hiding things

maypole

MissMonkeyMoo wrote: »

Lexxi, I hate to say it but he is clearly up to something here and you can't go on the way that you are! I have been in a very similar position to you; my ex had credit card statements coming to the house (he didn't tell me he had applied for them) and I was convinced that he was cheating on me. I caught him texting someone one night, he was drunk and started deleting it as soon as he saw I wast reading what he was writing but I checked his phone the next day and found messages to and from another girl. Long story short, I confronted him and he said it was just phone flirting and he hadn't actually done anthing. i didn't want to believe different so we carried on. After three years together he broke down and admitted that he was £30k in debt from gambling. he has used the money from the credit cards and loans to fund his habit. Again, I stood by him and helped him but after another year I realised that I didn't love him and we split up.

Whatever the reason is behind your OH credit cards/messaging it is not acceptable. In a relationship you are not meant to have any secrets and for him to be checking your social network but not allowing you to check his shows that there is a serious imbalance between you. Kingfisher is spot on when they say that if he doesn't trust you it is because he is judging you by his own behavious. I can;t tell you what he is gettin gup to behind your back, but it is clear form what you have said that he is up to no good of some sort and you have to ask yourself if you are prepared to put up with it any longer. You need to sit him down and ask for answers; if he starts to get argumentative or confrontational don't respond in kind - just stay focused and very calm and don't raise your voice. if he continues to try to start an argument just tell him that you;re not prepared to talk to him whilst he is like that and that you'll give him some time to calm down. I know it is easy to say but you need to stay strong and find out the truth. Once you do know what is happening it will be your choice as to where you go from there, but that's the key thing - YOUR choice. Only you can decide what is best for you, but from the sounds of it this is not a man who loves and respects you and you deserve more than that.

best of luck. x

This is what immediately came to my mind

tto54

How can he get credit if he's not working

mucklebones

Lexxi wrote: »

He accused me first of cheating, a few times throughout the relationship in the end I started doing it back to see how he liked it.

That would be enough for me, when relationships get like that they are not worth hanging about for. Damn life is too short for that nonsense.

Beckyy

It's easy for me to type this, but honestly, I think you'd be better off without him.

Everything you've posted sounds like your relationsip is full of mistrust and constantly trying to catch the other out. It's not healthy, and you can tell yourself that it might change, but what if it doesn't?

Change all your passwords for a start. Make sure he's not borrowing money in your name too.

Lexxi

I have a suspicion he is cheating along with a lot of evidence of him hiding things. I know this does not prove he is cheating but why does he need to hide anything from,me and I mean actually hidden. He left the house earlier came back saying he had forgotten something and took letters and papers out of the coat he had been wearing and tried to hide the fact he was doing it.
He says he's looking for work but he's on the phone to this girl when he's saying he's in interviews.
There was nothing in particular about the first time he accused me of cheating, I left the pub at the same time as a friend of ours but we were going in different directions that's all it was.

I am terrified that he has taken cards out in my name, its not even something I'd have thought of.

I just don't know what to do, he doesn't want to talk to me, he wants to watch telly and pretend I'm not there. I tried talking a few times, once ended with him ignoring me for 3 weeks the second was him shrugging and saying we should try getting on better. Yeah, cos that's why I got married! I just want him to love me, to feel like I'm loved not some nuisance or a lodger or to sit there and wonder where he's really going when he says he's going out.

Pollycat

Lexxi
Unless you want to call it a day based on your suspicions, I think you need to have a really serious talk with him.

If (as you've said a couple of times) he's not interested in talking, then he's not interested in your relationship and saving it, is he?

Lexxi wrote: »

He says he's looking for work but he's on the phone to this girl when he's saying he's in interviews.

If you know this for a fact, I would find this blatent lying totally unacceptable.
Who is 'this girl'?

How hard is he looking for work?

Do you spend any quality time together?

And jizzler:
my posts may be blunt and come across as lacking in sympathy but yours is downright rude.

Lexxi probably posted in some distress, I did say her post was a bit vague but could get the gist of what her problem was.

If you've nothing better to do at 2am in the morning and you want to snipe at someone, try The Arms or Discussion Time boards.

scottishchick27

If you sign up for Experian, you get a 30 day trial which will tell you your credit history. If he has taken cards out in your name they will show up on the report.

thehappybutterfly

scottishchick27 wrote: »

If you sign up for Experian, you get a 30 day trial which will tell you your credit history. If he has taken cards out in your name they will show up on the report.

Good advice Scottishchick. Another option is Noddle - I signed up with them to have a look at my credit record - I know my record is !!!!!! but it was free, no trial period, and I had my report within 5 minutes. And was surprised that some things are marked as 'satisfied' and not 'defaulted' but that's by the by.....

Lexxi, I think it's time you started playing detective and getting to the bottom of your suspicions. Don't raise it with your husband every time you uncover some untruth, you'll just drive him underground - build yourself a "case" and hit him with it. I don't think it will be difficult - he sounds very careless. Either that or he just doesn't care and he wants to be caught out. Typical coward - rather than 'fess up and say the relationship isn't working, they'll make their partner's life such a misery that they'll finish it. They then become the victim who was thrown out on the street for "no reason".

Good luck Lexxi whatever you decide to do (hopefully the right thing).

coinxoperated

Pack up and leave. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Do you really want to spend the next 40+ years wondering who has texted him?

It's easier said than done, but be glad you don't have children with him.

Oh and I would put money that if you say 'I think your cheating etc etc he WILL talk you around.

What do you offer him? £1000 a month, house, 'wife' title, someone who 'looks after him'?

What does he offer you? Stress by the sound of it.

Cut your losses and relive your youth, 2 months down the line you'll wonder why it took you so long.

Good luck! X

Beckyy

Lexi, get a credit check done straight away and make sure he's not using your name.

What are your finances like, do you have any joint accounts/savings/debt?

If you have online banking then change your password, if he knwos your cards pin/details then change them, along with all other passwords.

Do you own your own house or rent? Save up a little money for yourself and prepare to bite the bullet and split with him. I wish you the best of luck.