Return to Solvency

Piquant_2

I can't really help with OHs I don't have one and there doesn't seem to be much chance of me getting one either. I think I'll just stick to my furry friends!

Seriously, I'm sorry things are not great I just want to wrap you all up and take care of you.

Chev, my heart bleeds for you all the way over there. I've watched you over the years give so much advice and help to the desperate on the DFW board, if there is such a thing as karma, you deserve so much happiness.

Granny, your OH needs hitting over the head with a frying pan to make him see what a treasure he has in you. I have a particularly heavy pan if you need it....

Piq

grannyx2

happy_but_skint wrote: »

I hope he continues to listen and be nice x

Yes, I'm hoping so too. Wonders will never cease, he actually did not turn the tv on as soon as he arrived home today. Let DGDs watch cartoons and only picked up the laptop when I left to drop the girls home. He turned it straight back off when I got home too and we spent the evening in the quiet but easy company of each other.

never_too_old wrote: »

Big hug for Granny,havent caught up with rest of posts but it does seem lots of us are in the same position.My OH is the same when hes nice hes horrid when hes not hes horrid.When we entered our marriage we entered a partnership whats his is yours and vice versa so why should the money worries just be down to you thats just not fair..
speak again soon:)

Thanks NTO, I'm kind of hoping this was a mistype.... "when he's nice he's horrid......"

Sadly my OH feels I've burdened him enough with money worries in the past so is not prepared to lend much of a hand any more. That said I have enough to live on and am not struggling anywhere near as much as others on this forum. I just don't have any extra for non essentials, clothes, hair cuts or treats, unless he deems them as something he wants too. I worry about paying for repairs to my car etc, but as he pays for holidays, really don't have things too bad. Money only gets me down really when he can buy what he wants, when he wants it and refuses to pay for things for the girls, me or my DC. He knows I'm trying to help DS with his wedding costs but has not even offered to help. He knows I desperately want to go to visit DD but again, unless he's coming too, which would spoil it tbh, he's not prepared to pay. I don't really see how I can save enough to go to see her next year but as she is coming home for 3 weeks soon, the need isn't so great. I haven't seen her for 4 years and miss her terribly. I'm coming round to the realisation that I should probably plan to go to visit her in 2014 instead.

Box_of_Fluffies wrote: »

Hi granny, sorry I haven't been around this past few days. I'm also sorry to hear that things haven't all been going smoothly for you. To be honest, I've been feeling a little down in the dumps myself. I don't want to hijack your diary so will post an update on mine.

I hope your OH manages to stick to his new found ways. You'll have to give him a nudge at the first sign of him slipping.

Hello Mrs F, so sorry you have been feeling a bit glum too. It is soul destroying when you don't have a job to go to and spend the majority of the day on your own isn't it. I'm glad OH is treating you with kindness though.

If my OH doesn't mend his ways for longer than normal this time, it won't be a nudge he'll be getting. I'm sure the local DIY shop would sell me a sledge hammer at knock down prices, if I bargained hard enough. :rotfl:

Grand_Benders wrote: »

I don't have this problem, thankfully, although I'm lucky that after a 'chat' way back about 8 years ago we agreed that if either of us was being a bit cranky, the other would just ask 'are you feeling a bit grumpy?' and this would make the other examine what was bother them.

This has been invaluable with one of us in peri-menopause and the other in full menopause! :rotfl:

Oh now I wonder if that would work - "no" probably not. It's funny, I'm so rarely in a bad mood, I'm aware when I am and make a point of telling those around me that I'm feeling out of sorts. This is usually enough to snap me out of it or at least make me aware enough that I watch my ps and qs a bit more than normal. I just wish he would take a long hard look at what he's got and what he stands to lose if things don't work out. DS etc only see him because he's my OH and he'd lose that relationship as well if ours failed. He dotes on DGD1 and would be devastated to lose her.

xxxxx

Anyway, he has been much better behaved today and I've had a lovely day with DGDs. DGD2 came over at 12 and we picked DGD1 up at 3.30pm. I dropped 2 very tired little girls home at 6pm, after many cuddles, kisses, giggles and tickles. I just wish I could spend the day tomorrow doing it all over again. Still at least boss from h3ll is not in the office tomorrow so I have a reprieve of sorts until Friday.

LSD today, DGD2 and I had a burger each and shared a bag of fries. Very yummy it was too. I just felt like treating myself and she was hungry. Back to my diet tomorrow. Made butter-nut squash soup for lunch for the week and low fat moussaka for dinner tomorrow.

Gx2 x

grannyx2

Piquant wrote: »

I can't really help with OHs I don't have one and there doesn't seem to be much chance of me getting one either. I think I'll just stick to my furry friends!

Seriously, I'm sorry things are not great I just want to wrap you all up and take care of you.

Chev, my heart bleeds for you all the way over there. I've watched you over the years give so much advice and help to the desperate on the DFW board, if there is such a thing as karma, you deserve so much happiness.

