Couples Living Together

CupOfChai

Hello everyone! My boyfriend and I have decided to move in together, and have begun the process of doing so. Now, I gather many of you live with partners, husbands or wives and have done so for many years (and possibly more times than with just the one person).

Apologies since there has probably been at least one identical thread to this before, but what advice would you give a couple embarking upon living together? Anything at all, whether it be practical advice on running a home together, or pearls of wisdom on how to cope with your OH's infuriating habits!

Kimberley82

talk talk and talk

faerie~spangles

Do not take on all the housework, laundry and cooking yourself especially if you are both working. You are not his mum!

The above are not solely your domain and neither is cleaning the loo.

Discuss your finances and set up a joint household account for bills and food.

Bluemeanie_2

I'll probably take a huge bollocking for this sexist post, but I found treating my husband like a child worked a treat. It was no good assuming there was pots to wash he will just do them, clothes to put away, he will just do it. Didn't work.

Now he has specific agreed responsibilities. Examples are - pots, emptying the household bins and put the bins out on bin day, maintenance of cars, DIY, food shopping from a specific list. He just had no initiative, so I decided to "manage" him!

Person_one

Make sure you are both on the same page regarding your future. Is this a trial run to see if you can stand living with each other or are you committed already and planning for a life together? It doesn't matter which, as long as both agree, but the financial organisation might vary!

Make sure you get a place where there's enough space for you to get away from each other if need be, do not try to live as a couple in a studio flat.

Don't feel like you have to be constantly lovey dovey and joined at the hip, accept your differences. If you eat separate meals a few times a week because you enjoy different foods then that's ok. If you end up going to bed and sleep at different times some nights that's ok. If you want to do different things of an evening that's ok.

Have a talk about tidiness, some people get stressed out if the oven isn't cleaned every week and the dishes sit on the side for more than 5 minutes after a meal while some people are like me and don't really notice dust until somebody writes their name in it. Big differences in attitudes can be frustrating for both.

Lastly, and I'm sorry if this sounds really pessimistic but this is the main thing I've learned from my one attempt at cohabitation, trust your instincts and don't stick it out due to pride, or the tenancy agreement, or the amount you've spent on furniture if you aren't happy.

Having said that, good luck and I hope it all works out for you both.

VfM4meplse

Perhaps you should have a full and frank about the day-to-day things in life that really bother you. At least that way, you will both be conscious of things that set each other off.

For example, I cannot, cannot, will not use a dirty toilet. For me it would have to be a his and hers arrangement. I also insist that the other one washes thoroughly before bed if they want their luck to last.

Dunroamin

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Perhaps you should have a full and frank about the day-to-day things in life that really bother you. At least that way, you will both be conscious of things that set each other off.

For example, I cannot, cannot, will not use a dirty toilet. For me it would have to be a his and hers arrangement. I also insist that the other one washes thoroughly before bed if they want their luck to last.

Check whether your BF has a hygiene fetish before agreeing to move in; if he has, run a mile!:)

Mado

Be prepared to talk and compromise...

Sharing chores is obvious.
But be prepared not to have your pick at the menu in the kitchen, the Tv or radio program, the choice of music, of friends and relatives visiting, etc...

Buckslad_2

Time apart but being in the same house. Having your own space.

I LOVED living on my own and i enjoy my own company so when my OH moved in i just had to say to him once .... 'pretend im not here' ... i would come home, go into the bedroom (one bed flat) and take time to myself. I would read a magazine, have a glass of wine, watch a bit of TV ... anything to keep me happy and sane and enjoy my own company which i was so used to. Things were getting difficult until i said this.

To go home and feel the need to chat was driving me nuts. We still do it now 8 years on but just with a bigger house now so its easier :rotfl:

CupOfChai

Thank you, all of you.

You're damn right I am not his mum! We have had this conversation, and I am going to make sure we do our shares and it isn't left to one person all the time. Bluemeanie, are you my IRL friend? She said pretty much the same thing, that a cleaning rota may seem silly, but it is necessary because "Men have NO domestic logic!".

We didn't think a studio flat was a good idea for two either, so despite the ludicrous prices around here we've gone for a proper bedroom. Otherwise there'd be fights about watching football versus Britain's Got Talent or some such, haha. We've also discussed finance, how we will split bills etc (having almost precisely equal incomes makes that part easier!).

Yes, lots of talking's been done, but I think maybe a sort of consolidation chat might be in order to make sure we've thoroughly ironed everything out. And yes, we've discussed who is doing the ironing!

Own space could be a thing we'll have to get used to, like you did Buckslad. Neither of us have lived on our own before, but I know I'd like to have been able to! Hopefully we will be able to manage this, considering even now we'll do things like both be sat there in the same room, reading books and totally ignoring each other!

LOL hygiene fetish!

barbiedoll

Get the finances sorted out BEFORE you move in. Everything else can be sorted out as you go along, you never really know someone until you live with them and their loveable little habits can get really annoying after a couple of years. But if you love each other, you can put up with the small stuff. Finances cause more rows and misery than almost anything else so sort out a clear plan of who pays what, well before you move in.

Keep separate bank accounts. This doesn't mean that you don't trust each other, it's simple common sense. Lots of people will advise keeping a joint account for the bills etc but unless you are absolutely sure that your partner doesn't have outstanding debts, a poor credit history or a habit of "forgetting" to pay bills, then don't even contemplate setting up any form of joint finance at the moment. His financial failings (if he has any) will affect your creditworthiness, and of course, vice versa.

I know it's hard to think of practicalities when you're all loved up and ready to get together full-time but a little planning and talking now may save a lot of hassle later on. And no, you don't have to do his ironing, don't be like me and volunteer......you'll be stuck with it for ever! :rotfl:

Good luck!