Friends hubby caught being 'overly friendly' with another women. Should I mention it?

spendingmad

We (myself and DH) are very close friends with a couple. Holiday together, see each other most weekends etc etc. We both have 2 children, their children are 5 & 2.

12 months ago the guy got friendly with a women whom he works with and this women has become friendly with our friends and us. She has recently split up from her husband (past 6months)

GUy and women from work have started car sharing the 20 mile trip to work, and for the past 6months, they have been working longer and longer hours - not getting in until 8:45 most night.

Another friend of ours who know the couple, has approached me to say he has seen Guy helping a women (description given fits women from work) into a car and rubbing/patting bottom in a sexual/very intimate way. This was seen minutes from where said women lives.

I do not know whether to mention something to me friend (female)to let her sort out - it could be something prefectly innocent? or to speak to the Guy to tell him to sort himself out.

Rumours are already flying around his work place about the two of them, and I am a firm believer in 'theres no smoke without fire' - if it is all innocent then you would not allow rumours to exist.

Would you talk to female friend/ male friend or just keep quiet?

pimento

No actual evidence then?

the_cat

Keep well out of it. It's really none of your business and no good will come of you sticking your oar in.

It's not as if you have any first hand knowledge. Just rumours and alleged sightings from this other person. If they are that convinced, then surely they can tell this woman themselves?

ilikewatch

spendingmad wrote: »

Would you talk to female friend/ male friend or just keep quiet?

I would certainly keep quiet, - you have no actual evidence that something untoward is taking place, and even if you did, it's entirely possible that the husband would manage to squirm out of it, leaving you looking like "the bad guy" who tried to ruin there marriage...

Alikay

I wouldn't tell the man that he'd been seen: I think It'd either make him more careful to hide his tracks, or worse, avoid mixing with you and your DH, which could end up leaving his wife more isolated from friends if something is going on.

I always say that I'd want my friend to tell me if there were suspicions about my DH, but experience tells me the messenger often gets shot , so sorry, can't advise on that one!

browneyedbazzi

If you had seen it yourself I might say something different, but given that you haven't and it is essentially just a rumour I'd say leave it.

Also, the people who are the subject of rumours often don't know what's being said about them... it can be the nature of rumours that spreaders keep it away from the people that it is about. Perhaps you could mention to the chap that there's a rumour being spread about him and this other woman as he may want to address the issue. And I do mean mention the rumour to him in a helpful concerned way, not make an accusation about his behaviour.

spendingmad

the_cat wrote: »

If they are that convinced, then surely they can tell this woman themselves?

the person who has seen them know the couple (from meeting them in our company) but are not friends, and does not know the 'other women' at all. Which is why the exact description of her is surprising.

My DH has suggested he has a 'man to man' telling him to either leave it or at the very least be more discrete.

spendingmad

browneyedbazzi wrote: »

Also, the people who are the subject of rumours often don't know what's being said about them... it can be the nature of rumours that spreaders keep it away from the people that it is about. Perhaps you could mention to the chap that there's a rumour being spread about him and this other woman as he may want to address the issue. And I do mean mention the rumour to him in a helpful concerned way, not make an accusation about his behaviour.

It is he who has told me rumours are going around his workplace about to 2 of them, and he thinks its funny and will do nothing to stop it, but added he hadnt told 'wife' about the rumours.

I had my suspisions about them at the time and wondered whether it may be abit of a 'double-bluff'

poet123

Personally, I wouldn't get involved just yet. I would carry on with arrangements with the couple as normal and watch the situation, if you are so close you will get an inkling if the wife believes there is anything going on. I would be a tad worried if my husband suggested a man to man chat along the lines you describe too....he could be seen to be condoning what is going on and get dragged into the situation.

AbbieCadabra

browneyedbazzi wrote: »

(snip)Perhaps you could mention to the chap that there's a rumour being spread about him and this other woman as he may want to address the issue. And I do mean mention the rumour to him in a helpful concerned way, not make an accusation about his behaviour.

having seen a very similar situation play out with friends of mine a few years ago, i'd wished i'd done the above suggestion at the time. if he's not up to anything, it gives him the opportunity to put people straight & to stop the gossiping. if he is up to something, it will hopefully make him stop & take a minute to reflect on the impact his actions will/might have.

in my friends case, it turned out to be an affair. the cheated on wife then had a fit at me (& others) as i'd never said anything when all the rumours were flying. i know she was deflecting her anger at the time, but things were never the same after that...

edit: you've posted whilst i was typing . so the guy already knows about this & just thinks it's funny?! i think if he's already said he hasn't told his wife about this, that could well be your answer. if it was innocent & funny, he'd have shared with his wife, wouldn't he? who knows what their relationship is really like behind closed doors though. very tricky situation but i don't think i'd be comfortable mentioning it to the wife in these circumstances. if it all blows up, you can at least say you had a word with him at the time & that was what he said so you believed him. good luck...

the_cat

spendingmad wrote: »

the person who has seen them know the couple (from meeting them in our company) but are not friends, and does not know the 'other women' at all. Which is why the exact description of her is surprising.

.

So you want to blow apart your friendship and quite possibly their relationship over idle gossip from someone who barely knows the 'accused' or his wife? Going on a description of the other woman from someone who has never met her?

If you or your OH get involved, your friendship will never be the same again. Regardless of whether there is anything going on or not. Even if there is, it is not at all uncommon for the wife to forgive the husband and dump the friends!