Granny, your OH needs hitting over the head with a frying pan to make him see what a treasure he has in you. I have a particularly heavy pan if you need it....

Piq

:rotfl: I may very well be over to borrow it if he doesn't buck his ideas up x

I too will be sticking to furry friends if this relationship goes t!ts up.

TBH, that is what I was wishing for this weekend, a little furry Colin all of my own, to make me feel like someone is happy to see me and misses me when I'm not around. Sadly OH doesn't like cats so will not entertain the thought. See I told you he wasn't very nice I am truly feeling brighter this evening though, just being able to talk about things honestly with you all helped tremendously.

Gx2 x

x

NewLeaf_2

Dear Granny,

So sorry that we seem to be in the same situation yet again.

So happy that OH forked out for something. The ony way for us is up!
xx

grannyx2

NewLeaf wrote: »

Dear Granny,

So sorry that we seem to be in the same situation yet again.

So happy that OH forked out for something. The ony way for us is up!
xx

Oh honey so sorry things don't sound as though they have improved at all your end.

My OH is working on tonight so I've come home to a peaceful and quiet house. Work busy but not stressful because H3ll boss wasn't in. Lots to do over the next couple of days but working from home tomorrow and Thursday.

NSD #5

never_too_old

Hello Granny:D

please-let-me-be-lucky

Hi Granny, sorry been awol for a while. Good to hear Grandad has paid attention and has improved his behaviour at least for the moment. Keep that frying pan in mind though Xx

grannyx2

never_too_old wrote: »

Hello Granny:D

Hello NTO, how are you my dear?

x

grannyx2

I've started my day determined to have a good one. Things seem to be back on the right road with me and OH, though he bugs me often with his selfish ways, and my debt is getting tackled, albeit slowly.

My diary is now 4 months old and as with a new child I'm keeping a track of its monthly anniversaries for the first year to see what I've learned.

A fellow poster recently asked why people feel the need to hide their debt. Feeling rather glum I wasn't up to responding on her post as I was afraid I'd be judged. However, this is my diary and if I post something someone doesn't like, I'm sorry, but please remember these are my thoughts, experiences, solutions.

My reason for feeling embarrassed about my debt is

I worry about letting people down - so much so that when I was expecting my daughter at 17, I hid it from everyone until I was 7 months pregnant. I only came clean then when my mum dragged me to the doctor's about my awful acne. The doctor prescribed tablets and told me to be careful with contraception whilst taking them as they were damaging to a foetus. At this I owned up and was found to be 28 weeks gone. The spots were in fact a stress related rash not acne after all and went quite quickly once things were in the open. They were awful too, covering my whole face in angry welts.

It is also the reason I hid the fact I was being abused by my 1st husband for 3 years, until it became so bad my DC and I were lucky to escape with our lives.

My over spending is my fault but stems from being so unhappy that I tried to compensate by treating DC and I. I have little to show for the amount I owe and that in turn embarrasses me. I found this weekend that it would have been really easy to buy something to ease the sadness inside but with my new found MSE ways, I quickly realised that it would only have made me more miserable.

I love doing my signature updates and with my debt only being paid off slowly any unplanned spends can undo all the good I've done that month.

I have no problem telling close friends that I can't afford to do something and my DC know about my debt. My OH knows I'm struggling but not the extent of it. He'd stress over it so much, he'd get me stressed too and so its easier to deal with it on my own. He accepts that I don't have money for treats and pays if he wants us to go somewhere. Telling him would achieve nothing, as he wouldn't offer to help.

My DM and DF know I am struggling but again not the extent. Whilst my DF has no problem with it, my DM is quite judgemental about it. She does not understand why with a good job I haven't got the money to go to see DD and again telling her the truth would only cause her unnecessary angst.

I don't tell colleagues or other non close friends/family because its none of their business. Most people think we are well off and by some people's standards we are. I just have this long term, currently no interest, loan to pay off that sometimes causes me worry. As I've said before, I don't really want credit ever again and so it makes no real difference to me. It also means that I need to work on my marriage as without the debt I'd probably have walked away by now and lets face it, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

So that is it, I have finally come to terms with my debt, I know the reasons for its existence, I have learned that over spending does not make me happy and I have learned that I still worry over people judging me. However, as my signature says, "I'm proud to be dealing with my debts"

So with that in mind, I'm off to work:



Have a good day all

Gx2 x

Rainbow_Bridge

What a wonderful post Grannyx2.

HAPPY FOUR MONTH ANNIVERSARY :beer:.

You have come such a long way, and if building up debt was what you needed to do, in order to keep you and your DC sane and secure at such a horrific time, then it was right for the time, and now you are in a safer place you are sorting it xx.

I love the pictures you post expecially the one with the old ladies pretending to be 16 year olds on the internet and the one above.

That is so me when it comes to meditation !!