Help me get some perspective on this!

Kili

I'm using an AE just incase family involved come on here...

I know I'm probably being somewhat unreasonable but I'm annoyed and I'd like some perspective that may help me to calm down a bit and be more rational. Plus, I need to rant and get this out.

OH and I have had a rotten couple of years and, due to a few issues we haven't had a proper holiday in quite some time. Our kids are teens and pretty much do their own thing now.

Some months ago a close family member asked if they could take our teens away for a week. We agreed, at the time we couldn't have gone anyway but a few weeks after they booked our circumstances changed, the thing keeping us at home was removed and a lot of stress and sadness ended, I was given some money by my Mum to book a break for the two of us as she knew we needed it and we could go.

Having not had a great deal of alone time we booked our own accommodation and I was looking forward to a week together where we could do our own thing, including not having to worry about kids in the next bedroom at night if you get my meaning. I thought we could have the best of both worlds, see the kids from time to time with the other family member (who incidentally they desperately wanted to stay with!) and have some 'us' time.

Last night OH told me that family member had asked along more family members because as we have our own accommodation and we now have the kids back in our accommodation.

I was gutted that our time has gone completely now. We were taking our small dog, he's usually kennelled but not having to worry about kids shutting doors (his recall is awful!) I'd decided to take him. Now all I'm thinking is I'm going to have to put him in the kennels because I don't trust the kids to keep doors shut and the 'us' time I'd planned is going to be a hectic week of trying to please his family.

I know I'm probably being unreasonable but I am really angry that nobody thought to ask me. I really feel like cancelling (I used insurance on the accommodation) and booking somewhere else and letting them all crush into their accommodation.

OH seems disinterested in my reasons for being annoyed, although in fairness he told me this just as he was going to sleep last night. I suspect he knew I wouldn't be best pleased so dropped it on me to give me time to simmer.

I feel trapped by the situation now. I really don't want to go and I feel like my plans are ruined.

Thoughts?

scottishchick27

I can see how disappointed you must be but can you imagine how your teens will feel if you cancel now because they will be staying with you. They'd feel so unwanted. You'll still be able to spend some time alone during the day as I'm sure the family members won't mind having them during the day. They are old enough surely to understand to shut the doors so the dog doesn't go where it isn't supposed to be. I hope you can sort it out x

bluebird

Hello, we think you are being a little unreasonable the reason i say this is your kids were going to go away and have a holiday because you couldnt afford it,thats lovely and very kind of someone to offer,however you then get money and decide to join them, all be it in your own accomodation,so your mistake was assuming your kids would still stay with the other family,this isnt the case as the other family most likely thought great you've managed to come heres your kids,nothing mean about it.
Calm down and enjoy the holiday kids or no kids,you can still have a wonderful time.
As for the dog you did say your kids were older so they must use common sense and shut the doors.

Kili

scottishchick27 wrote: »

I can see how disappointed you must be but can you imagine how your teens will feel if you cancel now because they will be staying with you. They'd feel so unwanted. You'll still be able to spend some time alone during the day as I'm sure the family members won't mind having them during the day. They are old enough surely to understand to shut the doors so the dog doesn't go where it isn't supposed to be. I hope you can sort it out x

I know, and realistically I couldn't cancel, I just feel railroaded into a situation I didn't want. Ironically the kids understood why we wanted our own space, they realise we've been through a lot lately and wanted us to have some time alone. They will be upset to know they are being booted out of the other families accommodation because they were looking forward to spending some time with them!

To add some background every holiday OH and I have ever been on bar one has had to involve his entire family coming along. I just want some time for us! I'd just love a week where I don't have to please the rest of his family, where we can just get up and do our own thing.

As for them shutting doors, not a hope sadly.

Kili

bluebird wrote: »

Hello, we think you are being a little unreasonable the reason i say this is your kids were going to go away and have a holiday because you couldnt afford it,thats lovely and very kind of someone to offer,however you then get money and decide to join them, all be it in your own accomodation,so your mistake was assuming your kids would still stay with the other family,this isnt the case as the other family most likely thought great you've managed to come heres your kids,nothing mean about it.
Calm down and enjoy the holiday kids or no kids,you can still have a wonderful time.
As for the dog you did say your kids were older so they must use common sense and shut the doors.

They offered to take the kids because they dont see them that often, not because we couldn't go or afford it. They have taken them away before.

I know they wont be door shutting, they get distracted and will be in and out between accommodation I imagine, the dog and its safety will be the last thing on their minds, and when the dog is gone there is little I can do, so I'm going to spend a week on edge worrying where he is every second unless I put him in the kennels.

Bluemeanie_2

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I wouldn't appreciate them changing the plans etc. I think you are right to be annoyed.

mrsgreentoad

is this a joke.. you selfish women. tell your kids your not going caus they have to stay with you nice

Kili

mrsgreentoad wrote: »

is this a joke.. you selfish women. tell your kids your not going caus they have to stay with you nice

Have you actually read anything that is written above? Or is your intellect so low that hurling insults is better than actually reading a post?

pelirocco

Kili wrote: »

They offered to take the kids because they dont see them that often, not because we couldn't go or afford it. They have taken them away before.

I know they wont be door shutting, they get distracted and will be in and out between accommodation I imagine, the dog and its safety will be the last thing on their minds, and when the dog is gone there is little I can do, so I'm going to spend a week on edge worrying where he is every second unless I put him in the kennels.

I would assume that once you also booked to go away the other family members would have thought you would have preferred your kids to be with you . As for the dog , even if your kids where staying with the other family surely they would still be popping in and out of your accomodation ?
How old are your kids ?

fluffnutter

Kili wrote: »

I know, and realistically I couldn't cancel, I just feel railroaded into a situation I didn't want...

I don't understand why you booked the same place? When your circumstances changed and you decided on a break for you and your OH, what made you choose the same place that your family were also staying in?

I can see why the family member has changed their plans a little and put your kids back in with you. They probably thought 'the more the merrier' and who can blame them? You'd already added yourselves to the mix; they're just following your lead. Plus they probably think that you want the kids with you, and the only thing that was stopping you enjoying a family holiday with your kids was your own situation. Now that's been alleviated it stands to reason that the kids would be expected to go back in with you.

TBH, though, you could have said no. At any point. You say you're being railroaded but I'm struggling to see that you've ever been vocal about what you want. Have you talked to anyone in your family about this? When the kids were stuck back with you, what did you say? But more to the point... I still can't see why you chose to book the same place.

Sorry to be harsh, and I know I'm not giving much constructive advice as to what to do about it, but I can't help thinking if you'd played things differently you wouldn't be where you are now. You say 'nobody's thought to ask me' but did you think to say anything yourself? Other people aren't mindreaders.

Person_one

I really doubt any of this was done maliciously, I expect they didn't realise that you were seeing this holiday as 'couple time', and frankly I think they'd have to be psychic to as you've booked to go to the same place as your kids and the other family members!

With hindsight, it might have been better to book somewhere completely different in the first place and tell the other family members how much you appreciate this chance to spend a bit of time alone together.