Please tell me what you would think

microme22

Loanranger wrote: »

Stop focusing on what happened in the past and try to look forward.
What do you want to happen? Do you want to build a relationship with this bloke or not?
You must try to focus on the way forward instead of dwelling on what has passed. There's absolutely no mileage in it.

and this is what I am trying to do believe me ........ but it is hard as he tries to make me accept its me who is not normal for thinking its not normal ...... if that makes sense ......... and you didnt answer my original question on how you would feel ?

microme22

londonsurrey wrote: »

I'm just being pedantic here, so please bear with me on clarifying the timeline.
At the point when he originally told you that he was sleeping on the sofa, was he sleeping on the sofa, or in her bed?

In her bed

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I doubt if his ex knew she was his ex at the time.

balletshoes

although I do believe your bf was having sex with his ex when he first started seeing you, I do kind of agree with Loanranger, it was when your relationship was new, you guys weren't being physical, just getting to know each other? You haven't suspected him of cheating since then? Yes, I'd be pee'd off that he lied about where he was sleeping, but if it was such a long time ago, I'd let it go, just wouldn't get uptight about that. Theres no point keeping bringing it back up, its not going to resolve anything.

But, if theres more to this and there are other scenarios since then which are making you suspicious, that could be a different matter altogether.

londonsurrey

microme22 wrote: »

In her bed

Right. In that case, as straight out lie, as opposed to circumstances that changed that he didn't clarify about, really not good at all.

Spendless

microme22 wrote: »

We have been together 18 months and do now live together when I first started dating him he had his own place. He also has an ex whom he has children with ....... now I am ( was ) a very trusting person and as I said he did have his own place when I first met him but he was staying at his ex's for a couple of weeks, sleeping on the sofa, to help out with the kids .......

I was perfectly cool with this as he was at mine almost every evening after the kids had been put to bed and would not leave mine til between 12pm and 2am most nights ( I didnt let him stay over as I didnt want my 6yr old DD waking up to a stranger as i had not yet introduced them .....

So fast forward 5 months into our relationship he moved in ( fast I know, but circumstances led to it ) after 2 weeks or so we were having a drink one evening and it slipped out that when he was staying at his ex's he was in fact sharing a bed with her ...... not sleeping on the couch as he originally told me !!

Needless to say I was gutted because he had lied to me ..... basically he had been leaving my bed and going back there and crawling into bed with her for the first 2 or 3 weeks of our proper relationship ( we had been getting to know each other for 3 months prior to us sleeping together ) .......... he swore that nothing happened between them and he was just sharing because it was cold !!

I've quoted and bolded this in order to put it in a time-line order for me. Am I right in reading that you dated him for 3 months prior to sleeping with him and for the 1st 2-3 weeks of him sleeping with you he was leaving you to sleep at his exs? Or do you mean that within the first 2-3 weeks of your relationship he was sleeping at exes despite having a house of his own? Do you def know for a fact that he had his own place at the beginning of your relationship? Is it possible they were in the process of splitting up as your relationship began and he got his own place around that time but he hadn't moved in?

microme22

balletshoes wrote: »

although I do believe your bf was having sex with his ex when he first started seeing you, I do kind of agree with Loanranger, it was when your relationship was new, you guys weren't being physical, just getting to know each other? You haven't suspected him of cheating since then? Yes, I'd be pee'd off that he lied about where he was sleeping, but if it was such a long time ago, I'd let it go, just wouldn't get uptight about that. Theres no point keeping bringing it back up, its not going to resolve anything.

But, if theres more to this and there are other scenarios since then which are making you suspicious, that could be a different matter altogether.

Balletshoes ...... sorry we were physical when this happened .. he was leaving my bed and going to hers

balletshoes

microme22 wrote: »

Balletshoes ...... sorry we were physical when this happened .. he was leaving my bed and going to hers

sorry, my misunderstanding - yep, thats strange and I'm not surprised you were upset about that when you found out about it!

londonsurrey

My problem with him is that he lied outright about sleeping on the sofa. It speaks of an essential lack of moral fibre that can manifest itself in so many other ways.

Respect yourself to know that you can do better.

microme22

Spendless wrote: »

I've quoted and bolded this in order to put it in a time-line order for me. Am I right in reading that you dated him for 3 months prior to sleeping with him and for the 1st 2-3 weeks of him sleeping with you he was leaving you to sleep at his exs? Or do you mean that within the first 2-3 weeks of your relationship he was sleeping at exes despite having a house of his own? Do you def know for a fact that he had his own place at the beginning of your relationship? Is it possible they were in the process of splitting up as your relationship began and he got his own place around that time but he hadn't moved in?

yes 3 months of getting to know each other and he was leaving my bed to go to hers ..... and yes he def def had his own place