Family Problems with Sister's Boyfriend and Baby

kazwookie

I'd dump the bf from staying over night at all.

But keep the sister and baby, with some clear rules regarding house work and such like while she is staying with you.

londonsurrey

On the bright side, all this is good practice for when you produce your own teenagers!

Simply telling them stuff doesn't work. You've seen it. They're not stupid, and know that it's just yakety-yak, and that's that.

Decide on your stance, and see it through. Dirty dishes? Put them in a plastic tub, and shove it in their room. Or something else that works for you. If you just wash it up when they leave it, well, from their subconscious point of view, they've got you well trained then.

19lottie82

Why did the BF's parents kick them out?

I agree, put your foot down about him staying. He isn't respecting you, your house, your sister or your nephew (his son). If your sis doesn't like it, she can find somewhere else to go.

Caroline_a

This screamed out to me...

What I'm concerned about is that the baby should be back home before 10 or 11p.m. and they and their friends are smokers, so when the little man comes back home reeking of smoke (and his breathing is terrible) I'm convinced they're lying to me and are smoking around him. Please don't get me wrong, if I thought that there was serious or imminent danger to the child I would contact social services, sister or not as my little nephew needs to come first now. As it is, they're just doing things that in my opinion aren't right and may cause problems in the long term, but I'm treading the line of trying not to interfere with their care of the child, but ensure that he stays healthy and happy.

I don't care whether your sister and her waste of space boyfriend is 18 or 8, she will know that smoking around babies is bad for them. She should not be promising you she won't do it, she should be responsible enough herself not to do it. She is now responsible for this young life, whether she likes it or not! The alternative is to put him in the hands of Social Services to find someone who can look after him! I am an ex smoker so I know how hard it is, but I would never had done anything that would hurt my children.

If she has her own place then unfortunately you can do nothing, but it sounds as if she is a little obsessed with the boyfriend, and scared of losing him, whereas that would be the best thing all round. Chuck him out, stand firm with your OH together and see what happens next - otherwise you are enabling their behaviour by allowing it.

VfM4meplse

Family is family - I would have no issue with your sister and baby staying with you w/o charge. That's what families do for each other.

But you have no obligation to tolerate the b/f or the smoking. Your sister is just a child herself, it's time to start calling the shots for the sake of your nephew.

Mojisola

amyloofoo wrote: »

her boyfriend is playing the xbox and demanding cigarettes from her.

I told her boyfriend straight out today that he needs to get a job and I would be embarrassed to be taking money from my baby's mother for cigarettes and games when she's claiming she doesn't even have the money to pay for the correct colic bottles for their son.

He's just laughed and gone into my spare room, put his headphones on and has gone back to playing xbox. I think it might be time to tell him to go.

I'm wouldn't stand for that in my house - he wouldn't be playing in my spare room, laughing at me - he'd be out the house and not coming back until I had an apology and some proof that he was applying for jobs.

BitterAndTwisted

amyloofoo wrote: »

Hi everybody,

What I'm concerned about is that the baby should be back home before 10 or 11p.m.

I really wouldn't labour this particular point. Tiny babies sleep when they're tired and they don't particularly care where they are when they do it. Asking or telling your sister to be in by X time of night will just force you into the "parent" category and that is not where you need to be.

They and their friends are smokers, so when the little man comes back home reeking of smoke (and his breathing is terrible) I'm convinced they're lying to me and are smoking around him.

Well, of course they are! Babies don't acquire the smell of cigarette smoke from passing someone in the street!

Please don't get me wrong, if I thought that there was serious or imminent danger to the child I would contact social services,

How many adverts do they need to see on the telly to accept that smoking around children is a danger to them? Ans smoking around a baby only three months old is recklessly dangerous ESPECIALLY if his breathing is "terrible". I'd be onto Social Services or the health visitor without thinking twice about it.. Jeez.

Her boyfriend is playing the xbox and demanding cigarettes from her. I told her boyfriend straight out today that he needs to get a job and I would be embarrassed to be taking money from my baby's mother for cigarettes and games when she's claiming she doesn't even have the money to pay for the correct colic bottles for their son. He's just laughed and gone into my spare room, put his headphones on and has gone back to playing xbox. I think it might be time to tell him to go.

Demanding cigarette money from a mother with a young baby who has no money other than benefits? Does this animal have no self-respect whtsoever?

You think it's time to tell him to go? Eh, you know it is: you're not running a bloody homeless hostel for teenage parents. He has a home and that's at his parents place, not with you.

The original arrangement was since I knew he couldn't pay his way (any money he has just comes from my sister anyway) then he would apply for at least 1 job for every night he stayed over. In the past 5 days he's applied for 1 job, and that's one I found for him and (I've since found out) my sister filled out the application form on his behalf. He's just so lazy and doesn't take anything I say seriously.

My own feeling is that you should never have accepted him staying there eat all. He could have been the occasional overnight guest but only if and when you were specifically asked, Now you've got a freeloading cuckoo living in your home and disrupting your peace and quiet. Stop messing about and tell him to go. Now. Today.

On the plus side, my sister has got an interview for an apprenticeship on Friday :j (another one I found for them but let's not be pedantic lol) and they're looking at a flat tonight and a house tomorrow. Just to clarify, they are on the council housing list and have told them they are at risk of being made homeless,

They are NOT at risk of becoming homeless until and unless you put in writing that you are not prepared to house them any longer and will be asking them to leave on Tuesday week.

She seems powerless to stand up to her boyfriend (probably just a consequence of being 18 and in love) and will buy him anything he asks for, even if it means their son and herself don't have what they need. So far he's had a mini motorbike, an xbox, xbox live subscription, 5 games, countless cigarettes and who knows what else all out of her income support and her son's child benefit, leaving them with no savings at all for their deposit :mad:

He's a bloodsucking bloody parasite and your sister is an idiot. Get shot of them before they cause any more trouble.

I've tried talking to her about it, but she just gets (understandably) defensive and tries to placate me by saying things will change, however they never do. I think I may have to have a more forceful talk this afternoon. I appreciate I've brought some of these problems on myself, but it's really hard to be tough with her when I know she's struggling. I just want them all to be okay.

Of course you want them to be OK. Any family member would but there's a difference between helping people who appreciate your efforts and nincompoops who are in thrall to a useless bloody toe-rag parasite!

Hard lessons need to be taught or neither one of them will learn anything, ever. Do you still want your sister to be living with you in five year's time? If you don't threaten to kick them out I promise you your sister still will be.

VfM4meplse

^^^^ Speak your mind B&T, don't hold back!

No-one would think I'm diplomatic until they stand us side by side lol.

BitterAndTwisted

I'll have you know that I restrained myself from saying exactly what I was thinking. Hehe.


Honestly, it makes me so mad to hear of nice, kind people being taken complete advantage of. Bad enough by their own flesh and blood but this boyfriend truly is an obnoxious, ill-mannered, ungrateful and useless chancer. Laughed at her and took himself off to the spare room? How disgraceful! I'd have manhandled his @rse out of there the very moment he though of it, never mind did it.

VfM4meplse

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Honestly, it makes me so mad to hear of nice, kind people being taken complete advantage of. Bad enough by their own flesh and blood

When it comes to our families it's wiser to set a good example by giving selflessly. Who knows when it will be our own hour of need?

But I agree, the b/f should just whistle :whistle: