Couples Living Together

CupOfChai

Yes, I am insane and can worry about all sorts of mad things, until I have to tell myself to stop it and not to be so ridiculous. I'm also super organised and think and plan through nearly everything, it helps in a lot of things but can be less helpful too, when I start going on about total nonsense. It's probably at least partly what made me start this thread, to see if there was anything I'd missed thinking about!

Don't worry, soon I'll get to the next stage, which is "Ah soddit, it'll be fine!"

Catty89

Me and my BF moved in together in December, so have some tips.

Dont agree to too much BEFORE you move in, we agreed he would cook and i would clean- some nights the meal took 10 mins to cook and my cleaning would take hours, and he would say well you agreed to it!
Now we have different nights that one cleans and does dishes and other nights that we iron or do other cleaning jobs.

Make sure you speak about finances- we dont have a joint account but made sure we split the bills in half and have a food 'kitty' for the month.

To start with we argued a bit about his level of keeping the flat clean and mine and now it is average clean as iv learned it cant be perfect all the time.

Make sure to spend quality time together, we see each other every night but sometimes we sit on our laptops and are in our own little worlds, so we like to have a date night once a week so things dont feel like its all about cleaning and cutting back on money

Pinzy

I should imagine it'd definitely normal to feel scared even though it's something you want to do, it is a change after all. I got nervous before moving in my OH, even though it's something we both knew we wanted. When the fear starts creeping in I just remember that we're happy and I just need to enjoy it and not worry about what may/may not happen.

We do both stop what we're doing to come and greet the other when they come home though, it's a nice little thing that makes you feel special.

Marisco

CupOfChai wrote: »

Don't worry, soon I'll get to the next stage, which is "Ah soddit, it'll be fine!"

Next stage???? I started at that stage - 18 years ago:D I sometimes think too many folk overthink things and worry about nowt. What's meant for you, won't go past you

acl2009

My husband and I have been together nearly 6 1/2 years and moved in with each other "officially" after about 7 months.

Are you moving into a new place together or is one of you moving into the others existing property? If it's the latter it's very important for the person moving in to feel that it's their home too. I moved into husbands flat that he already owned and it took a while for me to feel that it was my home too, despite his constant reassurance! We have since sold up and bought a house together which feels like its actually "mine"

We are open about finances, bills and have our unwritten rules about housework. Basically I'm a bit of a clean freak so I do the majority, but he does things like cut the grass, any fixing, DIY etc... and if I ask him to help me with something he is generally good about doing it.

Its so important to be open about things and respect one another's opinions. Also don't forget your own space. DH loves going out on his bike or for a round of golf and I am more then happy for him to do this as it gives me a couple hours to myself too.

Trust each other. Before I was pregnant I knew it was not problem to say to him "X and I are going to have a girls night out next Friday" or he would say "X and I are going to go pub Friday but won't be home late" It's all about mutual respect and understanding. We trust each other completely and there is no point stopping each other doing something to let hair down"

And last but not least, you're not going to agree on everything. There will be times when you are peed off but talk about it. Never go to bed angry.

LadyMorticia

Never go to bed on an argument.

Living together doesn't mean doing everything together. You still both need your independence. My DH and I spend alot of time together because he's my full-time carer but once a week he goes to a Wargaming club (I used to go but I'm not well enough anymore) and it's nice to get rid of him for a few hours.:rotfl:

Communicate.

Gazing_On_Sunsets

Regarding housework and all that, it depends on previous history. My husband had lived alone from the age of 20 to 38, and I had lived alone pretty much until 34, so we BOTH were in "I must do all the housework" mode. This is where we had our tiffs - he was doing the laundry, and so was I, and we were doing it differently to each other. And I had this thing that "my way was the right way because I'm a woman" until I suddenly realised how ridiculous, patronising and rather sexist that was. I had to take a step back and put it into context...would his way of doing things cause the house to burn down? If not, it was probably ok.

Because I work part time and from home, and he is full time I naturally stepped into doing the bulk of the housework then I felt affronted if he did any, ("do you think I'm slipping behind?" I'd want to know). But he was just trying to be helpful.

Talking it out was the only way forward. And I had to relax a bit!

*Beki*

On the finances front, my partner and I pay the same amount into a joint account every month to cover rent, bills, gym membership etc- an amount which we have worked out to be enough. It makes it easier to then know that what's left in my account is for me to spend! And if we have any left in the joint account at the end of the year we spend it on a nice meal out or something