social skills too.

GobbledyGook

It entirely depends on your circumstances. My girls regularly spent time with my PIL, my cousin and my Nana, especially my PIL they stayed there one night a week from a young age.

Due to circumstances the only person who has ever had my son overnight other than me is my ex-husband.


In my opinion it's healthy for children to stay with relatives and become comfortable and see it as entirely normal to spend nights/time with them. But only when everyone is comfortable with it - especially you.

Make-it-3

Prior to my daughter starting nursery at age one there were just 3 occasions when she wasn't with either me on my OH. Twice my mum looked after her for an hour while I had dental appointments - these didn't go well my mum isn't good with her. I didn't realise until I had her that my mum isn't good with other people's kids.

And once a trusted mum friend babysat in the evening when OH & I went out for our anniversary and even then it was just for a few hours when she was already tucked up in bed.

It is hard if you have a really strong connection with your child and also set ideas about how you want them looked after to let them go to anyone else. I think as long as you are fine with things at that young age the bond with the parents is the most important thing anyway. There is plenty of time for them to discover their independence and build relationships with other people in their lives.