How much time does your baby spend with other people?

Blue_Monkey

Just curious really...

DD is 5 months and I'm on maternity leave so have her 99% of the time.

I just called my mum to ask if she'd babysit for me for a couple of hours tomorrow afternoon and she's happy to help... But she also said that she thinks it will do me good to let someone else "manage" DD for a little while so I can "take a step back".

Now I have a few thoughts running round in my head and just thought I'd see how much time other people get "babysitters"?

Some friends' tiny babies stay with their grandparents on a regular basis... This has never been something OH and I have felt we've needed to do (not that there's anything wrong with it). So I guess I'm wondering what the norm is?!

My mum has had DD for a few hours here and there so far in her short little life, but only once has she had her for a full day (from late morning until midnight as we were out). OH takes DD out on Saturday and Sunday mornings so I get a few hours "off" then, so this is when I do step back and go to the gym, have a lie-in, do some housework....

I'm thinking that mum thinks I'm a control freak when it comes to DD but I also know she is dying to get her hands on her / have her to herself too so am semi-wondering whether that was her intention (ie to make me question my control freakness)! I'm feeling a bit riled that she's said this and wondering whether I do need to hand DD over to other people more often (even though I don't feel the need to) or whether it's my mum trying to secure more time with her! Or maybe I'm just being touchy and should heed mum's advice?!?

Perhaps I should also add that DD is exclusively breastfed and not good at napping during the day and I don't get much time to express plus she's often overtired, so handing her over to someone else can be a logistical headache and makes me wince when over-excited grandparents get all "up in her face" and then wonder why she's not smiling for them... :cool:

moneypuddle

My baby isn't due for another 4.5 months, so take what i say with a pinch of salt, but my mum is the only person I can see myself leaving ours with for at least the 6 months

moneypuddle

Did that make sense? I dont mean leave the baby with her for 6 months (clearly haha!) - maybe for a day at a time, or a night at a time, but my mum also works full time so might not be able to anyway

Gillyx

My bubs is 15 and a half weeks and has been left with my Dad once, for 90 minutes while I went out for a quick bite to eat. Apart from that he's never been left and I don't want to leave him with anyone really

I live hundreds of miles away from my family though, I only have my in-laws near by and being honest I don't trust them to respect my wishes with my LO.

Although the other day my MIL came in, and she lifted my baby up and he started to cry until I took him again, which made me feel a bit guilty because I don't want him to be clingy to me and scared of others, but then she started moaning about how we don't visit enough (we live 40 minutes away by car and we don't have one!) and how he was becoming "strange" so that just made me mad.

So many things we do she doesn't agree with which I know if I had to leave him there it'd all be done her way. Teething anklet being the main one. When we used to swaddle him, (he wouldn't sleep any other way) she'd untie him if giving him a cuddle before bed and use the excuse "oh he's hard to hold like that" when I know it's just because she doesn't like it. Anti-bac sprays we can't use, we've to clean with vinegar and water, because that will kill all the germs.

So yes in answer to your question, nothing wrong with what you're doing imo. xx

Edit: the all up in there face thing, does my head in too, especially when they're about to go for a nap or to sleep! People just don't seem to understand, despite having had children themselves.

jackomdj

We have never been in the position to have regular babysitting from parents, mainly due to distance. Our children are now 7 and 5 and I cam count on my fingers the times we have got babysitters in so we can go out and enjoy ourselves (although we have got friends to babysit whilst we go to school meetings etc and twice last year we went away overnight but it was our 40th birthdays!)

Having said that I would happily pass them over to people visiting and at 9 months they both went to crèche a few days a week when I went back to work.

The one thing you need to ensure is your LO is not so dependent upon you that they find it difficult to cope when you are not there (eg when they start preschool)

I suspect your Mum was just trying to be helpful

Blue_Monkey

moneypuddle wrote: »

Did that make sense? I dont mean leave the baby with her for 6 months (clearly haha!) - maybe for a day at a time, or a night at a time, but my mum also works full time so might not be able to anyway

Yep, does make sense I can't imagine leaving DD with anyone else other than my mum either... But my mum "knows best" and it doesn't always feel like she respects the way I do things. When she had her for that full day, I'd left instructions for everything (I was nervous!!) and I know that mum didn't even look at them... DD was tucked up in bed in one piece when we got home so I suppose that is all that matters...

Blue_Monkey

Gillyx wrote: »

So many things we do she doesn't agree with which I know if I had to leave him there it'd all be done her way. Teething anklet being the main one. When we used to swaddle him, (he wouldn't sleep any other way) she'd untie him if giving him a cuddle before bed and use the excuse "oh he's hard to hold like that" when I know it's just because she doesn't like it. Anti-bac sprays we can't use, we've to clean with vinegar and water, because that will kill all the germs.

:cool: DD won't take a dummy yet my mum insists on trying to get her to take one. It's like she's taken it on as a personal quest to be the one she'll take it from...............

Gillyx wrote: »

Edit: the all up in there face thing, does my head in too, especially when they're about to go for a nap or to sleep! People just don't seem to understand, despite having had children themselves.

Glad it's not just me!

jackomdj wrote: »

The one thing you need to ensure is your LO is not so dependent upon you that they find it difficult to cope when you are not there (eg when they start preschool)

Yes, I am conscious of this as DD will go into nursery when I go back to work. With my mum it tends to be all about her, so I imagine nursery will be a whole different kind of letting go!

mishkanorman

My 2 boys were rarely 'left' with anyone, perhaps for no more than say an hour and a half when I had haircuts/Dr appts etc the majority of the time we made it so my OH was free when I planned things,

My mum & sister took my eldest shopping once and didnt return for several hours (its was a supermarket trip) - I couldnt get hold of either of them and I was furious when they got back. It turns out he had an accident and needed new clothes buying for him & they had both left their phones in the boot in their bags. After that I didnt want anyone else to put me in the same position again (of being made to feel like a total loon because I was frantic about where they got to)

Im lucky to not have to work so when they were in the care of others it was always my choice to do so.

We have a family member, not too different to one of my children in age, who went to Nursery from a matter of weeks old. I can see the mother/child bond is much harder work for them which I think is in part due to the child having several people who she calls boss. (In a 'i dont have to listen to you, you're not in charge' kind of way)

All of these factor into why we may do things slightly differently to others - mine have never had a sleepover at grandparents houses for example which may seem odd to some !

Dustykitten

Mine are 10, 16 and 18 now and I hardly left any of them. I was a SAHM, breastfed them all and was happy with that. They all settled fine to preschool, friends etc (Youngest took a bit longer but he is simply a home bird).

Do what feels right for you hun and you'll have no regrets, I certainly don't. They really do grow so fast. It is lovely for Grandparents to want to be involved but this is your baby, do it your way, that is not the right or wrong way just simply your way. Enjoy!

balletshoes

OP you don't "need" to do anything differently to what you are doing now, if it feels right for you. There is also no "norm".

I went back to work when my DD was 5 months old, and she had been left for very short periods of time with my parents or my sister in that time, but no-one else that I can recall.

Blue_Monkey

Dustykitten wrote: »

Do what feels right for you hun and you'll have no regrets, I certainly don't. They really do grow so fast. It is lovely for Grandparents to want to be involved but this is your baby, do it your way, that is not the right or wrong way just simply your way. Enjoy!

Thank you I go by this the majority of the time, but mum's comment got me thinking. When she had DD for that whole day mum said to me "I have looked after babies before" and I felt like saying "Yes, but you've not looked after this baby before"....