Please tell me what you would think

microme22

Lexxi wrote: »

If you were the ex would you let him sleep in your bed to keep warm?
The way I'm reading this is they split up, he moves out gets his own place, meets you and gets to know you, then as your relationship moves up a step he starts staying at his exes on the settee to help out with the kids for a few weeks, except he isn't staying on the settee.

Turn it around, you split with the father of your children, he moves out then 18 months later the kids are really ill or you get ill unable to look after them (you didn't say why he had to go back) so he moves in for 2-3 weeks to help out and you let him back into your bed to keep warm. I've gotten into a cold bed, alone and with a partner the only way to get warm is to cuddle up.

I would not let an ex anywhere near my bed ...... especially if I had a new partner ..... that in my book would if nothing else be extremly disrespectful to my new partner ...... and I am sure not many men would accept it !! but it seems as a woman I am supposed to see this as normal behaviour ........ and more to the point my OH still dosnt get why I have problems trusting him and his ex being together for more than 5 mins .........

microme22

Lexxi wrote: »

If you were the ex would you let him sleep in your bed to keep warm?
The way I'm reading this is they split up, he moves out gets his own place, meets you and gets to know you, then as your relationship moves up a step he starts staying at his exes on the settee to help out with the kids for a few weeks, except he isn't staying on the settee.

Turn it around, you split with the father of your children, he moves out then 18 months later the kids are really ill or you get ill unable to look after them (you didn't say why he had to go back) so he moves in for 2-3 weeks to help out and you let him back into your bed to keep warm. I've gotten into a cold bed, alone and with a partner the only way to get warm is to cuddle up.
I've also had unexpected night guests that have had to stay on the settee, they've had clean duvet covers or even towels for extra layers, I've never once offered to budge up and let them sleep in my bed

sorry to double post but couldnt work out how to delete the above one ..........

I would not let an ex anywhere near my bed ...... especially if I had a new partner ..... that in my book would if nothing else be extremly disrespectful to my new partner ...... and I am sure not many men would accept it !! but it seems as a woman I am supposed to see this as normal behaviour ........ and more to the point my OH still dosnt get why I have problems trusting him and his ex being together for more than 5 mins .........

Lexxi

microme22 wrote: »

sorry to double post but couldnt work out how to delete the above one ..........

I would not let an ex anywhere near my bed ...... especially if I had a new partner ..... that in my book would if nothing else be extremly disrespectful to my new partner ...... and I am sure not many men would accept it !! but it seems as a woman I am supposed to see this as normal behaviour ........ and more to the point my OH still dosnt get why I have problems trusting him and his ex being together for more than 5 mins .........

Click edit and delete is at the bottom.

You're not happy with the situation, you can't change what has been done, you won't change how your OH is seeing things, you need to decide what you can do for you.

I started seeing someone casually but not exclusively, one night he phoned to say I couldn't come round as his girlfriend was going to be staying. I was upset as I wouldn't have gone into that situation had I known the facts. We spoke a few weeks later and he said that the relationship had been over for ages, he slept downstairs if he went around and he mostly felt sorry for her. I believed him and our relationship continued, we were excusive and together for a while but if something came up that didn't sound right I always thought back to this and wondered if she knew that the relationship had been over for a while. I know feel like I'm being weighed down with an awful lot of things that dont add up, constantly trying to make sense of things, if it's the truth, trying to catch him out. I will drive myself crazy but I'm not going to get a straight answer from him

System

annie_d wrote: »

I think u can share a bed and not have s e x

yes it is possible i spose but i'd be awake all night 'on guard'. I'd be on the far end of the bed.:D

poorly_scammo

The "and there's more" and the comment about the ex being strange is making me wonder whether he's still seeing her.

Yes, I'm very cynical and I do hope I'm wrong.

cottonhead

Well you dont sleep in the same bed just to keep warm so thats quite insulting if he expects you to believe that. Does his ex know about you ?
I would take a step back and have a serious conversation about how let down you feel about him lying. If he is acting weird still then go with your instint its usually right. Unfortunately he will always have contact with his ex if they have kids so unless you can get over it 100% its going to be difficult for you every time he goes to see the kids. personally I know it sounds very judgemental but I know I couldnt handle being with a man who had kids with someone else. There is always a possibility........

shegirl

He's already lied once,he could easily be lying again.

I don't believe him at all.

But then I'm someone whose (now ex) partner and father of my child was seeing someone else behind my back and told her we hadn't been together for years...:rotfl:

FBaby

two possibilities:
- they broke up because even though they got along well, the attraction was completely gone, so they were more like brother and sister. Getting into her bed was comforting, but there was nothing romantic or sexual to it because....well, that's the reason they broke up in the first place.
- they broke up because they couldn't get along, but were still very physically attracted to each other, so even though they considered each other exes, they still enjoyed a bit of fun in bed.

Whatever it is, you can't let this affect you. It is not great that this happened whilst you were together, but he made his position clear when things got serious between you. In a way, that shows how strong his feelings were for you. This on its own shouldn't hold you back. It is another matter if there is more to it then just what you have written.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

Whatever it is, you can't let this affect you.

It's the fact that he lied that would be the problem for me.