Please tell me what you would think

microme22

londonsurrey wrote: »

Men don't tend to get cold in bed. It's women who use them as hot water bottles. He's either a very skinny wimp type, or a lying git. You know him. How cold does he get?

You know I never thought about this, I do use him as a hot water bottle ........ he just meant it was really cold on the sofa ..... apparently ......

Loanranger

I think you are being overly suspicious. I shared a bed regularly with my ex for some time after we had split, even went on holiday together and shared a bed and nothing happened. No sex. For 18 months or more.
You will let this eat away at you until it wrecks the relationship altogether. You have two choices: believe what he says and tick him off for having initially lied OR finish it with him. There is no middle road with this. Either way, you have to move forward for your own peace of mind.

microme22

globetraveller wrote: »

2 strange things- why say you have an AI? You went on to explain a set of cirucmstances that few would have gone through.
Second strange thing- why did he tell you? You would never have known and now you are hurt. Perhaps the bombshell is yet to come.

Am using AI because he does know my user name but does not actually go on here iyswim

It just slipped out when he was randomly rambling about something when he was drunk ......

raven83

Loanranger wrote: »

I think you are being overly suspicious. I shared a bed regularly with my ex for some time after we had split, even went on holiday together and shared a bed and nothing happened. No sex. For 18 months or more.
You will let this eat away at you until it wrecks the relationship altogether. You have two choices: believe what he says and tick him off for having initially lied OR finish it with him. There is no middle road with this. Either way, you have to move forward for your own peace of mind.

I don't think she is being overly suspicious at all, in fact i think most woman would have a problem with their boyfriend sharing a bed with an ex, you say you shared a bed with you ex, but was you seeing someone else at the time? Even if they didn't have sex, i still don't think it is appropriate, sex or no sex, if someone was getting out of my bed and going into someone elses i would be more than a tad bit pist!!!

microme22

Loanranger wrote: »

I think you are being overly suspicious. I shared a bed regularly with my ex for some time after we had split, even went on holiday together and shared a bed and nothing happened. No sex. For 18 months or more.
You will let this eat away at you until it wrecks the relationship altogether. You have two choices: believe what he says and tick him off for having initially lied OR finish it with him. There is no middle road with this. Either way, you have to move forward for your own peace of mind.

And thats nice for you both if you could get on like that ....... but if you had a partner at this time ........ would he have accepted this as the norm ........ or indeed if your partner did this with his ex while you were with him would you accept it as the norm ?

peachyprice

Sorry to say, but I would be thinking that if this was a lie,

microme22 wrote: »

he was staying at his ex's for a couple of weeks, sleeping on the sofa

It's pretty likely that this

......... he swore that nothing happened between them and he was just sharing because it was cold !!

And this

they had apparently been split for a year and a half at this point.

were lies too.

It's the oldest story in the book, right up there with 'my wife doesn't understand me'.

microme22

raven83 wrote: »

I don't think she is being overly suspicious at all, in fact i think most woman would have a problem with their boyfriend sharing a bed with an ex, you say you shared a bed with you ex, but was you seeing someone else at the time? Even if they didn't have sex, i still don't think it is appropriate, sex or no sex, if someone was getting out of my bed and going into someone elses i would be more than a tad bit pist!!!

Thankyou so much for putting like this xx

londonsurrey

I'm just being pedantic here, so please bear with me on clarifying the timeline.
At the point when he originally told you that he was sleeping on the sofa, was he sleeping on the sofa, or in her bed?

Loanranger

Stop focusing on what happened in the past and try to look forward.
What do you want to happen? Do you want to build a relationship with this bloke or not?
You must try to focus on the way forward instead of dwelling on what has passed. There's absolutely no mileage in it.

raven83

Loanranger wrote: »

Stop focusing on what happened in the past and try to look forward.
What do you want to happen? Do you want to build a relationship with this bloke or not?
You must try to focus on the way forward instead of dwelling on what has passed. There's absolutely no mileage in it.

But how can she look forward when he has lied? If he has lied about this, who knows what else he may be lying about?