Please tell me what you would think

microme22

I am using an AI as OH knows my username on here.

Anyway would like some opinions on wether I am wrong to have trust issues with my OH ..... going to try to condense this as much as poss and will try and answer and questions points etc when I know OH is not around.

We have been together 18 months and do now live together when I first started dating him he had his own place. He also has an ex whom he has children with ....... now I am ( was ) a very trusting person and as I said he did have his own place when I first met him but he was staying at his ex's for a couple of weeks, sleeping on the sofa, to help out with the kids .......

I was perfectly cool with this as he was at mine almost every evening after the kids had been put to bed and would not leave mine til between 12pm and 2am most nights ( I didnt let him stay over as I didnt want my 6yr old DD waking up to a stranger as i had not yet introduced them .....

So fast forward 5 months into our relationship he moved in ( fast I know, but circumstances led to it ) after 2 weeks or so we were having a drink one evening and it slipped out that when he was staying at his ex's he was in fact sharing a bed with her ...... not sleeping on the couch as he originally told me !!

Needless to say I was gutted because he had lied to me ..... basically he had been leaving my bed and going back there and crawling into bed with her for the first 2 or 3 weeks of our proper relationship ( we had been getting to know each other for 3 months prior to us sleeping together ) .......... he swore that nothing happened between them and he was just sharing because it was cold !!

I soul searched for a week or more as to stay with him and decided to try and put this behind me and carry on with the relationship ........ but ever since something has eaten at me .. its over a year later and I am trying to retrust him but its so hard ...... there's more to write but he's hovering !! I do love him so very much and trust him on most levels ...... its just this issue of him and his ex ....... she must be very strange because believe me ...... I wouldnt have let my ex anywhere near my bed after we had split up ......... and they had apparently been split for a year and a half at this point.

I just want to add that he says that it is me that is wrong to think that this is strange behaviour ....... so what would you think ?

pinkclouds

I think it's strange mostly because he lied to you.

balletshoes

Even if he and his ex were split up for over a year when he first started seeing you, if he was sharing her bed, they were sha**ing, at least some of that time. Thats my gut feeling after reading your post. Maybe it was just a comfy what-they-knew sha*.

I don't however, think there is any reason to doubt him or mistrust him now, since you started living together - unless theres a lot more to this?

emsywoo123

microme22 wrote: »

she must be very strange because believe me ...... I wouldnt have let my ex anywhere near my bed after we had split up ......... and they had apparently been split for a year and a half at this point.

I would doubt this part particularly!

raven83

I wouldn't be happy with that at all and i would be angry that he lied to me. TBH i think it sounds very suspicious, i don't buy the hole "sharing a bed and nothing happened" esepcially with an ex, who he has kids with. But then again i am a cynical begger!

microme22

balletshoes wrote: »

Even if he and his ex were split up for over a year when he first started seeing you, if he was sharing her bed, they were sha**ing, at least some of that time. Thats my gut feeling after reading your post. Maybe it was just a comfy what-they-knew sha*.

I don't however, think there is any reason to doubt him or mistrust him now, since you started living together - unless theres a lot more to this?

Sad to say there is more but for now I just wanted opinions as to wether I am in the wrong for thinking that this is strange behaviour between the two of them as he seems to genuinly think I am mad for even thinking anything was wrong with him wanting to be comfy and keep warm !!

raven83

microme22 wrote: »

Sad to say there is more but for now I just wanted opinions as to wether I am in the wrong for thinking that this is strange behaviour between the two of them as he seems to genuinly think I am mad for even thinking anything was wrong with him wanting to be comfy and keep warm !!

Wonder what he would say if the boot was on the other foot.

mrcow

microme22 wrote: »

.......... he swore that nothing happened between them and he was just sharing because it was cold !!

He's lying to you.

Do you need to know anything else?

balletshoes

raven83 wrote: »

Wonder what he would say if the boot was on the other foot.

very good point - however I suspect if you put this to him OP he'd say nowt wrong with it, because he's already admitted to doing it with his ex.

londonsurrey

Men don't tend to get cold in bed. It's women who use them as hot water bottles. He's either a very skinny wimp type, or a lying git. You know him. How cold does he get?

globetraveller

2 strange things- why say you have an AI? You went on to explain a set of cirucmstances that few would have gone through.
Second strange thing- why did he tell you? You would never have known and now you are hurt. Perhaps the bombshell is yet to come.